Kathleen's padded cell

Thousand Kisses Deep 6/6

2009-11-06T00:39:12Z

~*~
Chapter 6
~*~

Giles was beginning to feel real desperation. Everything had gone so terribly wrong. Tara was dead and Willow had nearly ended the entire world in her grief. Xander, of all people, had managed to talk her down and save said world and Buffy continued in the coma that had claimed her with the villain’s bullet.

“I appreciate your kind offer, Althenea. Yes, I understand that you cannot spare anyone else from the coven for such an open-ended assignment and I trust you will be well able to take Willow in hand. I do think keeping her here with family will aid in her healing. I’ll be there to meet your plane in LA.”

Giles listened intently to the instructions on caring for Willow in the interim then smiled as the kindly witch offered to find her own way to Sunnydale. “Really, it’s no trouble at all. I have someone I need to see in LA anyway and it won’t be out of the way to pick you up while there. … Yes, see you soon and thank you again.”

Giles had tried to contact the demon known as Clem to no avail. Anya had asked about in the demon community and heard that Clem had moved to LA to help a pregnant sister through her last trimester. No one seemed to have an address and Giles hoped that Angel’s team would have better luck in locating him. Spike deserved to know what had happened to Buffy and perhaps his return might somehow create the miracle of bringing her back to them all. It was worth the attempt at any rate.

There had never been a question of using Council resources to locate the missing vampire. Even if the rumors of Spike’s souled status proved true, the staid members of the Council would never consent to any relationship between a vampire and their active Slayer. There would be no assistance there save Lydia’s limited information.

According to the latest leads, Spike was still on the move, leaving a trail of dead demons in his wake. Further rumors had it that the vampire was struggling with more than a bit of remorse for his past, the weight of the soul driving him relentlessly to try to even the score in some macabre fashion. Lydia related that Spike had lost considerable weight although it didn’t seem to affect his ability to fight. His face appeared haunted, according to some who had seen him. As to knowing his current location or how to contact him, she was without a clue. Giles was grateful for both her help and her discretion.

It had been Lydia who had suggested the Devon Coven as a resource for helping Willow. Having a talented Wiccan from the coven sent over to take on the care and rehabilitation of Willow would allow Giles to concentrate fully on Buffy and her situation as well as the search for Spike.

In the meantime, the help of Xander and Anya was invaluable to the deeply grieving girl. While caring for Willow, the two had begun to heal the wounds between them. It was far too soon to predict just where that relationship was going, but at least they were no longer a source of hurt for one another. ‘Buffy would be so happy to see that,’ Giles thought with the familiar pain that accompanied any thoughts of his girl lying so still at the hospital.

The doctors were uncertain of the reason for the coma and therefore had no real prognoses to give on her case. All the Slayer healing had done wonders for the actual bullet wounds, but still Buffy remained as lost to them now as on the day Warren Mears had tried to take her life.

“So, Watcherman, are you planning on letting Angel know about Buffy while you’re there trying to find this Clem guy?” Xander finished off the last of the Dim Sum from the cartons on the coffee table. “Personally, I’m surprised Deadboy hasn’t heard about it somehow already. He’d be hovering around the hospital getting underfoot if he did though.”

“Actually, he does know,” Giles said to a surprised Xander. “I had a vague hope that he would offer to come and assist with patrol at the very least, but he seems to be fairly occupied there in his own city or so he says.”

“No real surprise, I guess. He didn’t offer when Buffy died either,” Xander reminded them all.

“Angel is not nearly as useful as Spike was,” Anya added.

“Yes, be that as it may,” Giles agreed, “It is my hope that Spike will be here to continue that usefulness soon. I have no doubt that hearing what has happened to Buffy will bring him home with all due speed.”

~~~

“So you want this Clem guy so you can find SPIKE?” Cordy was aghast.

“Spike’s been kind of helpful since we’ve been gone,” Angel explained to the skeptical girl.

“As what? Comic relief?” Cordy was beyond convincing.

Giles felt an unnatural urge to defend the missing vampire. “Actually, he has done a fine job of helping us in the years since you lived in Sunnydale. He’s a superb fighter and quite loyal to Buffy.”

“That a little dig at me, Rupert?” Angel postured.

“Not in the least. You and Spike have very little in common, to my way of looking at things.” Giles joined in the staredown until Angel lowered his gaze, seemingly conceding the point.

“There are differences,” Angel admitted.

“Yeah, like you being the Powers’ Champion and Spike not even close,” Cordy insisted.

“Evidently the Powers have a singular interest in the battleground of Los Angeles, judging by their Champion’s decision to keep to the fight here,” Giles remarked. “Spike has been moving about all over Europe fighting demons, destroying vampire nests and the like. I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to come and guard the Hellmouth once he’s apprised of the situation.”

“He’s only doing that because he can’t kill humans! He’s still as evil as he ever was,” Angel said defensively.

“Evil or not, he’s fighting on our side now and I’ll be glad to have him.” Giles smirked at the stricken look on Angel’s face. “Besides, he has done no overt evil in years, even though that chip would not have stopped him fully.”

Angel sighed in defeat. “He never was too interested in evil for evil’s sake. Loved the hunt and kill, the fighting. GOD, did he love the fighting! The idiot nearly got us all killed more times than I can count by stirring up trouble. He never went into the artistry of it, the destruction of a human. He acted like it was a big party and he was there to crash and bash his way through it.” He ignored the appalled look on Giles’ face at murder being likened to art. “I can see him taking up the fight for the other side and enjoying it just as much.”

An awkward moment passed before Angel held out a piece of paper with directions to Clem’s sister’s home.
“Got the address for this Clem. Not the best of neighborhoods but demons aren’t known for their great taste. Let me know if something major comes up. I’ll do my best to come lend a hand.”

“I doubt that will be necessary, but I’ll be sure to let Buffy know you did offer.”

Angel had the grace to look deeply shamed.

~~~

“Slow down, Clem. You’re not making sense.” Spike felt like banging the receiver in frustration. It sounded like Clem had said that Buffy had been shot. “What about the Slayer?”

He was on the next plane out of Orly.

~~~

Wedged between a dog crate and a truly ugly set of luggage in the cargo hold of the trans-Atlantic Aerobus, Spike offered a hopeful prayer to any god willing to listen to a souled vampire. “Just let her be all right, yeah? Already fightin’ on her side, but just name your price and it’s yours. Just let Buffy be okay. The girl can be a right bitch and that’s fine with me. Let her beat me senseless, just let her be alright.”

Spike also promised himself the treat of choking that Warren git with his own intestines before killing him slowly and painfully. Clem had said the robot boy had been the one to put Buffy in her coma and kill sweet Tara. Bastard was going to die, and slowly. Soul was okay with that promise too.

Inaction was taking its toll on the frantic vampire and he had to restrain himself from punching holes in the bulkhead. His never silent soul reminded him the dog in the cage next to him needed what little oxygen the hold contained so he contented himself with shredding a piece of the hideous baggage next to him.

Fortunately for his slim grasp on patience there was another plane readied for a flight from La Guardia to LAX and Spike didn’t have to hijack his transportation. Spike slid into another tight spot in the second cargo hold of his life and counted the hours until he would once more be in sunny California. He’d deal with that sunshine issue after he landed.

~~~

“I never thought I’d be saying this, but I’m really glad to see you,” Xander helped bundle a smoldering Spike into the back of his borrowed van. They had all been surprised at the rapid response from Spike to their call for his return.

“Likewise,” Spike muttered. “How’s Bu-…the Slayer?”

“Buffy’s the same, still in a coma. We’re hoping that hearing your voice might make her fight to come back,” Xander admitted.

“Not bloody likely. More like cause her to go in deeper unless there’s a chance she can have the pleasure of kicking my arse out of her town once and for all. Might just encourage that urge if it’ll wake up Sleeping Beauty,” Spike declared.

“I think you might be surprised,” Xander hinted.

Spike raised a brow, “Not much surprises someone my age, Harris. So how’s the missus?”

“Missus?” Xander puzzled out the meaning and realized that Spike had not yet heard about his missed nuptials. “I, um, won the prize of Supreme Asshole of Sunnydale while you were off kicking foreign demon butt. I left Anya at the altar. Now she’s a vengeance demon again, so don’t go making any wishes around her.”

Spike raised both brows in amazement, not only at the information but also the boy’s attitude.

“We’re working on making up, or I’m working on groveling my way back into her good graces at least. Ahn is putting up with me while we keep Willow from doing damage to herself and I think I might turn out to be the luckiest son of a bitch in the world because she just might forgive me.”

Spike was utterly lost. “Slow down. Why would Willow hurt herself? I heard about Tara, of course, but Red never struck me as the type to grieve herself into a grave.”

“So you didn’t hear about Willow trying to outdo your kill count?” Xander sighed. “After Buffy was shot and Tara was killed, Willow went into deep black and I don’t mean mourning. She went over to the dark side, tried to end the whole world. Came close too, but I managed to talk her down before she pulled off her grand finale. Now she’s grieving over Tara, worried about Buffy, filled with guilt over her small killing spree and devastated that she nearly wiped out over six billion people.”

Spike let out a whistle. “I always knew Willow would be one scary force if she ever slipped over and let the darkness take her. How is she?”

“Fragile. She killed two people if you can call them that.”

“Surprised it was only two. Anyone I know?”

“Mears and some warlock named Rack, but the jury’s out on whether he was really a human or not.” Xander shifted gears and entered the highway headed towards Sunnydale.

“Rack was human, barely. Mears don’t count. Good on her for doing him. Saves me the trouble.”

“Can’t disagree with you there,” Xander nodded in complete agreement.

Spike was silent for a while, taking it all in and trying to make sense of all he was hearing and all Clem and Giles had told him. “So, why are you not threatening me if I go near Buffy?”

It was Xander’s turn to be silent for a space of time. “Lots changed, Spike. You might not believe this—I’m not sure if I do--but I actually finally grew up. When I gutted Anya that way, it forced me to think about a lot of things and one of the minor details I mulled over was just what I should think about you. Finally decided you weren’t my business and if Buffy is happy with you, it isn’t anything to do with me. As long as you’re not killing humans or getting in my face about something, there’s no reason for me to be hostile.”

Spike felt like he’d stepped into a parallel universe or a dream at the very least. “You sure you’re not the one needin’ the hospital?”

Xander laughed. “Maybe I do, but I’m going along with the flow here and giving you the benefit of the doubt. Giles seems to think we might have made some mistakes where you’re concerned.” Xander toyed with the idea of not letting Spike know his suspicions about Buffy’s feelings and finally decided he’d want to know if the shoe were on the other foot. “I think Buffy has been wanting you to come back home. She was miserable with you gone. I don’t want to put words into her mouth, but your being here might give her a good reason to come out of that coma.”

“I’ll believe that when I hear it. Long as she’s able to give me the boot herself, that’ll be enough for me. Pretty used to the old unrequited love game by now anyway,” Spike said the last so quietly Xander nearly didn’t hear it.

Xander didn’t know how to respond to that, so he was grateful when Spike abruptly changed the subject.
“So, we got many nasties to clean up while Buffy’s out of commission?”

Xander spent the remainder of the drive catching Spike up on all demon activity at the Hellmouth. The conversation was surprisingly companionable.

~~~

Spike stowed his duffle bag in the basement and returned to the kitchen for his chance to grill Giles about news of Buffy’s condition.

He nearly didn’t recognize Willow sitting quietly in the corner, her cup of tea grown tepid from lack of attention. Her eyes, when they finally met his, were bleak and empty of all life. “’Lo, pet. Hear you’ve been having a right terrible time. Really sorry about Tara. She was a rare one.”

Willow blinked back the ever present tears. “Thank you, Spike. I’m glad you’re here. Buffy is sure to get better now.”

Spike let out a rueful laugh then crouched down in front of the witch, forcing eye contact. “You listen to me, Willow. Grieve over Tara; she deserves it. Learn your lesson about the revenge you planned on the whole world and let it go. As for Mears--good on you. You saved me the trouble of killing him; did the world a favor with Rack too. Don’t let either of those two destroy you, the goodness in you. You go on and learn to use your talent, control the dark that’ll always be part of you. Honor Tara by learning to be the kind of witch she was; she’d want that. Don’t let this change the person you are. That person is good and useful and strong. Be Willow.”

He rose and took a chair opposite an impressed Giles. “How’s Buffy?”

“No real change. I hoped you’d join me in a visit tonight actually. I think hearing your voice will make a difference.”

“I keep hearing that from you lot, but it still isn’t making a bit of sense.” Spike shook his head. “Must have me confused with the Poof…and why isn’t that wanker here?”

“Angel had important Champion business in LA. And Buffy is past her infatuation with him, by the way. Seems she realized it when she decided to return the check to him.” Giles smiled in genuine relief that the age of Angel had passed.

“Tell me she didn’t turn down the dosh!”

“Once she knew the true source she was willing to take it. We were discussing how to best invest it when Mears shot her.” Giles took in Spike’s clenched fists and thought for a moment that it might have been merciful that Willow had gotten to Mr. Mears first. “We spoke of more than the money. We spoke of you and her regrets concerning you.”

“She made those pretty clear to me before I left.”

“I think you misunderstand. Buffy told me she had been terrified of everyone’s reaction should she admit to having feelings for you. She truly regretted things she said to you, things she did but didn’t elaborate on.” Giles looked Spike right in the eye. “She cares very much for you, Spike. One of the last things she said was how much she wanted a chance to see you again, explain herself, have another chance to get things right.”

Spike was terrified. Hope had sprung up at Giles’ words, but hope had crucified him in the past. Buffy might not come out of the coma, and if she did she might have a very different reaction to the reality of his return. He closed his eyes and tried to tamp down his emotions before revealing far too much.

“Spike!” Dawn’s timely entrance was a blessing. “I knew you’d come home when we needed you most.” She threw her arms around him in a tight hug that was returned in full. Spike fought hard to not tear up at the open expression of affection.

“Good to see you too, Bit.” Spike ruffled her hair. “You’ve grown at least a foot. Before long I’ll be lookin’ up to see your face.”

Dawn hugged him again. “Now I know everything will be okay. Thank you for coming.”

~~~

The first few visits showed no real improvement. The monitors still beeped their steady beeps and the IV dripped silently into her arm. Not a flutter of an eyelash denoted any awareness of Spike’s presence, his loving words and vows of adoration. Giles usually accompanied the vampire on those visits, not because he distrusted Spike but to ensure no difficulties arising from Spike’s undead status.

The more Giles watched and heard, the more convinced he had become that Spike’s love was real and that the soul, if the rumors were true, only served to deepen love already present. It went against the Council’s dogma, but truth was truth and what Giles saw was love and devotion.

Giles noted the weight loss Lydia had mentioned and the haunted look about Spike’s eyes only increased with worry over Buffy. He hadn’t broached the subject of souls, but before the second week had passed Giles was completely convinced of the truth of those rumors: that Spike had somehow against all Giles believed true about demons sought out his soul and regained it in some way. There was still violence in the vampire, but no sign of evil.

Patrols had become Spike’s venting method and the demons and vampires of Sunnydale had never seen wrath like that dished out by the emotional vampire. He had taken particular pleasure in wiping out a nest of demons known to have been summoned by Warren’s annoying friend Andrew during the trio’s reign of terror in Buffy’s life. It was as close as Spike could come to getting his own revenge on Mears. Each night he returned with bloodied fists from letting his anger and frustration have full expression before finally slaying the monsters he hunted. He slept little and spoke less, except to Buffy’s still form.

On the third week, Spike swore he had seen a slight twitch of Buffy’s left index finger, but the doctors discounted the report.

On the fourth week, no one could deny the increase of Buffy’s pulse and the day nurse noted that her head position had changed without anyone having moved it.

On the fifth week, Buffy opened her eyes and stared deeply into the blue pools of Spike’s gaze. Spike wept unabashedly.

~~

Within twenty-four hours of returning to consciousness, Buffy was demanding to be let out of the hospital. After two days “under observation,” the hospital staff were the ones demanding that the doctors release her.

Spike was nervous about being elected the one to collect the cranky Slayer and return her to the bosom of her family. He and Buffy had talked about everything but what was most important. The things that needed to be said were like the proverbial elephant in the room, but neither wanted to venture into those deep waters in the hospital setting. Besides, Spike hadn’t wanted to tire his girl any more than her forced inactivity already had.

“I am NOT sitting in that thing like a cripple just to get out of this place!” Buffy was already throwing her weight around and Spike hadn’t even poked his head in her door.

“Not so bad once you get used to it, pet. ‘Sides, you’ll be out of it soon as we get you into the DeSoto,” Spike reminded her. “These dictators won’t let you walk yourself out of here, somethin’ about insurance.”

The nurse nodded in agreement. “Yes indeed, Miss Summers, you have to be wheeled out. And not a minute too soon if you don’t mind my saying so.”

Buffy and Spike shared a laugh at the beleaguered nurse. Buffy knew she should feel guilty for being such a bad patient, but if they had just let her go home like she wanted, they wouldn’t have had to deal with a frustrated Slayer--or so she told herself.

“Fine. Let’s go, Spike.”

“As my lady requests.” He helped her into the hated chair and wheeled her out while Giles finished with the discharge paperwork.

“I can do patrol tonight, Spike. I’m all kinds of fine now and really wanting to kill something,” Buffy offered.

“I think not!” Giles huffed. “Spike has handled things quite nicely up ‘til now and you need to make certain you don’t rush things. The doctors never did decide what had you in that coma.”

“He’s right, pet. Use the hired muscle while you can,” Spike suggested.

Buffy put her foot down literally and brought the wheelchair to a halt. “You aren’t hired muscle, Spike.”

“We’ll talk about what I am and what I’m not later, yeah?”

Buffy sank into silence, suddenly unsure of Spike’s intentions. Surely he wouldn’t just leave now that she was out of the hospital! He couldn’t leave her again, not and have her survive.

Giles saw the interplay and knew the pair needed a nudge, “Why don’t you leave the patrolling to Xander and I tonight while the two of you discuss things.” He nodded encouragingly to Buffy. “Dawn is staying the night with Anya and Willow is on an intense retreat with her teacher. The two of you can hash out all the issues you’ve been dancing around ‘til now.”

Neither heard his muttered, “Put us all out of our misery.”

~~~

“So…,” Buffy cleared her throat, “I hear you’ve been all over Europe being a scourge of a different kind lately.”

“Moved about a bit, yeah.”

“I want to thank you for the check. Giles explained where it came from and where you got that amount of money before everything went dark.” Buffy felt tears well in her eyes. “After all the nasty things I said and didn’t mean, I can’t believe you still cared what happened to me.”

“I love you, Buffy; told you that. In too deep to just stop carin’. Not built that way.”

“No, you’re not, are you?” Buffy gently traced his right cheek with a trembling finger. “You love with everything you are, don’t you? I just didn’t want to see it for all sorts of stupid reasons.”

Spike tucked the afghan around her and smiled shyly. “Tried to tell you, but you’re one stubborn bint.”

“Almost too stubborn for my own good, I think.” She bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes as she remembered those horrible weeks when the love he had offered had been turned into something else, something dirty and wrong. “I didn’t mean those words, Spike. Not just the ones I spoke when Xan and Will caught us, but before, all the befores. No one has ever scared me like you did with your big messy love.”

“Funny, that!” he scoffed. “Never scared you when I was threatening to bleed you dry, only when I told you I loved you. Never took away my invite before that, even before the chip.”

“Well, that’s me,” Buffy laughed ruefully, “Give me a rabid Flumox demon or a nest of vamps and I jump right in, but offer to love me and I yell retreat and bury my head in the sand.”

“You’ve been done wrong more than once,” Spike acknowledged. “I’d not hurt you on purpose, Buffy. Made certain of that.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“When I left I was hurt and angry. The demon wanted your blood, the man…well, I guess the man wanted blood too, just not sure whose. I knew then that you’d never love me. That I’d never be good enough for you. Knew that I’d never stop loving you either. I had to do something and the first thing I had to do was get away from here, from you. I had to decide for myself just who and what I wanted to be. Always just went with the flow before, couldn’t anymore. Had to do it for me, not for you, ‘cause you didn’t want me.

I couldn’t be the monster anymore and not just because of the chip. You’ve changed me, Buffy. Can’t think about killin’ innocents in the same way, not after learnin’ to see humans as more than just food again. Each little girl would be the Bit, old geezers would be Giles, pudgy boys would be Harris and so on. The one time Dru made a kill and offered it to me, the night I chained you up like a right berk and told you how I felt, I had to talk myself into feeding and that feeling of wrongness only got stronger.”

Buffy gasped. She had never asked about all that had happened the night Dru had dropped back into their lives for a brief visit.

“So I didn’t want to be the raging demon anymore, but you made it clear I wasn’t a man. Somethin’ had to be done. Wouldn’t always have this bug zapper in me noggin after all. So I followed a legend and made my choice.”

“What did you do?” Buffy could barely breathe for fear of his answer.

“Fought for it. Won it fair and square. It’s mine again and not goin’ anywhere. Don’t matter, still not a man. Know that now. Took getting the damned thing to finally see myself the way you did and understand.” He drew in a shuddering breath. “There’s a reason vampires can’t see themselves in a mirror. Too hurtful to see what’s reflected back, what you’ve become, how low you’ve gone. It’s a mercy really, like the lack of conscience.”

“What did you do?” Buffy asked with a bit more force and far more trepidation.

“You always said it made the difference ‘tween good and bad. Funny thing is I don’t feel all that different. Still like to kill, love that spot of violence. Still a vampire, not a man.” He smiled at her with a twinge of sadness. “It does make a difference, a major one, just doesn’t have anything to do with choosin’ to be good or bad, unless you count the guilt when you choose poorly.” His laugh was bitter.

Buffy could hardly believe what she was hearing. “My God, you got your soul! Why? Oh Spike….” Tears spilled as her heart broke for him, for his being made to feel of no worth without the soul that clearly had not been needed to start him on his path to redemption. The soul she kept harping on as she threw his love back in his face time and again.

“Not to worry, pet, not so deluded I think it makes a whit of difference. Same ol’ Spike here, except for the charming night visitors that remind me of the thousands of reasons I was never worthy of your notice.”

Buffy blinked the tears away and grasped his hands before he could move away from her. “Stop. Really…stop, Spike. Don’t you start with the stupid words now. You’re right--the soul doesn’t matter.”

His eyes closed as he let out a tremulous sigh.

“I knew five minutes after I realized you had gone that I would never be happy until I had you back again, begged you for another chance. God, we’re so messed up!” She let out a bark of laughter. “You had no soul but you have the most loving heart I’ve ever known. I love that heart. I love you. Not because you’ve got a soul now, I knew I loved you before I was even sure I’d ever see you again. I don’t even know what to think about the whole soul having, to tell you the truth. I just know that I love you however you are, with a soul or without, as long as you’re mine. Is it too late?”

Spike looked at her in disbelief. “You love me?”

“Madly, passionately, and I’m pretty sure permanently. So is it? Too late?”

Spike pulled her to his chest with a fierceness that would have hurt a normal girl. “Never, my love, never.”

Their lips met at first with surprising tenderness, tentative and testing, but the fires that had always matched one another soon engulfed them in a kiss of such passion they both imagined bursting into flame. Their touches were nearly reverent as both shook with the emotions consuming them.

Spike was panting as hard as Buffy when they finally broke apart to gaze at each other’s much loved face. He leaned his forehead on Buffy’s and whispered, “At least the soul will help make us acceptable to your Watcher and friends.” He paused and, with the last gasp of insecurity, added, “We are letting them know about us, right?”

“Of course we are, Spike. I plan to tell the whole world, shout it from rooftops even. Can’t wait to see all the envy when every other woman sees the guy I’ve got that they can’t have,” she teased. “As for the soul, why don’t we just keep that to ourselves. It really doesn’t matter and Giles would want to make you some kind of research subject.”

“You don’t care what they think?”

“I stopped caring about that right about the time I knew I couldn’t stand the thought of being here, living, without you there as my friend, my lover. You already were all that from the time I was brought back. You were my friend even before I died, I forgot that somewhere along the way. I got lost and nearly lost you!”

“Never lose me, Buffy, I’d always be yours even if you didn’t want me.”

“Well, I do want you. I’m yours too.”

She could see from his face that Spike was moved beyond words. Finally he raised his head and looked at her with such pure love and adoration it took her breath away. “Never been loved before. Not sure I deserve it, but I vow I’ll spend every day of my life trying.”

“Just be Spike.” Buffy kissed him tenderly. He was so tender and emotionally fragile. She was going to have to watch herself and make certain she never said anything to crush that loving heart of his again. “Welcome home, my love.”

“Home,” he echoed in wonder.

~*~
Coda
~*~

“Well, what do you have to say for yourself?” D’Hoffryn leveled his most disapproving look at his second best vengeance demon. “You are supposed to dispense vengeance. Where is the vengeance in this?”

“I prefer to think of myself as delivering justice, as you know, and this was justice all around. Dawn got her wish because her sister did ultimately figure out what she wanted and got it--and that was my primary duty wasn’t it?” Halfrek was a bit nervous, but considering the chance she had taken in meddling in the Slayer’s life she figured she was getting off easy with just some disapproving stares and the ugly looks from her fellows.

“Yes but where is the evil in it?”

“I assumed you wouldn’t wish to anger the Slayer by drawing her ire in our direction,” Hallie smiled smugly. “They all suffered a bit, but not so much that it would clue them in, after all. And there is the added aspect of our helping to bring together a notorious vampire and the longest lived Slayer in a love match that is more likely than not to drive the Council of Watchers round the bend. That’s rather evil, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so.” D’Hoffryn chuckled at their secret coup. “I do suppose so.”

~fin

(here are the lyrics to my inspiration, as I said not necessary to read from the story's point of view but it always made me think of Spike and his passion for Buffy)

A Thousand Kisses Deep by Leonard Cohen

The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat.
You win a while, and then it’s done –
Your little winning streak.
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat,
You live your life as if it’s real,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
You lose your grip, and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep:
You ditch it all to stay alive,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

Confined to sex, we pressed against
The limits of the sea:
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me.
I made it to the forward deck.
I blessed our remnant fleet –
And then consented to be wrecked,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep.
And quiet is the thought of you,
The file on you complete,
Except what we forgot to do,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat . . .

Thousand Kisses Deep 5/6

2009-11-06T00:34:54Z

~*~
Chapter 5
~*~

A/N: Small bit of dialogue and events from “Seeing Red” written by Steven DeKnight

Buffy wondered for a few seconds if the cure hadn’t worked and she was once more in her dream world. Giles standing on her doorstep was icing on her cake. The sight of Angel at his side was a jolting reminder that this was reality because Angel had no place in the happy, much missed world of her altered state.

Angel wore his normal pinched, put upon face that spoke of sack cloth and ashes, self-flagellation and unspoken sin. Angel might not be sucking blood from humans any longer, but he could still suck the joy from those around him!

“Buffy, I realize it’s late, but I rather wanted to see your face instead of merely calling to let you know I’ve decided to return to Sunnydale.” Giles was nearly bowled over by Buffy flinging herself into his arms and squeezing him for all she was worth.

He squirmed in an effort to avoid damage, “Breathe…need to breathe!” He was certain his lips were already blue.

“Oh, sorry!” Buffy’s smile could light a city. “I forget my own strength sometimes.” She kept hold of Giles’ hands and looked at him like a starved person would a buffet. “You really mean it? You’re staying this time?”

“Yes Buffy, I’m done with my safe retreat and ready to…ahem…man up as someone once put it,” He smiled back at her with genuine affection.

“Oh God, come in! You’re staying here of course, at least until you kick Anya out of the Magic Box apartment, right?”

Angel cleared his throat pointedly.

“Oh yes, come in, Angel. I don’t imagine you’re staying, but there’s a cot in the basement if you can’t get back to your city tonight.” She wondered for the first time at the reason why these two particular people would show up at the same time on her doorstep.

“Thanks, really…gracious…offer,” Angel looked hurt. Buffy was likely still miffed about their last meeting. She hadn’t taken his reaction to her death well. ‘Nothing wrong with meditation at a monastery. That’s was perfectly appropriate reaction to her death,’ he thought mulishly. ‘She wasn’t too happy that I needed to get back to Cordy and her visions either, come to think of it. She’s jealous, poor girl. Still needs time to get over the fact we can’t be together.’

“Feel free to use the phone if you need to check in with Cordy,” Buffy nodded towards the phone. Buffy would never forget how it had felt a bit like a slap in the face when she had wanted nothing more than sweet comfort from Angel only to have him spend their short visit talking about the important work he was doing with Cordelia Chase of all people! She should have expected nothing more given the distance between them over the past few years. Angel hadn’t even been able to break free to help fight Glory that past year.

“No need. I’m free as long as you need me.” Angel smiled his best ingratiating smile.

Buffy looked at Giles. “Another apocalypse coming that I don’t know about? It’s a couple of months earlier than usual, if so, and I’ve seen no signs of one.”

“No, not that I know of at least,” Giles reassured her.

“So what convinced you to come home, not that I’m complaining?” Buffy considered Giles’ reason for being there the most important question.

“I was acting from fear when I left, Buffy. Seeing you die was incredibly painful. I felt responsible for what you had to do. I was your Watcher and yet could find no way to defeat Glory in time to save you. It was more than me failing you as your Watcher, but the loss felt visceral and, quite frankly, I couldn’t bear the thought of ever feeling such pain again.” Giles looked his age for the first time in Buffy’s memory. “I told myself that I’d go back to the Council’s headquarters and regroup, study more, brush up on all I had once learned…be harder, a better Watcher, even if from a distance. Perhaps if I did it right I could help you stay alive and if that failed, I wouldn’t have to watch as you died again. It was the choice of a coward and I am so terribly sorry, my child. Can you forgive me?”

Buffy had begun to cry mid-way through Giles’ confession. “You don’t even have to ask.” She hugged him close, but with care for his fragile body this time, and for once Giles removed his glasses to wipe his eyes rather than the lenses. “Welcome home, Giles. Please never run away from home again.”

He chuckled a bit. “I promise.”

Buffy suddenly remembered her other visitor then. “Angel! Gotta say I wasn’t expecting to see you at my door, especially with Giles. What’s up?”

“We drove up from LA together.” Angel could see the wheels spinning in Buffy’s mind. She was likely thinking that Angel had called Giles to have him return. He decided not to let her know her suspicion was wrong. He would have called Giles if he had known how important the Watcher was to Buffy’s happiness. Really, Buffy was far beyond needing Rupert at this point, but if she wanted him there, well, that was her business. At least Giles would have the sense to keep Spike from returning. Angel had been shocked when Giles told him about the source of the check he carried.

“I see…kinda.” Buffy looked from one man to the other. “Again I ask, what’s up?”

Angel looked down bashfully. Buffy could almost imagine him blushing if it had been possible. “Well, um, there’s this… guy…ah…in LA. He knows about the Slayer and how hard your life must be. He cares about you, especially now that your mom is gone and you have a sister to raise.” Angel peeped at Buffy through his lashes, clearly implying that the caring guy might well be himself. “Anyway, he’s not able to be here to help in the fight, but he thought he could make the rest easier.” He took the envelope out of his inner pocket. “It’s only money and he really doesn’t need it, so please don’t turn it down.” He handed the check over to a puzzled looking Buffy.

She opened the envelope and nearly fainted when she saw the amount. “I can’t…this is too…who would …?”

“Yes, all good questions indeed,” Giles teased. “I can assure you that there is nothing wrong in accepting this check, Buffy. It is not ill gotten gains and the person who provided it will not be hurt by your acceptance of the sum. In fact, I believe the benefactor would be relieved to know your load has been lightened. Think of it as a gift of love and compassion.”

“I…,” She murmured, “I’ll think about it. This is a lot of money.”

“If you need help in investing it, I’d be more than happy to offer what advice I can,” Giles suggested. “If the funds are properly invested, neither you nor Dawn will ever need to worry about finances again. You could even return to college full-time, perhaps travel a bit once Faith is out of prison and can take some of the Slayer duties in hand.”

Buffy smiled at him. “I’ll keep that in mind. Wow, this is all just…unexpected.” She laughed in nervous relief. She couldn’t bear to look at Angel at the moment for fear she’d see more hurt in his eyes that her gratitude hadn’t been as fulsome as he should expect, as he deserved.

She rose from the sofa and yawned. “It’s kinda late and I’m sure you’re both tired from all the travel and all. Let me get some sheets for the sofa and the basement cot so you guys can settle in.” She looked embarrassed as she remembered her other hostessing obligations. “Where is my mind? Are either of you hungry? Angel, I’m afraid the blood I have on hand is kinda old, but I could fix you something else until I get to the butcher’s in the morning.”

“I’m good,” Angel nodded. “I sometimes drink coffee, but you may remember I don’t really eat. Vampire here.”

Buffy had a quick vision of Spike diving into a plate of Hot Wings with gusto and gasped at the pain of losing her so unique vampire.

Giles had watched the by-play and knew well that Angel was enjoying the misunderstanding. The berk was more than happy to take credit for both his decision to return and the fortune in cash. What a difference in vampires! Spike had been more than happy to have Buffy never know he was responsible for both. His interest had been in Buffy’s welfare alone. Perhaps Lydia’s rumor had some merit after all.

“Well, Angel, being a vampire doesn’t preclude your eating. As I recall, Spike often enjoyed a meal at my expense.” Giles noted the flash of something that crossed Buffy’s face at the mention of the missing vampire. Perhaps Buffy wasn’t as happy with his absence as Spike had assumed.

“He was always determined to be contrary,” Angel nearly snarled. “Probably did a lot of things just to get your goat.”

“I’ll just get those sheets, ‘k?” Buffy hurried from the room and the discussion of a certain missing blond vamp.

~~~

Giles return had a positive impact on Anyanka as well. Once she learned that he wasn’t planning to remove her from control of the Magic Box, she was delighted to have him back in her life too.

“I am so sorry for Xander leaving you that way, Anya.” Giles offered his sympathies, surprised at how sincere he was about it. “I cannot say I don’t understand taking the coward’s path, so I’ll not be as hard on Xander as his actions deserve. I do believe he loves you and his leaving was not so much a rejection of you but simply fear.”

“I used to glory in causing fear in men. Xander never had a reason to fear me.” Anya tried to sound hard, but her voice cracked a little.

“His fear wasn’t of you, dear. It was of how he might fail you. That particular fear is one I am intimately acquainted with.”

“It hurts so much, Giles,” Anya wept. “I want to eviscerate him and win him back at the same time. I’m so confused.”

“I can well imagine.” Giles hesitated to offer advice, but the poor girl looked like she needed some help. “Perhaps you need to decide just which of those two extremes you truly wish to act upon and then actually talk to Xander before carrying either out.”

“The evisceration could happen,” Anya said softly with a bit of fear in her eyes, “I have my power center back. D’Hoffryn gave me my job back after the non-wedding.”

Giles felt his blood run cold. A woman scorned was always dangerous, but this was to the nth degree. Perhaps he should recommend Xander moving far away, very far away. Then again, a Vengeance Demon could even cross dimensions, so no place was safe. “Does Buffy know?”

“No. I haven’t told anyone ‘til now.” Anya stiffened her spine. She would not be made to feel guilty for returning to her safe place after what a human had done to her. “I don’t expect you to approve, but what was I to do? Go home? My only connections in your world were through Xander and you were all his friends, barely tolerating me. None of you ever even listened when I’d try to offer information or suggestions. You all made it perfectly clear that I was an outsider.”

Giles was taken aback. There was some truth in what the girl said. They had never treated her as anything other than an embarrassing, gauche girl when instead she was a thousand years of experience in the flesh. They had kept Spike at that same distance as well, even that summer when he was helping them with no hope of reward. It seemed Giles had failed more than just Buffy these past few years. He resolved not to repeat those mistakes since he seemed to have been granted a second chance.

“Anya, I can only hope that nothing you do in the course of your…duties will warrant Buffy’s carrying out her Slayer’s counter duty. Surely you can satisfy your customers without going to an extreme that would put you in the enemy camp?”

“D’Hoffryn won’t like that,” Anya admitted with a shiver.

“Perhaps if Buffy and I were to explain in great detail why it would be in his best interest to allow you some creativity--creativity that we would have no problem accepting--he could be made to come to some sort of agreement. I doubt your boss would want the full anger of the Slayer and the resources of the Council of Watchers brought into play to convince him.”

Anya brightened somewhat at that. ”You aren’t going to drive me away or take away my necklace again?”

“Not unless it becomes necessary,” Giles sighed. “In spite of our past actions, you are a valuable member of our little family, Anya. Perhaps we can better show it from now on.” He put a consoling arm around her. “It might help if you do have that talk with Xander, though. I’m not suggesting that you have to accept his apologies and begin again, but some kind of peace between you will be necessary.”

“I am glad you’re back, Giles.”

“As am I.”

~~~

“So I can get new clothes for school next year and not have to steal, um…borrow from your closet?” Dawn wasn’t two-minded a bit over accepting the massive check. “’Cause I’m thinking maybe Express with a side order of Hot Topic.” She was as energetic as a five-year-old with a sugar rush.

“We’ll see.” Buffy rolled her eyes. She really couldn’t see how she would be able to turn down the whole amount, even if she didn’t want to owe Angel. Dawn did need new clothes, especially if she kept growing like she had been. Dawn was going to be a giant, Buffy just knew it!

Xander looked at the check again in wonder. “WOW! So who does a guy have to kill to get this kind of cash?” He grimaced at the implications. “Since Angel’s the man with the magic check, that may not be the kind of question we want to explore. Sorry.”

“Giles swore that it wasn’t gotten by ill games or however that goes. I guess if you live as long as Angel you can build up a nice nest egg,” Buffy was philosophical about the immortal haves vs. the mortal have-nots.

“Nest this size could house a pterodactyl--a whole family of them!” Xander ran a finger over the amount. “And again with the wow.” He turned a worried gaze on Buffy’s downturned head. “Deadboy’s not expecting anything from you for this, is he?”

“No,” Buffy shook her head. “In fact, he headed right back to LA after just a short, kinda awkward visit.”

“Good, ‘cause you’re not that kind of girl in the first place, and I don’t think any woman could work this amount off!”

Buffy swatted Xander’s arm and giggled. “Oh yeah, baby, I’m worth it!” They all shared in the laugh, Buffy falling over on the sofa in glee.

“Yeah, well, Angel owes you for breaking your heart and making you hate all other guys,” Dawn finally said after the laughter ended.

“Angel doesn’t owe me.” Buffy got up and looked as sad as she had ever since her return from heaven. “No one does, and I don’t hate all other guys.” She yawned in exaggeration. “Think I’ll head up and get some sleep. Ever since that Glarghk Gul Kashma’nik put me in dreamland while I was really awake, I’ve had nothing but bad dreams during my regular sleep. Maybe tonight that’ll change and I’ll go on that shopping spree with you in my dreams, only toss in The Limited and Vicky’s Secret just for fun.”

Buffy didn’t turn back as she mounted the stairs, so she didn’t catch the look of concern on everyone’s face. “Well, I think that was a perfect example of forced gaiety,” Willow opined. “I hope seeing Angel didn’t reopen too many old wounds.”

“Sir Joykill couldn’t just mail the check with a nice note, could he?” Xander would never, ever cozy up to Angel. “I’m just glad he didn’t stick around for the gushing gratitude he probably thinks he earned.”

“Buffy just can’t catch a break, can she?” Willow worried her lower lip. “I thought she might find happiness with Riley, but that didn’t work out well at all. Then Spike….”

“What do you mean about Spike?” a clueless Dawn asked.

~~~

“I just can’t do it. I’ll ask him to write a small check as a loan so I can catch up with bills and get some things we need, since he seems to have plenty of money, but I just can’t accept this from Angel.” Buffy looked as determined as she sounded.

All night she reviewed her history with Angel and had finally come to realize that what they had together had come to a real close long ago, probably even before he had left Sunnydale. They had grown apart in every way, moved on. For the first time that thought hadn’t felt like a dagger in her heart.

Since Angel was now nothing more than someone from her past, it didn’t seem right for her to owe him for her solvency. She really didn’t like the idea of owing him at all. She’d have to take the money back to him with her ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ She sighed as her responsibilities once more settled on her weary shoulders. ‘I’ll figure out how much I need to borrow for it to really help and even sign an agreement for repayment.’ He’d argue, she knew, but Buffy didn’t intend to back down.

~~~

The trip to LA had been as fast as it was confusing. Angel had finally admitted the money had not come from him at all, but that he had merely been asked to offer it to her as someone she might feel comfortable with as a benefactor.

“So who’s the real moneybags?” Buffy was angry that she had been played. Had she accepted the money, Angel would never have told her he was not the source. She had never enjoyed his half-truths when they were together and liked them less now that they were nothing more than a painful memory. “Don’t tell me that crap about someone who admires the Slayer either. I want the truth, Angel. I realize you aren’t too acquainted with it, but it’s what I want.”

He squirmed and Buffy knew that he did know full well where the money came from and had no desire to share the information. “Maybe you should ask Giles.”

“Giles? He hasn’t got this kind of cash,” Buffy tried to urge more information from Angel but it was like trying to squeeze water from a rock. “Fine! I will ask him.” She snatched the check back from his hands. “Since this didn’t come from you, it’s not staying with you either.”

~~~

They sat in the garden side by side, the man with the father’s worried frown and the daughter of his heart. Buffy had wasted no time tracking down Giles and demanding answers.

“Spike?” Buffy’s voice was a small, hurt-filled squeak. “But…”

“He sold some items he unearthed when he discovered the gem of Amara. He told me that he had offered to help you financially and you turned him down. Spike seemed to think that you might accept the help you desperately needed from me or from Angel.” Giles was worried. Buffy looked so young, so much in pain.

Her voice was the softest whisper and Giles had to attend carefully to hear her. “After all I said, all I did…he still wanted to help me.” Buffy began to cry in earnest. “Oh Giles! I’ve made such a mess of things. I know you hate Spike, but he’s so different if you’d just give him a chance.” She looked down at her wringing hands. “If I had just given him a chance.”

Giles held her while she cried, feeling his heart break for her as she sobbed her misery onto his shoulder. Much as he wished Buffy had found her soulmate complete with a beating heart, he had to admit that there had always been chemistry between his Slayer and the difficult vampire. She was right: Spike was different. Giles shuddered to think of the choices Angelus might have made had he been the soulless vampire chipped by the Initiative. Every small decision made by Spike had been one that was leading away from the evil of his past. They had all chosen not to notice.

She sniffled. “How did he look? Was he okay? Where is he? Does he hate me?” She frowned. “No, he can’t hate me, not if he did this. God, Giles, how can he love so much? I thought vampires couldn’t love, but Spike does, with his whole being.”

Giles shrugged, “Yes, I suppose he does. In answer to your questions, he looked well enough. I’m not certain where he is staying or what he is doing, but there are some rumors.”

“Rumors?”

“Nothing I can verify. Suffice to say I did confirm that a vampire matching Spike’s description has been roving about slaying demons and other vampires. Making a bit of a name for himself in some quarters. He appears to be moving from place to place, not staying long in any one location.”

“I need to see him, Giles, not just because of the money. There are things I need to say.” Buffy stood and looked down at Giles, willing him to tell her how to find the missing part of her: Spike. “Giles, I will always respect your opinion, but I have to see Spike. I love him and should have realized it when I had a chance.”

She looked at Rupert’s resigned face and smiled at him. “I love you, you do know that, right?”

Giles was distracted by something shining over Buffy’s shoulder and he shouted with alarm, “Buffy!”

“You think you can just do this to me? You think I’d let you get away with ruining all my plans?” the gun-wielding boy laughed maniacally. “Think again, bitch!”

The ‘pop pop pop’ of three shots broke the stillness of the lovely spring day, followed by the sound of shattering glass. Buffy crumpled to the ground at Giles’ feet, her shirt already crimson from the horrific wound near her heart.

“NO! God, no!”

The sound of a woman screaming echoed in Giles’ ears but his attention was solely on the girl currently leaking her life’s blood all over his shoes.

~~~

“Tara!” Willow dropped to her knees at her lover’s side. Tara looked peaceful, her face still holding a happy smile as her eyes lost the light of life. “Tara, baby? Come on, get up!” Willow’s hand traced the growing river of red that defiled Tara’s white blouse.

Willow began to sob and wail. “No! NO!” She looked around in desperation, trying to make sense of what had happened, not fully taking in the shattered window where the stray bullet had entered first their room and then Tara’s breast, laying waste to the tender heart of the precious girl.

“Osiris! I command you to return her to me!” Willow cried out, her eyes going black as coal. “I demand the return of this innocent!”

A booming voice responded in clear nonchalance, “You thought the blood of a fawn proper payment for the return of the Slayer? How cheaply you counted that cost. You made your choices, Witch. This is a natural death and cannot be undone.”

Willow’s scream of rage and anguish shattered what was left of the glass in the ragged pane.

Thousand Kisses Deep 4/6

2009-11-06T00:31:16Z

~*~
Chapter 4
~*~

Her shoulder hurt and burned badly enough that Buffy was sure it would break out in flames. “It was waxy with weird eyes. It didn’t even look real, like some Hollywood idea of a demon. The poky thing just popped out when it trapped me against a car.”

Willow headed for the computer in full research mode. “Anything else you can remember that makes this demon special?”

Buffy was staring into space with a blank look on her face before crumpling into a heap on the floor.

“Oh, Goddess! Buffy?” Willow rushed to her fallen friend and checked her pulse. It was racing. “Tara! Dawnie!” Willow wasn’t sure if either of the girls was home but didn’t want to leave Buffy prone and alone.

Buffy had a small smile on her face but showed no signs of consciousness.

~~~

“Hi, honey! Welcome home!” Joyce looked pretty in a pale blue dress but most of all she looked so happy with her hand holding Hank’s as they stood in the doorway beckoning Buffy and Spike into the house.

Buffy looked around in confusion. “Mommy?” Her voice broke, “Daddy?” She started to cry softly and Spike handed her a tissue.

“Honeymoon went a bit long, I ‘spect,” Spike explained to the Summers. “She may love me, but still a girl will miss her folks.”

Buffy looked at Spike in amazement. The sun was shining and he had a slight suntan, other than that he looked like he always did. “Why aren’t you on fire?”

Spike looked at her in complete confusion. “I’m always on fire, pet. You have the power to do that to me.” He smiled at Joyce, who blushed slightly.

“Come in, you kids,” Hank suggested. “You still drink Sam Adams, Spike?”

“That’d be great, Dad,” Spike replied and motioned for Buffy to proceed him into the house.

~~~

Buffy blinked and shook her head trying to stand up only to have a worried Willow force her back on her back. “No way, missy, you just lay there for a minute. You had me scared half to death.” Willow looked ashen. “Do you want a glass of water? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Buffy answered. “Okay, a bit confused, but fine.”

“You just kinda blinked out then collapsed. Don’t try to get up right away, you’re still pale.”

“That was weird,” Buffy muttered.

“No kidding.”

“It was like I was in some dream,” Buffy tried to explain. “Mom was there and my dad and Sp…um…it was sunny and everyone was happy.”

“Sounds like a nice dream.”

“It was.” Buffy remembered how blue Spike’s eyes looked in the bright daylight. His smile was soft and happy. “I must need more sleep if I’m dreaming while awake,” she joked.

“That has been known to happen,” Willow agreed. “Some down time might be a good idea. Why don’t you take a little nap while I research this demon that spiked you.”

Buffy’s eyes shot up at the word but saw that Willow hadn’t a clue. “Okay, good idea. I don’t have a shift tonight, so I don’t have to be anywhere ‘til patrol time.”

“I’ll fix dinner, so you don’t even have to worry about that. Tara is coming over and we’ll do spaghetti. No worries!”

“Sounds great.” Buffy was shaky as she climbed the stairs. ‘I hope I can get that dream back. God, I miss them all so much!’

~~~

“So have you given any thought to staying here in Sunnydale? I know with Spike’s career you two are able to live pretty much anywhere, but Joyce and I would love being nearby.” Hank squeezed Buffy’s hand affectionately. “We wouldn’t be underfoot all the time, no need to worry about that!”

“We’ve talked about it, Hank,” Spike answered with a grin. “Buffy promises to take cooking lessons from Joyce and I can’t very well turn that down, now can I?”

Everyone laughed except Buffy, who was still disoriented.

Spike immediately stopped laughing and looked at her in concern, “I’m sorry, pet. I was only kidding about your cookin’. Hate to be in the dog house our first night back.”

“I’m sure Buffy knows you were teasing her,” Joyce said. “I should have tried to teach her some of the family recipes anyway.”

Buffy decided to just go with the dream. “I always did want to know how you made that meatloaf. It’s never dry and cardboardy.”

“Barley,” Joyce whispered, “I use barley as filler. It keeps it moist!”

“I have to say, I usually like my barley liquid,” Hank lifted his glass of Scotch, “But I do love your meatloaf, Muffin!”

Joyce giggled and motioned to Buffy to join her in the kitchen. “Let’s leave these two fellas alone to talk about silly guy things while we catch up on important things, honey.”

“Sure, Mom,” Buffy walked slowly, taking in all the familiar things and noting what was different. Not just the people in the dream were different. All the family pictures showed Buffy and her parents, but not a one showed Dawn. A few photos even had Spike in the group, but there was no indication that Buffy had a little sister in this dream world.

The deep voices were muffled, but there seemed to be plenty of laughter coming from the living room. “I’m so glad your dad likes your husband. It makes things so much easier without all that male posturing that sometimes happens. My dad never liked Hank; we had trouble at first because of it.”

Buffy felt lightheaded at the word ‘husband’. She was married! To Spike! She looked down at her left hand at the sparkling circle of diamonds adorning her ring finger. Looked like Spike had some kind of decent job too. The idea of Spike and a job boggled the mind. “So, what do you think about Spike’s career?” Buffy fished for information.

“I’m so proud,” Joyce gushed. “All my book club friends are green with envy that I’m now the mother-in-law of a best selling author!”

Spike, a writer? Well, there were times when he had quoted poetry to her when he thought she was asleep. Funny how her subconscious had turned him into a writer.

“Buffy,” Willow was shaking her and had a worried look on her face.

“Huh?”

“Oh, thank the Goddess! I couldn’t get you to wake up. I was afraid you weren’t just asleep.”

“Just in deep dreamland,” Buffy tried to make light of it. “Guess I really was tired.

~~~

The hallucinations started coming more frequently and it was harder for the Scoobies to bring Buffy back each time.

“I was checking houses on that list you gave me looking for the terrible trio and then that demon thing poked me. That was the first time I remember checking out. I was in Sunnydale and I wasn’t a Slayer. Mom and Dad were there. Everything and everyone was normal--you know, regular people. None of this,” she gestured taking in everything around her, “was real. None of it.”

Xander scoffed, “Oh, come on, that’s ridiculous. What? You think this isn’t real just because of all the vampires and demons and the sister who used to be a big green ball of energy?” He stopped and frowned, realizing how crazy it all sounded.

Dawn was still upset at having been told she didn’t exist in Buffy’s happy, normal world. Buffy hadn’t dared mention her ‘husband’ Spike. It made Buffy feel bad knowing Dawn was so unhappy at being left out of her dream life, especially how much Buffy was coming to love her time in that bright and happy place.
Each time she slipped into the fugue state, she found herself loathe to leave it. Everything was wonderful in that world. No pain, no worries and more love than she knew what to do with. She hadn’t been so blissful since her sojourn in heaven. Each time she snapped back to the “real” world it was like losing heaven once again. She was beginning to really hate her friends for pulling her back, for looking at ways to keep her there with them.

After one long visit to her happy dream world, Willow had caught Buffy murmuring Spike’s name. That had led to her admitting he was present there. Dawn had pitched a fit that the vampire who had deserted them had made it into Buffy’s preferred world but not her. Willow and Xander looked like they felt much the same, even if greater maturity prevented them from stomping up the stairs and slamming doors.

“So,” Willow gently prodded, “Spike, huh?”

“Yeah, look, I know you guys get uncomfortable when I talk about what it’s like there,” Buffy tried to change the subject.

“NO. Well, okay a little,” Willow hedged. “Buffy, do you think that maybe in your subconscious you are kinda missing Spike?”

Buffy didn’t answer for so long that Willow thought for a moment that she had slipped away again. “Not just my subconscious, Will. I said terrible things to him, did terrible things to him. You only got a small glimpse of how bad it was.” Buffy teared up. “I wanted him so much, but I didn’t want to want him. I knew how you’d all take it.”

Willow bit her bottom lip. “Buffy, I probably wouldn’t have been all supporto-girl at the time, but after thinking about it…. If I had known you really did care about him, I would have been okay with it. I just want you to be happy, especially since I’m the one that pulled you out of heaven and made the whole mess in the first place.”

“I’m not mad at you anymore, you know,” Buffy reassured Willow. “I got past that and Spike actually was helping me to be happy again, to want to be alive.”

“Then I need to thank him someday,” Willow smiled. “Buffy, I really mean it. Xander and I have talked about you and Spike and we both know that we had no business trying to interfere, make you choose between your friends and the guy you were interested in. When Spike comes back home, I promise we’ll be good friends. I can’t swear that Xander will ever be bestest friends with Spike, but we’ll be nice. I kinda like him anyway. We all worked together really well that summer.”

Buffy hung her head and choked back tears. “I’m afraid the only way I’ll ever see him again is in this dream world, Will. You don’t know all that happened, all I did and said.”

“I’m sure Spike wasn’t Mr. Perfect himself,” Willow suggested.

“No, he made mistakes, but he was really trying to help,” Buffy admitted. “He was coming from that weird vampire logic place and it tripped him up from time to time, but his heart was in the right place.”

“Look,” Willow put on her resolve face, “First we’ll get you completely back in the real world and then we’ll work on how to get your vampire back.”

Buffy sniffled and put on a hopeful smile. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Thanks for forgiving me for being too caught up in power and control to notice my friend needed me.”

They embraced for the first time since Buffy’s return with nothing but love between them. It almost made Buffy want to stay in this real world of theirs.

~~~

Willow woke Buffy from a normal sleep with a happy smile, “Look, Buffy, I found the demon! It fits your description and your symptoms--you know, the trips to happy land--perfectly!”

Buffy looked at the offered picture and nodded. “Yup, that’s the nasty that nailed me. What’s it say about it? Will the effects just fade away?”

Willow looked somber. “Um, no. That’s the problem. It says that unless you drink the cure you’ll eventually slip into a coma and won’t wake up. I guess in your mind you’ll be in that world you’ve been visiting.”

Buffy wondered just how bad that would be, to just let it happen. She was happy there. Spike was…well, he was just like Spike tried to be here in the real world. He was loving and sexy and funny and treated her like she was a treasure. She had glimpses of that in him during those torrid weeks before she had driven him away. She had been having sex and he had always been making love. It had driven her crazy and brought out the uber-bitch in her.

Willow saw her frown and misunderstood. “It’s going to be fine. The stinger has the antidote, so all we need to do is trap the monster, snap off the stinger, do a little brewing,” Willow looked at the whole list of ingredients, “Ooh, it has nutmeg! That’ll make it tasty even. You’ll be fine in no time.”

‘Will I?’ she wondered. ‘How can I be fine in a world where I drove off the guy I think I’m in love with?’ To Willow, she said, “That’s great, Will. I knew you’d fix it.”

Thousand Kisses Deep 3/6

2009-11-06T00:26:27Z

~*~
Chapter 3
~*~

Giles looked at the clock and wondered who was banging on his door at such an early hour. No one from the Council would drop by, even if he still had personal friends there. He had been back for quite a while and still had not begun to actually build a life here in London. Too many years in Southern California had changed him, or rather too much involvement in the lives of those young people he had left behind had done so.

“I’m coming,” Giles muttered as he thrust his arms into the dressing robe and fumbled for his glasses. “This had best be important.”

His shock at seeing Spike on the other side of his door was only exceeded by his curiosity at seeing the vampire at all. From what he had been told by the children, Spike had left Sunnydale and washed his hands of them all.

“Gonna give me an invite, old man, or are we going to play this out for all your neighbors to enjoy?” Spike spoke softly but with an edge to his voice. Already two neighbors had poked their heads out to see what on earth was going on at this hour.

“I don’t see why I should give you free run of my home, Spike. In point of fact, I don’t see why I should give you the time of day.”

“Maybe because you need a few home truths told. Maybe because I can do something to help your Slayer or maybe just because you still have at least a tiny bit of the curiosity that drew you to the Council.”

Giles sighed at the inevitability of having this meeting. Spike was nothing if not tenacious; there would be no getting rid of the berk until he’d had his say. “Not here. Not in my home. I’ll meet you at a pub that’s become an unofficial after-hours club just down the street. Bloody pubs close at 11, but this one merely closes the doors. The Hanged Man. Show them some cash and they’ll open readily enough.” Giles looked at Spike’s rugged, disheveled appearance. “Their standards aren’t very high.”

“Wouldn’t think so, given you seem to give ‘em your custom,” Spike snarked back. “Twenty minutes, Watcher.”

Giles merely shut the door in his face, but Spike knew he’d be there.

~~~

Spike had already started on his second Newcastle Brown when the irritated Watcher slid into the bench opposite. The server responded quickly to Spike’s raised hand motioning for another ale for his newly arrived companion. The dark liquid sloshed a bit on the table, adding another to the quilt of stains on the once white tablecloth.

Giles sipped at his drink and waited for Spike to break the silence. It didn’t take long. “Fine job you made of it, leavin’ the girl right when she was fallin’ apart.”

“I did not get out of my warm bed, dress and come to this hole in the wall to be berated by a vampire for my decisions.” Giles started to get up from the table, but Spike put out a restraining hand.

“Fine.” Spike glared at the Watcher and without saying another word easily conveyed his opinion. “Point is, Buffy’s in a fix. Her friends are all addin’ to her burden with their problems, not really helpin’ her one bit. She and the Bit are livin’ hand to mouth on what little she makes at that grease pit and the Slayer’s too tired to care much about the nasties all linin’ up to get a piece of her.”

“I did what I had to do for Buffy’s sake,” Giles began defensively.

“You did what you wanted to for you, you old git!” Spike glared daggers at the man. “Lost her to death and couldn’t stand to see it happen again, so you high-tailed it a continent away. Thing is, you’re more than her Watcher, you’re the closest thing to a da she’s got. Just like the wanker who’s got the biological claim, you walked out on her. Another man leavin’ her high and dry, just what she needed, fresh out of the grave and all.”

“Buffy doesn’t need me, hasn’t for a long while.” Giles sipped at his ale.

Spike snorted in derision. “Sure she does. More now than ever if you ask me. She even turned to me and that should tell you how desperate she is for someone to take on some of the burden.”

Giles looked up in anger and began to reach across only to be stopped by a returned server asking if they needed anything.

“Calm down, Watcher. She had sense enough to end it.” Spike looked ancient for a moment. “Just tells you how desperate she is, how in need.” He drank the rest of his brew in one long gulp before continuing. “I finally got the message: wasn’t helpin’, was hurtin’. So I left. Just because I left doesn’t mean I don’t care. Still love the bint.”

Giles laughed. “Your obsessions tend to be lengthy.”

“Not worthy of her; know that. Did somethin’ about it too, but that only led me to see things a bit clearer. Now I know I can’t go back.” Spike whispered the last part with such sorrow in his voice that Giles was uneasy. “Still want to help.”

“Aside from the wise decision to leave her alone, I don’t see how you could offer anything of value,” Giles chided.

“More than you,” Spike shot back. “Did some diggin’ before I left Sunnyhell. Retrieved some of the shiny baubles in that tomb where I got the ring a few years ago. Played Lara Croft and liberated a nice bundle. Found a friendly fence and got a fair price. Course, flashin’ a bit of fang didn’t hurt.”

“I gave Buffy a sizeable check before I left,” Giles sputtered.

“And that was spent in minutes. Girl’s got all her mum’s debts, upkeep on little sis and the feeding and caring of the witch all to be met by a lousy minimum wage job that sucks the soul out of her and all her friends can say is ‘Can I get some fries with that?’ while she dies a little each day.” Spike motioned for another round. “I offered to help. You know, with the dosh. She turned me down. Needs it though.”

“What do you expect me to do?”

“I expect you to get the money to her in such a way that she’ll accept it. Hell, make her think it’s from the Council of Wankers, or from you, I don’t rightly care. Tell her it’s from a friend.”

“She’d probably think it was from Angel in that case.” Giles enjoyed the flash of pain he saw cross the vampire’s face at the mention of the souled vampire.

“Fine,” Spike growled out, “If that’s what it takes for her to accept it and not have to be worrying. Old bastard will likely be happy to accept credit.”

Giles looked closely at Spike then. For him to be willing to let Angel get credit for rescuing Buffy from financial disaster must signify something. Could it be that Spike actually did have real feelings for Buffy? “So a check is going to fix her problems, is that it?”

“NO, that’s probably the least of it,” Spike looked at the Watcher as if he’d taken leave of his senses. “Needs you. Needs her friends whole and helpful. That’s what gave her the edge, helped make her the best. She needs her support system back. She’s the best Slayer I’ve ever seen, but part of it is because she has people she loves, people who love her, around her. That’s what makes her fight to survive. Take that away and she’s just markin’ time till the death wish kicks in and some ugly has their lucky day.”

Spike pushed an envelope towards Giles and rose to leave. “Just get this to her. Tell her it’s from Angel, I don’t care. If it makes her feel loved, wanna live, do it. If you care for the girl then give some thought to goin’ back and bein’ the da she needs.” Spike leveled a serious look at Giles and warned, “If you don’t, you’ll be makin’ the trip to attend her funeral. The girl’s in need. Man up, Giles, you’re the one who crossed the line and made her family. If the May festival gets to be too much and you lot need extra muscle, send word through a demon named Clem back in SunnyD. He’ll know how to reach me. I’ll stay in touch. Otherwise, I’ll stay clear.”

Spike had been gone for quite a while before Giles opened the envelope and stared at all the zeros on the check. With that amount, Buffy would never need to work except for her Slaying. Hell, she might be able to buy the Council with this check!

~~~

Xander had groveled to no avail. Anya was having none of his apologies. Fortunately, his luck was better with Willow and Buffy.

Life was beginning to go back to normal on the surface. Buffy was still trying to rid the town of the terror of the nerd trio and their increasingly dangerous antics and Willow and Tara were close to being a couple again.

“I don’t know how stuff got so mixed up. I blew it.” Xander sat on the bench next to Buffy. “I miss Anya so much. I guess I know that I’m a better person with her in my life. Things got so complicated, then I left and ever since I’ve had this painful hole inside and I’m the idiot that dug it out.” He looked at Buffy and saw a parallel pain in her eyes. Time for grovel part two.

Xander had done a bit of growing up. Throwing away a happy future had a way of sobering a person. As much as the surface seemed to be peaceful, there were still apologies owed to more than Anya and so Xander was determined to give them.

“I thought a lot about mistakes I made.” Buffy had never seen Xander so somber. “I screwed up a lot…and not just the big disaster at the wedding.”

“That was pretty spectacular as far as screw-ups go,” Buffy smiled and tried to lighten the mood. Somehow serious Xander was scary.

He chuckled but wasn’t put off from his purpose. “Yeah, well, I rarely do things in halves. Buffy, I haven’t been a good friend in a long time and I am sorry.”

“What are you talking about? You’re the bestest of best friends,” Buffy pulled him into a hug and felt herself tear up. “You’re like my brother.”

“Exactly. I’m like your brother, only I was kinda your pervy brother for a while deep down, and I don’t think I even know why anymore.” Buffy looked confused. “I think I was kinda in love with the idea of being in love with you, subconsciously…I’ve got one of those, you know,” he grinned. “I mean, I really thought that I did love you like a brother and I knew you felt that way about me and that was cool. Still, somewhere inside where I didn’t even really see it, I wanted to be the one, the human guy that was your Mr. Right. I think I was really more in love with the dream than the real deal, ‘cause I truly loved Anya at the same time. God, this sounds bad.”

Buffy blinked and moved slightly apart from him on the bench where they were sitting.

“Don’t be nervous, I’m over it. Not over loving you, just the pervy part. I probably have been for a long time but didn’t admit it to myself. I’ll always love you, but it is like a brother kinda thing…I finally get that and even want that.”

“I wish you could have been my Mr. Right, Xan,” Buffy admitted. “It would be so simple. You’re a good guy. You’re good-looking and funny and sweet.” She fought the urge to cry. “I don’t know what to say. You can’t help who you love…or don’t.”

“I know.” Xander looked in the direction of the Magic Box and Buffy knew his heart was there with Anya. “I also want to apologize for all that stuff I said when I found out about you and Spike.”

“Not a problem,” Buffy started to get up. She did not want to talk about Spike with anyone, especially Xander.

“Yeah, it is a problem. I stuck my nose in and it wasn’t my business.” Buffy shook her head but Xander took her hands and pulled her back to sit on the bench again. “I knew Spike loved you; we all did. It was obvious after you…after you….”

“Died,” Buffy finished for him. “You can say it.”

Xander shrugged and still looked uncomfortable with putting that horrible experience into words. “Anyway, we knew. He’d even tried to be a halfway decent guy. He must have been doing something right or you wouldn’t have been interested. Besides, it wasn’t up to me or anyone else who you wanted to be with. I get that now.”

“I'm sorry. I should have told you, all of you. It must have been a shock walking in on us that way,” Buffy whispered. Xander noted that he had been right in thinking Buffy was having some regret-induced pain too. She had panicked when he had confronted her in Spike’s crypt and said some harsh things to the guy she had just slept with. Fine friend he had turned out to be!

“Maybe you would have told me if I hadn't given you so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it. Then I went and proved what an ass I could be,” he looked ashamed. “Willow was deep in her magic trouble and had just lost Tara, so I get why you didn’t tell her.”

“I told Tara,” Buffy blurted out.

Xander looked shocked, then a bit hurt and finally resigned. “Yeah, well, Tara isn’t judgmental like some of your friends. Makes sense.”

“She was great. I leaned on her a lot,” Buffy admitted. “I’m glad she and Willow are working it out.”

“Me too, but don’t change the subject,” Xander smiled knowingly. “Look, if you care for the guy, I just want you to know I’ll not butt in. I just want my sister happy.”

Buffy didn’t even realize her tears had spilled until she felt Xander brush one away. “Too late, I’m afraid. Spike’s never come back. I think I finally pushed him too far.”

Xander flinched. It was obvious from Buffy’s trembling lips that Spike had won more than Buffy’s body, even if he didn’t know it.

“He’ll be back. Spike always comes back.”

“Not this time.”

“What about us? Are we good?” Xander looked eager and a bit nervous.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Buffy threw her arms around him and sniffed back a tear.

~~~

Giles had booked his airfare allowing for a short layover in Los Angeles. He had no desire to stay longer than necessary in Angel’s company. No soul could ever trump the memory of dear dead Jenny. The cashier’s check Spike had given to him for Buffy was drawn on a bank in LA and Angel had agreed to go to Sunnydale with Giles and give the check to Buffy explaining that it came from a “secret donor”. They both figured that Buffy would assume the donor was Angel himself. Giles thought the souled vampire had sounded far too eager to play into the scheme.

“Oh, I am sorry,” the disheveled Lydia offered as she bumped into Giles, knocking a few books from the small stack he was planning to take back to Sunnydale with him. “Rupert! I had heard you were paying us a visit. How lovely to see you again.”

“Nice to see you as well, Lydia. I’m leaving at the end of the week actually.”

“And you didn’t plan to ring me up and say hello at least before going?” she looked hurt. “I should be insulted but instead find myself merely a bit wistful. I understand you’ve been home for quite some time. I would have enjoyed spending a bit of time with you.” She flushed brightly. “I would have loved to hear some stories about your many adventures dealing firsthand with William the Bloody, especially now that he’s seemingly done the unimaginable.”

Giles wondered how the Council had found out about the generous check. “Now how on earth did you find out about that?”

“Well, no one knows for certain, of course, but the rumors fairly flew out of our African office. Not everyday the demon and human world gossip about the same rumor.”

Giles looked baffled. “Just what rumor would that be, Lydia?”

The attractive Watcher lightly patted his arm and giggled like a schoolgirl. “No need to be coy, Rupert. I imagine you had something to do with guiding him towards it. After all, you did work side by side for some time ever since that chip was implanted. Still, it’s unheard of for a demon to actually CHOOSE…well…I’m all agog! I always felt he was special in some way. You remember I did my thesis on him.”

“I assure you that I haven’t a clue about what you are talking about!” Giles looked completely flummoxed. “Just what is it that Spike is rumored to have done?”

“Why, sought the return of his soul, of course.”

The books in Giles’ arms dropped at the same time as his jaw.

Thousand Kisses Deep 2/6

2009-11-06T00:19:47Z

~*~
Chapter 2
~*~

Buffy’s birthday party had been subdued to say the least. The only real excitement came when Dawn’s present of a lovely leather jacket complete with security tags alerted the Slayer to her little sister’s new hobby.

Buffy had half expected Spike to show up and crash the party. With Xander’s continued fuming over the tryst he had uncovered, that would have led to yet another of Buffy’s birthday disasters. Instead she merely had to slay a demon that her war trophy sword seemed to house and deal with the uncomfortable presence of a blind date, courtesy of Xander and Anya. In short, the day had been dull by Buffy birthday standards.

Spike had disappeared from the world as far as Buffy could tell. His crypt was vacant as if no one had ever lived there at all. She wasn’t sure if her plan had been to make an apology for the hurt she had clearly inflicted by denying him in front of Xander and Willow or if she had been looking for another round of slap and tickle, but the fact that Spike was missing when she wanted to see him irritated her to no end.

As days passed by with no sign of Spike anywhere in Sunnydale, she started to worry that something had happened to him, something dusty. ‘No! I’d know it’. If Xander had made good on his threat, he would have crowed about it. Besides, Spike’s crypt was empty, and for once that knowledge gave her comfort instead of pain.

She was lost in thoughts of what might have happened to Spike when she came to an abrupt stop, taking in the sight of a mirage. “Riley?” The ‘mirage’, now clearly real, grinned before he spoke. “Sorry to just drop in on you like this. I need your help, Buffy.”

Buffy couldn’t believe it. Riley had casually left her at one of her lowest points, a time she needed all the help she could get and here he was asking for her help. “…Suvolte demon we’ve tracked here. They’re rare and lethal. The whole breed is nearly extinct, but this one is breeding. We figure that’s why it’s come here to the Hellmouth.”

Riley explained his mission, then introduced his shiny new wife, Sam. ‘Well, it didn’t take too long to replace me, did it?’ Buffy would have laughed if it hadn’t hurt so much. Not that she wanted Riley back--she was SO over him--but still, it would have been nice to know he had some trouble moving on. After all, she had moved on with Spike--stop! There had been no moving on. Spike had been a temporary glitch, that was all. So why did her heart hurt at the thought of the missing vampire?

~~~

“Sorry again for killing the nasty,” Buffy shot a rueful grin at the couple. They looked like they had popped into her reality from some James Bond movie and now they were exiting the same way! “Nice getaway helicopter you’ve got there.” The spotlight was blinding as Riley hooked up to the winch to be whisked upward and out of her life once more.

‘I should be feeling all kinds of sad here.’ Buffy didn’t know how to describe her emotions but “relieved” came closest to it. It had all been such a whirlwind. The demon hunt, the surprise wife, the quick leave-taking had all taken no more than a night. Buffy hadn’t had time to process it all, but one thing she was certain of at last: she had never loved Riley Finn.

“Man!” Xander was nearly drooling. “What a life! Buffy, you need to have the Council do some serious upgrades.”

“I’m happy with my old-fashioned Chosen One gig, thanks.” As exciting as the lifestyle Riley and Sam had described seemed, Buffy couldn’t really see enjoying jetting and helicoptering from place to place using high-tech gadgets. “Guns and Buffy are non-mixy, remember?”

“You did fine with that rocket launcher,” Willow reminded her.

“True, but I still prefer a nice shiny sword or a reliable piece of sharp wood,” Buffy laughed. “Call me a traditionalist. Besides, getting the Council to part with a nickel is harder than facing an apocalypse! Can you just see Quentin Travers if I asked them to send a Blackhawk and pilot for my personal use? His head would go kaplooie.”

“There is that,” Xander nodded in agreement. “But then that would just be a plus.” He put a friendly arm around Buffy and Willow’s waists and guided the girls back to the Summers living room.

They had resumed the jokey, easy, friendship of yore, at least on the surface. As soon as it became obvious that Spike had moved on, all tension had eased. Xander preferred to pretend that Spike and Buffy’s involvement had never happened, and Willow was too interested in patching up her own love life to poke about in Buffy’s emotional fallout. Tara had kept Buffy’s confidence and Anya had been clueless to everything that had happened.

Willow and Tara headed out to the Bronze soon after Riley’s departure. Anya had gone on ahead to get a table for all of them, having taken her leave early. She still wasn’t completely comfortable around the demon hunters, even though Sam had seemed more interested in the wedding plans than Anya’s history.

“So is the Buffster ready to bust a move or three?” Xander crooked his arm in offer of escort.

“Think I’m gonna pass, Xan.” Buffy felt an emotional let-down that she didn’t fully understand. All she did know was that she wasn’t in the mood to party. “Too much slaying after a hard day at the Doublemeat grill makes for one tired Buffy.”

Xander looked disappointed but gave her a quick squeeze and hurried out to catch up with the girls. His “Later then” trailed behind him.

“You wanna talk?” Dawn had been watching all day, worried that Riley and his new wife coming to town all lovey-dovey and content might be a last straw for her still bad-moody sister.

“Not really.” Buffy noted the disappointed look on Dawn’s face and added, “Not much to talk about. I’m not upset and I guess I think that maybe I should be. I think it just hit me how much I didn’t feel for Riley after all.”

“It was almost funny how Riley tried to pin the demon egg thing on Spike when he hasn’t even been in town for weeks!” Dawn giggled. “Then to find out that the “doctor” guy was a human, not a demon, was icing on the cake.”

“Yeah, well, in Riley’s defense, that’s just the sort of lame thing Spike might have pulled,” Buffy frowned.

Dawn gave her a shocked look, “You are kidding, right? First, there is no way Spike would use the name ‘Doctor’ after what Doc did on the tower, and second, Spike hasn’t done anything really evil in a long time.”

“Chip, Dawnie, a piece of metal and plastic that leashes the beast,” Buffy sighed.

“Not the chip. Spike’s been trying to be good, really trying, not that he gets any credit.” Dawn had her pouty face on. “He could still do lots of evil if he wanted to. Jeez, Buffy, the chip wouldn’t stop him from burning down our house while we’re asleep! There’s lots of things he could do and not get zapped.”

Buffy stared at her little sister with a strange expression on her face. It was true! There were lots of things Spike could have done if he truly wanted to wreck havoc in her life but he hadn’t. All this time he could have done anything to her; the chip didn’t work where she was concerned. He hadn’t even hit her since that first time. All he’d done was bug her with vows of love and driven her nearly crazy with mind-blowing sex. He’d also been handy on patrol, come to think of it. Buffy hadn’t realized how much she had relied on the vampire until he skipped out on her. Nightly back-aches were only one reminder of his absence.

Dawn seemed to have come to the conclusion that Spike had just gone on an extended vacation or something because it hadn’t sunk in that he was likely gone for good. That thought brought a surprising amount of moisture to Buffy’s eyes.

~~~

“Should we do something for her?” Dawn reached for her tea mechanically. “Anything?”

“She wants to be alone. That's what she wants.” Willow looked anything but sure about that decision. “It just hurts my heart to think of her.” She sipped at her cup of tea, setting it down quickly as she burned her tongue. “I never thought I’d ever feel anything for Anya but annoyance. God, this is awful!”
“I know. The whole thing hurts my heart.” Buffy shook her head wearily. “They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.”

“I thought they were happy.” Dawn sounded small and lost. “Why did this happen?”

Willow had some suspicions, but none she wanted to voice. She had known Xander most of his life, after all. “I don't know. I feel like I should be hating Xander right about now, but I can't,” she sighed, “I just...I just hope he's okay.”

The wedding from hell, literally, had been a disaster for everyone. None was spared, but no one was more harmed than Anya. The intended bride had disappeared shortly after sending everyone home with the heartbreaking announcement that the wedding was not going to take place. The groom had done his disappearing act shortly before leaving his explanation to the heartbroken girl he left at the altar.
Somehow Buffy had the weird thought in the back of her mind that if these two friends of hers could just find happiness then it was not too late for her as well. No one in her world seemed to get a lucky break when it came to love! Tara and Willow were slowly coming back together…but for how long? Xander walking out on Anya like that had been a blow to the heart.

It had been a long day wearing that hideous dress and playing peacekeeper between the well-behaved demons and the demonically acting humans. She had to admire Xander for being as decent a guy as he was coming from that family! At least until he turned tail, leaving Anya to pick up the pieces. All the courage Xander had shown over the years and then he decided to chicken out on what was supposed to be the happiest day of his life!

Buffy had felt an inner sense of hope all day until that horrible last act of the farce. She had imagined Spike showing up and teasing her about looking like a demon herself in the radioactive green monstrosity chosen for the bridesmaids. She had even smiled thinking of his teasing voice and bright eyed look of appreciation in spite of her costume of the day.

Face it, there just were no happy endings for any of them. Willow had better be prepared!

~~~

Xander lay on the small bed in the cheap hotel that was his refuge from the cold, wet world. It was supposed to be his wedding night, his first official night as part of a happily married couple. Anya had looked so beautiful he found it hard to breathe just looking at her. The look of desperation on her face as he told her there would be no wedding was seared in his mind forever. She had been in obvious pain and he had been the one to cause it. He was no better than the demon that had come to destroy their day, worse! That demon hated Anya and Xander had professed to love her.

All those visions had horrified him. Yes, he had always feared becoming just like his father. It was his greatest fear, actually, far worse than the childish fear of clowns that used to plague him. To become abusive and bitter, taking out his inner ugliness on Anya was unthinkable. He had watched his mother being slowly destroyed over the years, finally becoming as destructive as her husband in the end. In all the visions, he had been damaged by following Buffy, working at her side even when Anya had begged for his attention. Maybe that was the real issue…maybe what he really feared was that he was with the wrong woman.

He loved Anya. Who wouldn’t? She was beautiful, sexy, and successful. All the guys at the site were impressed that a guy like him had a girl like her who clearly adored him. She had come into his world intending on cursing him in some way and she herself had ended up being the one to suffer.

For some reason, he had never been able to completely put aside his attraction for Buffy. No matter how great the sex with Anya, no matter how clearly Buffy had rejected his interest, he still had that kernel of hope that one day the Slayer would look at him and realize how great they could be.

Buffy was every dream he had ever had growing up reading comics filled with superheroes that couldn’t hold a candle to the Slayer! She had swept into his world and made him a part of hers. She had never made him feel like a nobody, the schmuck who was always getting pantsed, shoved into lockers and being the butt of all the jokes by the other guys. His dad always made him feel worthless at home and aside from Willow and Jesse, no one in the outer world had ever noticed the value of Alexander LaVelle Harris until Buffy. He would always love her if for no other reason than that.

He needed to finally accept that Buffy was his friend and that was the sum total of it. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he still wanted it to be more than that. He had been terribly jealous of Angel. That his shining heroine, the monster killer, had chosen to give her heart to one of the very monsters she was called to destroy had stung. It added insult to injury and the day Angel left for LA was one for rejoicing, in Xander’s opinion.

Riley had been a cool guy. Xander liked to think that they were alike in many ways. Finn was all that Xander could have been if circumstances were different. Heck, when he had been a soldier that Halloween, he could have stood toe to toe with the commando and been his equal! Somehow Buffy being with Riley had almost been like her choosing him. It was a vicarious thrill and he had to admit that his heart seemed to have broken more than Buffy’s when Riley left. It was like he had lost her himself!

Seeing Buffy turn to Spike had set him off like never before. All thought of the times Spike had saved his life that summer, the semi-friendly pool games, all of it had gone out the window at the realization that once more Buffy had been attracted to a monster over him. What, was he invisible?!

Xander’s eyes widened as he remembered the time when Buffy had been invisible and he had looked for her at Spike’s crypt. ‘They must have thought I was a complete idiot!’ Of course she was there. Spike hadn’t needed to get a girlfriend; he had one--Buffy! The vampire hadn’t been lying about their relationship; it wasn’t just that one time he’d been with Buffy.

Xander thought back on all those months since they brought Buffy back from the dead and remembered how she was always turning to Spike. Even before she had jumped from the tower to her death she had begun to turn to the vampire. He reviewed it all in his mind, his emotions numbed from his own pain and plenty of whiskey, and now he saw it through fresh eyes.

Spike did love the Slayer. His actions that summer when she was dead proved that to anyone not prejudiced against the idea. Buffy might not have loved Spike, but clearly she was attracted. No way could Spike have forced himself on the Slayer. Buffy could wipe the floor with him even without the chip. He had been blind!

All that time Xander had trailed behind the Slayer, hoping for crumbs, notice. He probably wouldn’t have been able to satisfy her if he did get the chance. He was no superhero himself, just a regular guy. If even Riley hadn’t managed to hold Buffy’s interest, how much less would plain Xander Harris? Anya had been jealous and she had reason.

He had always denied it when Anya accused him of mooning over the Slayer. He hadn’t admitted it to himself, so it wasn’t that he was lying to her. Anya had tried to seduce him away from his fantasy of Buffy, tried to make new fantasies with her in the female lead role. She had put up with so much from him! She had tried to be friends with all of his friends, even when they hadn’t been exactly welcoming to her. She was always so hopeful, so full of pure happiness. Anya had dreams of building a really good life with him and he had pulled it all down with just a few words.

His vaguely formed fantasy world had cost him everything. He had destroyed any hope of a life with Anya. He had tainted his friendship with Buffy while possibly costing her some well deserved happiness with Spike. God only knew what Willow thought of him after this day. Willow had never approved of Anya, but no one could watch what he had done and take his side in this. He’d never seen a look of sadness quite like the one Anya had as he turned from her and wandered out into the rain. Even the heavens were crying for her!

‘Anya.’ Xander pulled on the bottle of Old Crow that was his only companion for the night. The one woman who did want him that way and he had walked away. It was for her own good, just like he had told her. He’d eventually screw it up and hurt her even worse than he had today. Anya was better off without him. They all were.

Xander refused to cry. He feared that once he started there would be no end.

Thousand Kisses Deep 1/6

2009-11-05T23:59:42Z

Title: Thousand Kisses Deep
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: Fiction
Rating: R
Summary: Dawn’s wish to Halfrek is quite different from canon and may wind up being the best gift Buffy receives for her birthday, even if it is late in the receiving.
Setting: S6 and begins to go AU at “Older and Far Away” (written by Drew Z. Greenberg). I am using a tiny bit of dialogue from that episode in the beginning of the story before it goes a very different direction. Hints of events in episodes through “Normal Again” and then completely AU. Very tiny bit of dialogue from “Hell’s Bells” by Rebecca Rand Kirshner and “Normal Again” by Diego Gutierrez appear in this story for episode set-up purposes.
A/N: This seasonal_spuffy on LJ theme was “heart vs. head” and/or “distance.” It is hard to write Spike without the “heart vs. head” entering in, so I think this will qualify.
The title was inspired by the song “A Thousand Kisses Deep” by Leonard Cohen. The lyrics are posted at end of story, but it’s not necessary that you read or hear it. If you wish to hear it (vid isn’t much, but sound is great) here is a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0j14GrB-u8
Much thanks, as always, to my fabulous Beta and perfect little sister, scarlett2u (Mary). Without her wise advice and diligent care in the grammar and punctuation corrections, my stories would suffer terribly! Thank you, sweetie, you are the best!
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me and are being used for amusement purposes only. All rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the original writers of the episodes, books and other licensed products connected to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, particularly Twentieth Century Fox, WB, CW, and UPN, all rights reserved.

~*~
Chapter 1
~*~

‘Great! Forget about getting off grounding now. As soon as Buffy finds out I got called to the counselor’s office, I’m toast!’ Dawn was having such a loud conversation with herself that she had only half attended to the words the guidance counselor was saying. ‘Did someone see me and rat me out for my five finger discounts? I swear, God, get me out of this one and I’ll never steal another thing again.’ She thought about keeping that promise and squirmed. ‘Well, only if it’s something we really, really, need--you know, like food and stuff.’

“I know it must seem weird talking to a stranger about stuff, but I want you to know that if there is something going on, something up…it’s my job, my pleasure to look out for you.” The overeager smile on the face of the counselor didn’t have the effect of calming Dawn’s nerves one bit. She was too fixated on the ‘something going on’ part of the conversation.

Adults always tried to trick you with kindness. First came the nice words and treacle smiles and next thing you knew you were confessing all your sins! Dawn gave the woman her best wide-eyed innocent look and returned the smile. “No, really, I’m okay. We’re okay, except, you know, missing Mom.”

“I know there has been such a lot of loss in your life, Dawn. You probably wish you had a very different life,” the counselor hinted.

Dawn thought about how things had changed since Joyce had died and then Buffy had died too. She had started to build a makeshift family with Willow and Tara and Spike. Now that Buffy was back, it wasn’t all roses and kittens like it was supposed to be. Her made-up family was all in tatters, Buffy was distant and they had nothing but hard times everywhere she looked. “People keep going away and I miss them.” She felt a surge of resentment when she thought about how Buffy’s return had led to Spike’s defection. It wasn’t fair that she could only have one of them around, if you could even say Buffy was around at all.

Buffy really pissed her off some times. Sure, it had to be hard being dead then alive and all, but it was more than that. Her whole life--well, okay, her fake memory life--Buffy had always had to be the center of everything! She was the drama queen that the whole world revolved around and it wasn’t fair. Dawn had problems too! Like that guy in her fourth period who might have a crush on her, or maybe was just a mean jerk…who could tell? She should be able to talk to her sister or to her friend Spike about it and sort it out before she made an idiot out of herself with the boy.

“I’d bet you wish things were a whole lot different,” the counselor tried to nudge Dawn into being verbal again. Clearly the girl was filled with teen angst and nothing was as sure a customer to a vengeance demon as one of those! Some of Halfrek’s most creative work had been at the behest of teens during one of their many excursions into their own private world of pain and insecurity. Few humans were as self-absorbed as the average adolescent and this one was a ticking time-bomb.

On the other side of the desk, said bomb was getting more and more incendiary as she contemplated the unfairness of her life. Buffy was older! She was supposed to be in charge but it was like she was just drifting, not caring or thinking about anything. Heck, even Giles had noticed and headed for the hills. Sadly, Dawn had nowhere to go.

“I just wish she’d figure out what she wants and move on from there! She should just get what she says she wants and maybe she’d be happy,” Dawn blurted out. Part of her worried that nothing short of being dead again would be what Buffy actually wanted right now and that thought was unthinkable.

“Who, dear?” Halfrek began to get slightly nervous. It had been a gamble approaching the Slayer’s little sister this way, but seeing how that self-righteous girl had been treating her friend Anya all these years just stuck in her craw. A little bit of payback was fair, wasn’t it? Still, she didn’t want to be too extreme in her granting of wishes; they were dealing with the Slayer after all.

“My sister. She’s just drifting around day to day and not really living. She’s supposed to be taking care of me! She’s not even noticing anyone else but herself unless it’s Tuesday Crisis Day or something. She starts things then drops them and walks away when she loses interest or when someone else needs something from her and I’m sick of it! I wish she’d just realize what she has and decide what she wants and we’d all be happier in the end.” She shivered thinking about how close Buffy had come just the week before to walking out of her life for good. She had even preferred going to prison for something she didn’t even do to handling regular life with her little sister.

Halfrek decided to play into her cover story a bit. There was no point in drawing any suspicion in case things didn’t go well. “I’m sure it hurts you a lot seeing your sister going through this transition, but you do have to keep in mind the large amount of responsibility she has assumed with your mother gone and your father out of touch.”

“Sheeya,” Dawn huffed. “She took a crappy job that she hates and didn’t even bother to really look for one that she’d like better. She didn’t think to ask Willow to pay rent even! Spike tried to help and she won’t let him. I think she just likes being miserable.”

‘Ah yes, William.’ Halfrek had been very surprised to see the annoying poet of her youth now an ageless vampire and in love with the Slayer no less. ‘If I’d had any idea he could clean up so nicely I might have given him at least a little of my time. Oh well, water under the bridge.’

Dawn didn’t hear the softly spoken “Done” from the counselor’s lips so lost in thought was she.

~~~

Buffy swished the fancy sword in the air, testing it for heft and balance. The body of the demon she had just dispatched with it had simply disappeared. “They should all do that, save on hiding the bodies and clean-up.”

Spike watched from a small distance. He wasn’t sure if he should approach the Slayer given how they had last parted company. She had beaten him to a bloody pulp, put all her self-hate on him and spewed it out in words and fists until he couldn’t walk. She had left him there too. That had hurt the most. She hadn’t given a backward glance at the carnage she had left in her wake, leaving him to the non-existent mercies of his many demon enemies and the rapidly approaching deadly sun. Nearly a week and his body still bore the marks she had left on it.

“You can come out, Spike. I know you’re there. I’m not planning on using this new toy on you.” She rolled her eyes at the thought of Spike being shy about approaching her; usually he was like a leech that she couldn’t shake off. “Not unless you really ask for it.”

Spike stepped into her line of view. “Now that’s what I’m worried about. Hard to tell just what you think I’m asking for nowadays.”

Buffy shrugged off the twinge of guilt his words inspired. She had enough on her plate without worrying about hurting the supposed feelings of this undead pest. “Come on out of the shadows…and don’t give me any crap about me belonging in the dark with you.”

Spike edged closer still staying out of the circle of light offered by the lone sodium vapor streetlight. “Just askin’ for you to admit we have somethin’. It may not be pretty, but it’s real, and you feel it too,” he ventured.

“We have nothing, Spike. Nothing but a twisted history of fighting and hatred and disgust. You perv on me and I was finally weak enough, lonely enough, to let you seduce me.”

“Ha,” he snorted, “you wish!” All this time and Buffy was still waist deep in the Nile. “As I remember it, and I remember ever single wicked, delicious, moment, you were the one with your finger on my zipper. You started this particular dance, Buffy, and before you put the rest that happened on me, remember that you were the one to keep coming back for more. Even invisible you made a path to my door so blazin’ that I can’t believe your little friends didn’t stumble over it, even as blind as that lot can be.”

The reminder of her own lack of control, the unspoken desires that started the chain of events that had led to this quagmire only served to panic and anger the Slayer. “You were never anything but a distraction Spike. You can be replaced with a reliable vibrator. Makes less noise.” She could see him grow still at her hateful words. “You need to get it in your head that there is no ‘us’, this crap about us having something is all in your head. YOU have something--insanity! I have my life to figure out. Life, get it, Spike, as in living, something you’re not. You aren’t even real! You’re just a slavering animal, a demon in a people suit that turns to ash when you eventually try my patience too far. You’re evil and just the thought of you disgusts me beyond the telling. This thing we’ve been doing? It causes you to have delusions and me to be full of self-loathing. We have no Hallmark moments, nothing to cherish.”

Spike moved into the circle of light and Buffy saw the wreckage of his face and the pain in his eyes, though she tried to ignore both. “What have I ever done to give you the idea that you could ever have a place in my heart, Spike? I don’t even let you in my house anymore. Yeah, I made the mistake of kissing you and you were really convenient for cheap sex, but that’s all it is. Don’t make more of it than that.”

“I’m still drownin’ in you, Slayer. I’m in a thousand kisses deep. I look at you and go under and, God help me, I don’t want rescuin’.” Spike drew in a shaky breath. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I look at you and you blind me you shine so bright. I know the kind of woman you are, Buffy, all of you. You wouldn’t be with me if you didn’t have feelings, even if they are buried. It may take a long time for you to recognize them and even longer to admit them, but I’m not going anywhere.”

Buffy had no idea how she found herself so close to him since he hadn’t moved, but she was in touching distance now and her hand had a mind of its own as it traveled to his swollen cheek. “You’re wrong, Spike. All we have is some strange, nasty, physical thing that I’ll get out of my system soon and then you won’t even be a memory.”

“You’ll remember,” Spike vowed as he pulled her roughly to his body and plundered her mouth. His tongue invaded her mouth passing the unguarded gates of parted, waiting lips. It was always like this with them: denials and ugly words and then the irresistible pull of desire that fused them in passion. He whispered against her soft mouth, “I’ll be here to remind you.”

Buffy pulled his head back down and once more gave in to the sweet ecstasy of kisses unlike anyone else had ever given, even in her imagination. The heat they generated burned into her, threatening to melt the ice she had carefully used to encase her fragile heart and terrifying her with the threat of feeling. She moaned partly in despair and partly in surrender as Spike lifted her into his arms and without breaking the spell of the kiss, strode to his crypt.

~~~

“I’m telling you what I saw!” Xander was beside himself.

“Yes, Xander, I remember we did this scene already once before. It was the Buffybot then,” Willow teased.

“The Bot’s a bundle of wires in the basement of the Magic Box; this was Buffy.” Xander had finally stopped hyperventilating and his voice now carried the steel of determination. “He’s taking advantage of her vulnerability, Will, and we’ve got to save her.”

Tara stopped blowing up balloons for the planned birthday party and tried to cap the emotional volcano of Scooby outrage. “Buffy’s a big girl, Xander. Maybe she likes Spike. He’s helped out a lot and changed quite a bit. I don’t think he’d ever hurt her.”

“Aha! The one word that makes what you say impossible: ‘Spike’! No way would Buffy ever lower herself to…to…to…to anything with any demon, but especially not that one.”

“She did fall for Angel,” Willow mused.

“And got burned,” Xander reminded her. “No way would Buffy do that to us, to herself, again.” He eyed the pile of weapons hungrily. “It has to be a spell or something like that. Lots of weird things have been happening to Buffy since she’s been back, remember? ‘Flash!Buffy’ and ‘Repeato-Day Buffy’ and ‘Invisi-Buffy’ to name just three. It has to be a spell and my guess is that Spike’s behind it. He’s obsessed with her and she’s not in a good place emotionally. Easy pickin’s.”

“There have been lots of things happening to Buffy, that’s true. Maybe we should talk to her, check it out and see if she’s being manipulated in any way.” Willow put on her resolve face. “We’ll get to the bottom of it and fix things.”

“Willow…,” Tara began with a worried look on her face.

“Don’t worry, sweetie. No magic, I promise!” Willow was so glad to have another chance with her love that she didn’t want to risk the shaky relationship on a crusade unless it proved absolutely necessary. “We’ll just check things out, ask questions.”

“Don’t you think Buffy has a right to make her own choices?” Tara was suddenly glad that Buffy hadn’t felt like her approval had been necessary in Willow’s love choices. “I understood why we had to step in the last time when it was the robot, but Spike has really proved he’s not so evil since then. Maybe Buffy just needs him right now.”

“This is Spike, Tara. He doesn’t stop being evil. Just ask him!” Xander turned to Willow, ignoring the quiet voice of reason offered by Tara. “I say we march over there and demand some answers.”

~~~

They hadn’t made it to the bed as usual. Hadn’t made it past the floor of the crypt, in fact. Buffy and Spike lay on the floor in post-coital exhaustion with just his coat around them to block the chill of the earthen floor. Any moment now and Buffy would give her standard after-sex lecture on how it would never happen again, gather her bits and pieces and stomp off in a huff, leaving Spike colder than his undead state normally did, his heart an aching stone in his breast. The wetness would once more pool in his eyes, liquid weakness unremarked upon and unwanted. He waited for the inevitable shoe to drop and savored the brief seconds when he could pretend that they really were there together.

The door was flung open with enough force to break the plaster on the wall it hit. “See!” Xander, with all the zeal of Torquemada at the height of the Inquisition, pointed an accusing finger at the startled couple.

Buffy was scrambling to cover herself while desperately brainstorming how to explain just why and who she was with to her two shocked and disapproving friends. She didn’t even notice when Spike drew his duster around her form, shielding her from exposure.

“Eep!” Willow covered her eyes but wasn’t certain if it was to shield them from the flash of Buffy’s bare skin or the Full Monty offered by Spike.

Spike, recovering his aplomb, grinned at the irate human and rose gracefully, uncaring about his nudity. “What can I say…girl needs a little monster in her man. Two things you can’t offer.” He glared challengingly at Xander, knowing full well that a percentage of Xander’s problem was the attraction the boy had never fully tamped down even though he’d moved on with Anya.

“You’re not a man, Spike, you’re a walking corpse. And, ewww, that just makes this even more sickening and wrong,” Xander spat.

Buffy had scrambled behind the sarcophagus and dressed quickly. She could feel the ringing in her ears that threatened a quick kiss of the floor and further humiliation.

Willow was looking at the ceiling muttering, “Clothes, please, clothes!” Spike, being more intent on standing his ground, did not heed her pleas.

“What Buffy and I do is none of your business, boy.” Spike gave a look that once would have caused deep fear in the human, but that was before the chip had de-fanged him sufficiently. Spike shook his head in annoyance and with a deep sigh and quick glance at the pale-faced witch, pointed out to the still muttering Willow, “My home, no one asked you to barge in here uninvited. Don’t blame me if I’m not dressed for company.”

Buffy, now fully clothed, had moved closer to her friends and away from Spike. “Come on, guys, let’s go. We can talk later, ‘k?” She shot a look at Spike that he truly couldn’t decipher.

“I think we’ll just finish this up here. Whattaya say, Spikey?” Xander advanced on the vampire filled with the courage of knowing he was not likely to be harmed if he did attack. Buffy pulled on his upraised arm and tugged him toward the door and away from Spike.

“Happy to oblige.” Spike advanced slightly, clearly not willing to give ground. “Buffy, you don’t owe this wanker any explanations. He’s not your father or even your brother; he’s nothing.”

“I’m her friend. That’s more than you can claim. My guess is you’re the ‘nothing’ to her,” Xander turned to Buffy, demanding her agreement. “Am I right?”

“Less than nothing,” Buffy tasted the bile in the back of her throat. She had to get out of there before she booted all over. Maybe she could blame all of it on being sick? Her mind was in a panic trying to think of a way out of the mess created by her dirty secret being exposed this way. “Spike and I were…we were….” There really weren’t any words.

“What? Doing a jigsaw puzzle? Knitting cunning sweaters?” Xander’s voice was filled with accusation and disgust. With a withering look, he directed his gaze at Buffy, “You let this evil, soulless thing touch you! Everything that went down with Angel wasn’t enough for you? How many demons are you planning to screw before we all wind up dead?”

“That’s enough, Xander.” Willow had finally re-gathered her dignity and stopped his tirade. She turned to Buffy, “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this. There’s no need for blame.”

“I blame him,” Xander spat as he jabbed his finger towards Spike. “Always hanging around sniffing after Buffy, looking for an opening, a way to manipulate her, exploit her when she’s depressed.”

Buffy seized on that like a lifeline. “I have been depressed and Spike has been there--that’s all that happened. It went too far. I felt grateful and a bit vulnerable. It won’t happen again.” Her voice had an edge of pleading to it.

Spike looked at her incredulously. “Yeah, because it’s never happened before,” he snarked.

Buffy gave him a look that could have staked him all by itself. “Never before and never again. I’m glad you guys came, even if I am embarrassed. I just want to go home. I feel so dirty.” She stared into Spike’s eyes the whole time, daring him to dispute her words. “I’d never, NEVER…Spike was convenient, he was just…there.”

“That can be fixed,” Spike nearly whispered.

“You can’t seriously think I’d have anything real with Spike?” Buffy’s voice had an edge of desperation to it. “A one-time thing ‘cause I was, you know, lonely and depressed. Nothing like a real relationship. I was just feeling low.”

“Yeah, feeling low and reaching around in that low you came up with Spike?” Xander snarked and threw a sneer at the vampire in question. “Makes all kinds of sense in the not-at-all kind of way. Can’t get lower than him, you’ve got that right.”

Spike looked at Buffy, his heart in his eyes, begging her to say something, anything, to indicate she at least had friendly feelings for him. Damn! He’d stuck around when she was dead for Christ’s sake! Took care of the Bit and even kept the doughy wanker now calling him names from becoming demon chow. All Spike could see reflected back was fear--fear and determination. Buffy was never going to admit to caring for him at all. He was not even worthy to be called a friend.

“Come on, Xander, let’s get Buffy home.” Willow put her arm around a silently weeping Slayer. “I think there’s been enough drama for one night.”

Xander narrowed his eyes and made a promise to Spike, “Later. I’d think about not going to sleep if I were you.”

“Oh, I’m so terrified.” Spike rolled his eyes in response. “It’d be worth the headache to put you through the wall, and I will if you come sneaking like a coward to do me in my sleep.”

Spike wasn’t sure how long he stood staring at the open doorway after they left. Now they knew and now he had lost her for good. ‘Not that I ever had her, really.’

With a sense of resignation, Spike squared his shoulders and prepared to evolve once again. To once more be his own man or maybe it was closer to the truth to say that it was time to finally become his own man. He’d pick up the shattered pieces of his heart and find a way to make something of it all. She didn’t want to want him? Fine, she could do without him. He’d learn to live without some crazy woman calling all the shots. After a hundred years with first Dru’s kind of crazy, then Buffy’s, he was finally done with it.

Better 2/2

2009-05-11T14:14:39Z

~~~
After suffering through more angst than the average daily episode of General Hospital coming from the lips of the third troubled teen to grace her office, Buffy was more than ready for a break.

She spared a glance at the Principal’s office and saw Robin bent over paperwork. “Gotta be a demon. He even does his own filing!”

It seemed silly to be thinking of her love life now, given the whole First Evil situation and the house nearly bursting at the seams with enough teen girls to drive Jerry Falwell into the pro-choice camp.

Buffy poured a mug of coffee and added enough sugar to keep up the lease on her dentist’s timeshare. “Leave it to me to finally be ready to move on from Angel and then have a major apocalypse come along to distract me.” She wondered idly if the Powers got their jollies in thwarting her love life and if they got extra points for creative ways of derailing it.

She hadn’t been with anyone but Spike since Riley left her. She had wondered from time to time if there could have been any way to make it work with the studly soldier, but he just could not accept her as she was without feeling inferior. That way had led to badness, much badness, and vampire skanks. “THAT could have been fun,” Buffy shuddered at the thought of the horror averted. “If Riley had been turned, he could have taken us all out before we bought a vowel!” And all because he couldn’t deal with the Slayer.

Spike. Now, Spike had accepted all of her: the hurt, scared little girl and the Slayer who just could not stay dead.

In many ways, Spike would be perfect if it weren’t for that whole vampire, immortally undead part. She remembered the lecture given by the Snake-wannabe Mayor to Angel about the wrongness of that. “You're immortal; she's not. I married my Edna May in ought-three and I was with her right until the end. Not a pretty picture. Wrinkled and senile and cursing me for my youth. Wasn't our happiest time. I mean, come on, what kind of a life can you offer her? I don't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. I see skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun. She's a blossoming young girl and you want to keep her from the life she should have until it has passed her by. My God! I think that's a little selfish.”

Buffy was glad she blew him to pieces.

Her mother had been in full agreement though, finally even convincing Angel that the best possible thing to do was to let Buffy learn to love again…someone human, normal.

“I've been thinking…about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair to you. You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you,” Angel had looked pained knowing it could never be him. He swore that one day she would want what they all said she should have. “Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life.”

“Yeah, that worked out real well,” she snorted and took a sip of her coffee-flavored sugar water. “The things that drove me crazy last year were those wonderful normal things! Hated the Doublemeat job, the bills, the mortgage, the instant mom stuff! The only time I felt alive, felt whole, was in Spike’s arms.”

She had tried to tell them, beginning with Angel, “I'll never have a normal life.” He had agreed that being the Slayer meant anything but the girl next door but added that it meant she was even more in need of a real relationship with a real boy. It didn’t stop him from coming to express disapproval the minute she got one though. No, she had finally come to realize that it was merely a great excuse for Angel to move on.

“I was…what…supposed to join a convent?” Buffy felt her ire rise.

Everyone else got to love whoever they wished! Willow had dated first a werewolf and then sweet Tara. Xander had been annoyingly connected to an ex-demon, nearly marrying her. Even Giles had his flings, including one with her own mother! As for her mom…her one big romance was with a robot. “No one ever asked me my opinion about their choices, and when I tried to give one about Ted, everyone said I was jealous ‘cause he was dating my mom.”

Maybe she and Spike could have made a go of it if she had been in a better place. Too much had gone down though, and she knew that every person in her overcrowded house would be more than ready to voice an opinion if she chose that route again.

“When this is all finished, maybe I should look into convents,” Buffy sighed. “Wonder if you have to be Catholic? I am so going to hate learning Latin.”

~~~

Buffy had seen the look. She didn’t acknowledge it, of course, but she saw it. You couldn’t help but know Spike’s feelings; they played out on his face, in his eyes. That was true even before the soul. He wore his heart on his face for the world to read if they chose.

It had been awkward running into him, especially just outside the bathroom. That was one area that always caused them both to fumble with words and not be able to meet one another’s eyes. Add to that her preparing for a date with another man and no words he could ever spout could cover the hurt that blazed on his face. He had looked sucker-punched.

She hadn’t had to look backwards to know that he had stood there mortally wounded and trying desperately not to let everyone else see it.

Then there was the date. Robin had been a revelation in so many ways. Really, he was a lovely man in every way. Urbane--“yes, I know big words,” Buffy huffed to herself--accomplished, a true gentleman--and not in the ‘my minions wear straightjackets and I collect hearts’ sort of way. He understood slayers; his mother had been one. “Never knew any Slayers had kids! Giles has been holding out on me.”

The food had been heavenly and she was enjoying the evening…and then she had felt those special tinglies. She had to give Spike credit. He hadn’t given any sign that he was dying a bit seeing her with Robin. He had come to get her to go save Xander from the demon du jour. Then he’d nearly been skewered trying to protect her in the battle with the bitch too!

Now she was sitting on the sofa in the quiet dark, having just prevented Spike from leaving. Maybe she was being cruel. Maybe she was destroying what was left of his heart by keeping him there, but she had been honest. She wasn’t ready for him to not be there.

Buffy wondered if she ever would be. Spike had been a part of her life for nearly as many years as Willow and Xander had been. He had been the thorn in her side, the partner AT her side and everything in between.
She was never stronger than when he was at her side, bringing out her best and encouraging her to never hold back with anything. He knew her better than anyone. She had noticed, even back before Angel had left her, that Spike was the one who understood, who saw. He was also the one who always came back.

The thought of him not being a part of her life chilled her. Even after that terrible end to their relationship, when he had gone off on his soul search, she had missed him terribly. She had felt the floor drop from under her when Clem had told her that Spike was gone. Every patrol that summer had ended at his crypt, supposedly to check out the History Channel with Clem, but really to see if Spike had returned.
She was equal parts relieved and horrified when he turned up in the school basement. Once she found him, she couldn’t stay away, just like now with him here in her basement. Any free moment found her moving without thought towards the cellar door and his company. She found a strange peace with Spike that she got nowhere else, with no one else.

She had been frantic when the First took him, terrified that she would be too late and he would be lost forever.

Even Willow noticed it with Buffy’s Freudian slip earlier today. “Why does everyone here think I’m still in love with Spike?” she had asked to Willow’s wide-eyed, silent response. She could almost read Willow’s mind: “Still huh? And when was it that you loved him previously?”

She had. Buffy hadn’t wanted to, but she had loved Spike those months. She had been telling the truth when she told Spike that she “couldn’t” love him…not that she “didn’t.” It was all about deliberate self-denial.

She was still desperately trying to be what everyone wanted of her. They wanted the Slayer they knew from before her death. They wanted their best buddy Buffy to pair up with a nice, normal guy and hang out when not saving the world one demon at a time. They wanted her to pay the bills, care for Dawn, notice their needs, do her duty and she was terrified of letting any of them down. They might leave her. So she could not love Spike, she dared not. That slip earlier spoke volumes though, and part of her was annoyed that Willow didn’t even appear surprised.

“If they guessed, why didn’t they care enough about me and my happiness to let me know they stood by me?” She wasn’t the only bad friend that year.

Spike offering to leave had done one thing: it had made her face up to the fact that he was one essential in her life. The thought of him being gone was not an option. He was in her heart, and likely had been for a long time.

~~~
“Buffy…,” Giles began again after the last of the Potentials filed out for morning training. “I believe you promised to continue our discussion about…Spike…and his presence, unchipped, in this house.”

“Spike is fighting on our side, Giles. He was doing it before the soul and he’ll be even more committed now that he has it.”

“Yes, as to that…Buffy, you have to know that the soul is no guarantee of anything.” Giles rubbed his eyes in weariness. “He could tear through the house and kill most of the girls before we were even alerted to the threat. You forget what a bloodthirsty killing machine William the Bloody is. He’s run tame for too long and you have neglected to remember what you are dealing with in him.”

“I’m not forgetting a thing,” Buffy lowered her voice and glared at her Watcher. “In fact, I remembered things long after they mattered. He was changing all along and not one of us gave him a sliver of credit for it. He was going against his nature every single day.”

“Yes, he was chipped. No doubt jolts of electricity would rearrange Hannibal Lecter’s priorities too.” Giles set his jaw in a determined-to-the-death pose.

“Did Dawn ever tell you about some of the conversations she used to have with Spike?” Buffy quirked an eyebrow, knowing full well her sister hadn’t shared with anyone but her and then only during the summer that Spike was gone.

“I know he told her highly inappropriate stories and you had to continually threaten him to stop it.”

“Yeah, well, they also played a little game too,” Buffy let out a burst of laughter. “They tried to think of all the ways that Spike could still kill us all even with the chip. Dawn said he had a lot of really good ideas too. Everything from fire to hiring minions. The chip never stopped him from killing, only from feeding.”

Giles blanched at the thought. Clearly he had forgotten whom he was dealing with as well.

“Naturally, Dawn had plenty of ideas to add to his.” Buffy shook her head and laughed. They had been luckier than they deserved that Spike was who he was and not like most vampires she had encountered, not like Angelus. Angelus with a chip would have destroyed them all.

“The point is that Spike was trying. He was fighting to change, to grow and it was there for all of us to see if we wanted to.”

“I suggested as much to him once and he threw it in my face,” Giles smugly pointed out.

The look on his face annoyed Buffy for some reason. “Yeah, I remember you telling me. Wasn’t that just after he got the chip?” She saw some of the smugness leave her Watcher’s face. “None of us ever suggested it again, did we? None of us offered to help him find his way. He did pretty good on his own if you ask me.” Buffy was surprised she hadn’t really thought about that too much before now. “In fact, he had to struggle against us all reminding him how evil and worthless he was all the time.”

Giles could see the pride on Buffy’s face. Pride that only shows when you speak of the accomplishments of someone you love. “Buffy, I want better for you. A vampire….”

“Better?” That was new. Not ‘normal’ but ‘better’ this time. At least Giles had never pushed normal on her, not even in the early days when he openly discouraged her relationship with Owen. “You want better for me?”

“Of course, Buffy! I love you like a daughter. You are worthy of only the best life has to offer.” Giles was determined to make her see the unsuitability of the vampire in the basement as any sort of attachment.

“Well, let’s see, Giles,” Buffy began to voice aloud the cataloging going on in her mind. “Spike willingly changed who he was completely for the love of me, and YES, he did love me even before the soul. He took care of Dawn and all of you when I was dead. You can’t say he was doing it for any brownie points from me, because he had no way of knowing I was coming back! Even before that he let Glory torture him nearly to death to protect Dawn and me. He had no way of knowing anyone would find out where he was and rescue him. For all he knew, he was going to be tortured to death there.”

She was on a roll now and no amount of “But, Buffy, surely!” comments would stop her.

“Better? He saved me from dancing to death while all the rest of you just looked on. He didn’t leave when I gave him tons of reasons to. When I was a royal bitch, he let me work out all my issues on him and instead of fighting back, just told me to put it all on him until I nearly killed him and left him to the sunlight.” She saw Giles eyebrows rise in surprise at that last piece of information. “So what does ‘Mr. Not Good Enough’ do? Well, he shows up at my birthday party the next week and helps me kill yet another demon.”

“Buffy, he was obsessed with you. Still is, from the looks of it,” Giles began.

“Not ‘obsessed,’ he loves me. He told me and I would just tell him he was beneath me, that there was no good in him, that he was nothing but a disgusting evil thing and still he loved me. Giles, I called him those things AFTER he had been there for me, tried to help me adjust. He’d been nothing but kind to me and after I started the kissage, he only asked for a simple conversation about what I wanted from him. Do you know the answer I gave, Giles?”

He shook his head, having a pretty good idea what the response might have been.

“I usually let my fists answer.”

Giles figured it was time to play the trump card. “Buffy, I haven’t brought it up, but I do know why Spike left to get his soul, what he did to you.”

“Stop right there. That is something that is only between Spike and me. It’s way too complicated to put into a couple of words and there’s enough responsibility to go around several times. No one but Spike and I know what happened or why--and it’s no one’s business.”

Giles looked indignant. “Buffy, it isn’t unusual for the victim…”

“I’m nobody’s victim, Giles. Not just because I’m the Slayer either. That subject is closed.” Buffy’s look brooked no argument. “Yes, he hurt me and because we had all driven home the idea that having a soul meant being and doing good, he went to get one so he’d never hurt me again. How many evil demons do you know that might even THINK to do that?”

Giles sputtered unintelligibly.

“Look, even now he’s got my back. He suffered worse torture from the First than Glory ever planned to do to him. Spike knows he’s a major target and instead of hitting the road and looking for safety or changing sides again, he’s here helping me train the girls, offering to face the monster that nearly destroyed him just months ago!”

She looked with affection at Giles, knowing his love for her went beyond that of a Watcher. “You once warned me that if I revealed my identity as the Slayer I would put a normal human in grave danger. You were right. So what about a guy like Riley or Robin? Riley left and he never really had my heart, and I could never just be me with him. Robin? Not really interested. Spike KNOWS me and loves me as I am…with no conditions or restrictions. I can be myself with him, all my selves.” She laughed at the idea that she had so many sides and he loved them all, even the ugly ones.

“So tell me, Giles, who would be better? Who could love me better than he has and does? He loved Dru for a century. If that’s not loyalty and commitment, I don’t know what is.”

“If you are settling for Spike because he won’t leave you,” Giles offered, “You have to know that not everyone leaves.”

“Angel left…they all left. Spike came back.”

Giles grasped at a last straw. “Angel,” he exclaimed, “You said you’d never love again like you loved Angel. You said that not all that long ago either.” He looked triumphant, sure he had finally come up with a winning argument.

“Yes, I loved Angel. Of course I’ll never love that way again. Too much has happened for me to ever love that way again, all fresh and pure, that first time love. I’ll never be that open and heart whole again. There’ve been too many goodbyes, mistakes like Parker and Riley, to ever have that ‘head in the clouds/rose-colored glasses’ love again. Maybe that just means I’ve grown up. Do you still love your first love the same way? Do you even remember who she was? And if you saw her again, would she be the way you remembered her?

Giles shot her a blank look. She idly wondered if he COULD remember.

“When I saw Angel after my resurrection, we mostly sat in uncomfortable silence. Lots of hugs and ‘Can’t believe you’re back’ and then he talked about some monastery with demons and about Cordy and some guy named Fred. It was like we ran out of things to say. Just silence ‘til he said he had to head back to beat the sunlight. I watched him leave and didn’t feel a thing. I thought it was part of the general ‘not feeling stuff,’ but I know now that it was just that I’d, you know, grown up…moved on.”

“Moved on to Spike.” Giles sounded nearly resigned.

“Spike knows I’m stronger than him and it makes him proud; makes him love me more, not less. He knows Buffy the girl too and takes care of her, not coddling. He’s tender with the girl side of me and he challenges the Slayer. He continues to love and help me no matter what gets tossed his way.”

Giles sighed in defeat. Seems having this little talk had only clarified Buffy’s feelings, rather than giving her pause for thought.

“I’m going to have to save the world again and who is at my side? Angel? Nope. He’s been a no-show since graduation. Not showing up for our annual apocalypses, even though they always fall around the same time each year. Who has been there? Spike. This is not for first time either. This is the third time he’s helped with world savage, first time with a soul though. As for saving ME…I can’t count the number.”

Buffy scooted the stool away from the counter, her face brightening as if a great mystery had finally been solved. “You know what? I need to say this to him, not you. Thanks, Giles.”

As her hand grasped the cellar door handle, she turned to her Watcher and shot him a large smile, the first he’d seen from her in ages, “You want better for me? That’s what I’m going to go get, go do. Make it better.” And with that, Giles watched as his Slayer headed down to her Vampire.

~fin

Better 1/2

2009-05-11T14:07:01Z

And now another short fic that was NOT posted on seasonal_spuffy.

Title: Better
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: Fiction
Rating: PG
Summary: Buffy has an epiphany while arguing with Giles over Spike. Will her date with Robin Wood further muddle things between the Slayer and her insecure vampire? Will her words undo the damage already done? Can a bit of honesty change their path?
Setting: S7 Beginning of “First Date” and AU from there
A/N: Some bits of dialogue taken from “First Date”, written by Jane Espenson; “Potential”, written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner; “Choices”, by David Fury; and “The Prom”, written by Marti Noxon.
Much thanks, as always, to my fabulous Beta and perfect little sister Scarlett2U (Mary). Without her wise advice, diligent care in the grammar and punctuation corrections my stories would suffer terribly! Thank you sweetie, you are the best!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me and are being used for amusement purposes only. All rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the original writers of the episodes, books and other licensed products connected to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, particularly Twentieth Century Fox, WB, CW, and UPN, all rights reserved.

~*~

Buffy knew this was coming. Actually, she was a bit surprised that Giles had let her get a full night’s sleep before bringing up the elephant in the room…or basement, as it were.

The timing was pretty good, all things considered. She was getting ready for work and running a bit late as usual. Less time for lectures and questions that she had no answers for--none that she wanted to share at any rate.

She slipped a large gold hoop in her ear, adjusted her red sweater and waited for Giles to say the inevitable.

“You know this is very dangerous.”

Yes! There it was! The elephant trumpeted its presence.

Not willing to make it any easier for her Watcher, Buffy chose to play stupid. She was good at that act, having hidden her real intellect successfully for years. She had saved herself from numerous research duties that way. “You hear the horror stories: wear hoops and they’ll catch on something and rip your lobes off.”

Giles rolled his eyes at her evident denseness. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

Buffy sighed and dove right in. “You mean Spike not having the chip? Free range Spike?”

Giles bit his lip and tried to keep it civil. No point in turning this into an argument from the start. “I have to ask…why on Earth did you make that particular decision?”

“I guess it was instinct, like you were talking about when the Bringer nearly took off your head,” Buffy countered.

Giles had the grace to look a bit sheepish. “I made that up. I knew the Bringer was there because his shoes squeaked.” He pointedly ignored the incredulous look Buffy gave him. Too many years of dealing with Giles and head trauma had made the lie too apparent to even point out.

Giles leaned against her vanity as Buffy continued to prepare for another day of teen angst and boredom. “Buffy, it’s crucial that we keep these girls safe! I cannot count the dangers. There’s the First, the Bringers, random demons and now…Spike?”

“Don’t forget the principal,” Buffy hinted.

That managed to sidetrack Giles for a moment. “What? Is he a demon or, worse, another Snyder?”

“Don’t really know yet. He was in the school basement holding a shovel and acting evasive. He’s also got the whole Rico Suave thing going on. I’m looking into it,” Buffy promised.

“Oh, well, that sounds very responsible of you,” Giles huffed, not to be swayed from the point of this entire confrontation by a principal-shaped red herring. “Balances out the whole vampire-on-the-loose issue.”

“Sarcasm isn’t really a pretty look on you.” Buffy moved some of her laundry and tried to remind Giles of the facts. “Nothing’s changed, Giles. Spike had a chip before when the First had him killing again. Besides, he has his soul now. That’s going to stop him from hurting people.”

“People with souls hurt people every day.”

“I’m really aware of that, believe me. I was here. You weren’t,” Buffy snapped. “I dealt with the tragic trio. I saw Willow and Xander and--,” She bit back the “me” that had nearly spilled out. She swallowed, closed her eyes and decided on a delay tactic. “Look, I’m late for work already. If Wood is a demon, the last thing I want is to miss prime snooping time discussing this with you. The chip is gone. Spike is on the team. End of discussion.”

“No,” Giles said decisively. “Not the end. We will discuss this later. We will discuss it until you give me a good reason why I shouldn’t just go downstairs and end the danger at the point of a stake myself.”

Buffy stopped in her tracks, her blood running cold and face paling to near vampiric lightness as her grip on the door jamb nearly warped the wood. “Don’t even think about it, Giles. I mean it. Spike had better be all in one piece when I get home and I don’t mean in the Hoover.” She turned and glared at the man who had been a father to her in all but name. “Okay, you win. We’ll talk about it, but later, when I have time. I mean it, Giles: leave Spike alone.”

~*~

Buffy’s heart was still racing. She had nearly been caught with her hand in Principal Wood’s cookie jar…or weapon cabinet, as it were. To Buffy, a good collection of weapons was like cookies! Yum, cookies! Buffy’s tummy rumbled. She was really beginning to regret missing her breakfast when it slowly dawned on her that a seemingly bemused Robin Wood was talking about a another sort of meal altogether.

“Well, then, I'd, um…I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job.” The principal laughed lightly, then sobered as he remembered his in-service training on sexual harassment. “You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.”

Buffy smiled in relief. The great spy caper seemed to have gone unnoticed by the mysterious man who now signed her paychecks. “Sure, I'd be happy to have dinner with you.”

It was the truth too. The idea of a peaceful meal consisting of something more than mac ‘n cheese or pizza had an appeal of its own and the company couldn’t help but be interesting at the very least.

Wood was a young, hot, intelligent man with earrings and attitude. If Buffy weren’t so focused on her battle against the First Evil, she might even be tempted to see where a relationship might lead. She thought about the man and this date as she waited for the next student with the crisis of the day.

She leaned back in her chair and let her mind wander. Buffy had a feeling that accepting a date from her drool-worthy, upstanding, heartbeat-positive boss would cause a near celebration among her friends when they found out. She wasn’t ignorant of the whispered conversations and concerned looks that passed between Willow and Xander, especially after she brought Spike into the house with them all.

Xander had been hinting for months that Buffy needed to “get out there and back on the dating horse.” Even with all the recent evil brewing, he would still nudge her and motion when a nice-looking guy (always in full sunshine, she had noticed) came into view. Buffy wanted to tell Xan to just date one of them himself, the way he noticed and talked up their various charms.

No way was she going to let either of her friends pick out another date for her. Willow had been the one to really push Riley at her back in that first year in college. Look how well that turned out! As for the boy Xander dragged to her birthday party last year…well, the less said about Ronnie or Richie or Robbie--whatever his name was--the better. They all just wanted her to have a nice normal life.

Normal! Buffy thought back to that horrible time when the ‘Council of Old Men Who Think They’re All That’, may they rest in peace, had Giles drug the Slayer right out of her. She had hated that! ‘Never felt so helpless, so useless.’ Normal had meant just that--nothing special, nothing powerful, nothing.

Her mom always hoped that Buffy could have the sort of life she had wanted for herself. After college, Buffy would have a nice career, meet a nice boy with a good future and settle down with a cute bungalow, two point five kids and a Cocker Spaniel. ‘Wonder what that point five kid means?’ Buffy mused. ‘How do you have half a kid?’ Besides, the ‘nice boy’ would just grow up to be a secretary-chasing, deadbeat father who would bail when it got tough.

Joyce had never fully understood the life Buffy had been chosen to lead. That last year with Glory and a new, shiny, mystical daughter from out of nowhere, however, had brought some sense of it to her. Joyce had begun to see that Buffy would never have that TV sit-com life that was as abnormal in the real world as the one she was living as the Slayer.

Joyce had liked Riley well enough, but she hadn’t really seemed to want to spend that much time getting to know him. It was as if she’d known deep down that the clean cut soldier wasn’t the long haul guy for her eldest.

Not that Riley had exactly been ‘Joe Normal’ either. He had been a chemically enhanced, chip-equipped, super-secret demon hunter working for a real-life Dr. Frankenstein and the Josef Mengele league. Even now he was out there somewhere playing with high tech weapons and chasing down ooglie googlies. Looking all James Bond and married to Mary Sue Bond, who’d probably start popping out perfect little baby Bonds any time now.

No, Riley hadn’t been the normal guy either and yet he was as close as she had come to finding one that could at least understand her world and survive in it. Owen had proved how dangerous it was to drag a regular guy into her nightly ventures and Xander had come close to disaster more times than Buffy wanted to remember over the years. Even Giles, with all his training, had a bad habit of getting knocked unconscious on a regular basis.

Now she was going to dinner with Robin Wood. She wondered if he was going to turn out to be a demon or worse. His hidden case of nifty knives hinted that he wasn’t your run-of-the-mill educator. She sighed. “Not like I’m really interested anyway. Wrong time, wrong guy.”

“Um…,” a strange voice interrupted her thinking and caused her to nearly tip the chair over as she straightened up. “I’m pretty sure this IS my time. Gee, I thought you counselors were supposed to at least pretend you’re interested,” The pimply faced Keanu Reeves wannabe pouted.

Songs From The Cellar 3/3 (and epilogue)

2009-05-11T14:01:29Z

~*~
Chapter 3
~*~

He thought of what he had been, first as William and then as the Slayer of Slayers. Even before the soul, she had forever changed him. He was more than he was supposed to be able to be, more than he had ever imagined. Through her, he had learned to care for those he once thought of as nothing more than food, prey. Through her, he finally had the ways and means to be a creator of beauty as he had once aspired to be. He had choices unimagined before she graced his life.

He had never stopped valuing love, but she had finally helped him define it. The demon had been tamed along with the remnants of the man. Thanks to Buffy, he was as close to alive as he had ever been and actually had begun to be his own man.

He’d not offer his love again, but he would damn sure offer his life. He was hers to command, always had been, but now he expected no return. She was his liege Lady, his Guinevere, and he her faithful Lancelot, an unworthy vassal born to see to her need, her comfort, her safety. He owed his very self to her and the debt would be paid.

X. My Debt

Love waked by your kindness. Your inner light
made me a man again because of you.
Yours: not the man alone, but the beast too.
Unmerited mercy earned you this knight.
Once I held you in my arms, my delight
was falsely felt. Your heart intact, I knew.
I thought to make you feel the love was true.
Now know I well my sins, my soul contrite
within. I seek no love from one so pure,
One I did defile. Now you have my pledge
Of loyalty, my life is solely yours.
I’ll be your paladin, you can be sure.
I follow where you lead. Hell’s very edge
will not deter me. All I have is yours.

He closed the notebook and thought about all that Buffy inspired in him. She had led him without much protest into the light. Her fight had become his, just as his very desire to exist was tied up with her survival. Until Buffy Summers, he had only glimpsed love through a glass darkly. He had never plumbed the depths of his own passions, his willingness to give all for another. He thought of the words he had just composed and knew he was still a bloody awful poet. Buffy would likely cringe if she ever read his pitiful attempt to immortalize her and what she had made of him with ink and pulp this way.

He opened the notebook again and added a postscript to his work.

"My very dearest Buffy, I wrote this pathetic jumble of words while listening to the music of your voice, your occasional laughter, deepest sighs, and even the sounds of your gentle breathing while asleep. You are the orchestra and I vainly tried to play lyricist. I learned a century ago that I was no Byron or Wordsworth and to do justice to you, my shining star, that sort of talent is required and no less. If you ever have cause to read these words, please know that the feeling behind the words could not be put into adequate expression with the human tongue or demon either. You made a man of me. You gave me true life. One day I may be called to give that life for you and I will do so willingly.

I expect nothing from you, precious one. I am not fit to speak your name! You have looked down and given notice to one far beneath you and I am ever grateful for that. I love you for all that you are, all you do. You have gifted me with the chance to serve you after I committed the worst sin upon your person that any man can a woman, much less a woman he adored. You have taken me into your home, if not your heart, and given me the benediction of your forgiveness. I would never have dared ask for half of that.

Now, in case you DO read this sad tribute one day, I should give you something well written at least. I called this “Songs from the Cellar,” an echo of Elizabeth Barrett-Browning’s “Sonnets from the Portuguese” and no other I have ever read encapsulates my emotions towards you better than the last part of that famed poem and so I leave you with that."

Printing in neat letters words older than himself,

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.”

Spike’s pen shook as he made a notation in script, “And that soul resides in me because of you alone. I doubt even one immortal as I will live long enough to count the many reasons though.”

”I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.”

Spike smiled and noted, “You are my sun in the darkness, my peace in the turmoil of my soul’s endless screaming.” He continued returning to the block print letters,

”I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise,
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.”

“Only you,” Spike chuckled as he penned, “I’ve never known the heights and depths of love ‘til you Buffy. You are my true religion.”

”I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost Saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life…”

The poet within his breast protested his breaking into the good lady’s sonnet but he had to--truth demanded it. He put his notation in the elegant script his tutors had beaten into existence. “My life has been long in years, but only truly began with you. When I was a man, I only knew reality as a dreamer knows it. As a demon, I knew nothing but blood and taking what I wanted. I lost all that I was and had nothing to fill the void until you. I know I haven’t loved you nearly as well as I should have, too selfish by far. Got distracted by what I wanted and hurt the only one I never wished to hurt. I lost all that made me more than that monster within and only through you found myself again…my true self. A self that might be better worthy of your regard one day should I live long enough. But know this, Buffy, should this battle not turn out well for me,” He finished the Sonnet in a bold hand, his resolve complete,

”and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.”

He closed the notebook, at last content that he had said all he could to put his feelings out there properly. Likely she would not see them, but he felt better knowing he had created the beauty he had long desired to, to the best of his meager ability. There was a battle coming soon, an enemy he knew well might take them all down this time. Time was growing short and Buffy didn’t need the distractions of a lovesick vampire or all the baggage they carried between them. Still, he felt a sense of relief that the words had been formed at long last, even if she who inspired them never laid eyes on them.

~*~
Epilogue
~*~

The school bus rattled its way towards Los Angeles and the medical facilities available there. Some of the new slayers were in need of at least an overnight stay and Robin Wood looked like he could use Intensive Care.

Buffy stared out the window as they traveled, not paying much attention to the conversations going on in hushed tones around her. Dawn watched with worry, knowing that her sister was most quiet when she was bottling up too much emotionally. She suspected that Buffy’s seemingly casual reaction to the battle and their losses covered a deep well of sadness. Sooner or later Buffy would have to talk to someone, and Dawn hoped it would at last be her.

“Hey, hand me my backpack, will you?” Dawn asked a tired but upright Rona.

She was rifling through the items she had packed in haste before leaving for the school, looking for her Discman and earphones, when her hand brushed against something she didn’t recognize. “Huh? What the frilly heck is this?” She pulled out the lined notebook with her mother’s printing emblazoned on the front cover with “Must do’s and really should’s”. “Wonder if Buffy slipped this in to remember Mom by. Personally, I’d have picked a few more pictures,” she mused as she opened the notebook and started to read.

She only got as far as the first stanza when she quickly closed the book and nudged her sister. “Um, Buffy…,” she hesitated. “I don’t know if now’s the right time or even if there is a right time, but I think this is for you.” She handed the notebook to Buffy. She discreetly placed a box of tissues next to her numb sister and smiled gently before moving away to give her the privacy she knew Buffy was going to need.

~fin

Thank you for reading and excusing my lack of poetic skill. I am ever glad that William has a reputation for bad poetry because then much may be forgiven.

Kathleen

Songs From The Cellar 2/3 (and epilogue)

2009-05-11T14:00:12Z

~*~
Chapter 2
~*~

Patrol had been smooth, Buffy having joined after the girls had managed to kill a fledgling. She had looked at Spike and rolled her eyes as if sharing a private joke at the girls’ expense. It had taken four of them to kill one scrawny, elderly fledge, but they were whooping as if they had killed a cougar with their bare hands.

Kennedy had pouted the remainder of the time they combed the streets and alleys of Sunnydale.
“Bint can’t even give over control to THE Slayer!” Spike fumed at the time. “Creature like me can’t expect respect, but Buffy’s owed it.” He decided that a long talk with Giles was in order before the silly chit got herself and everyone else killed before they even faced a real Big Bad.

Seeing Buffy as she quipped and danced her way through her duties never got old to him. She was in her element and Spike fell in love all over again with each twirl, each flip and each clever move.

God, how he still wanted her! Even knowing how undeserving he was, the burn never went away. At times he felt he would dust from it.

She was all he had ever desired in one lovely package. Even when she had been a right bitch to him he craved her notice. Anything would do, even a punch to the nose. “Just like a toddler, willin’ to do anything to have her attention.”

All the long walk home, he tuned out the children and, eyes on Buffy as always, let his mind go back to that time after he knew his heart and had yet to learn how unworthy he was to even think of reaching for her. He turned each memory over in his mind and remembered perfectly how he had felt, even with the soul now telling him his sins. He would try to capture those thoughts when he got back to his cot, succumbing to the lure of the notebook in lieu of elusive sleep.

~~~

Spike had never felt the depth of emotion Buffy drew from him. The passion was intense enough to make him burn to ash more than once. She could be a right bitch and he had told her as much. Still, be it anger or desire or any of the vast numbers of emotions she enflamed in him, she made him feel more alive than he ever had in his existence.

“She never knew how the words hurt,” he remembered. “Even now.” His mind flinched as her most recent slight had pierced his heart. While taking out a group of baby slayers, Buffy lectured them, spewing all the same old dogma that the Council of Wankers had cooked up over the centuries.

One minute she was confusing him by showing concern, even with the girlies there to witness and comment, and the next she was putting him right back in his place.

“A vampire is an animal. Sometimes they run in packs, sometimes alone. The animal inside is always the same,” she had told the girls, then looked at him with what seemed to be an apology.

It had still hurt though, being called an animal. No wonder none of the white hats had seen anything wrong with the labs of the Initiative; demons were animals and animals always were the experimental subjects of choice.

None of them ever saw how their words wounded. “Nothin’ worse than an over-sensitive vamp,” Spike snorted in self-derision. Then again, William had been that way as well. He had so wanted them--her--to see him, to really see him and not just the fangs. He had wanted them all to notice how he had tried, but mostly he had wanted her to see it, see beyond his lack of a soul.

He might have had a chance too, if Angel hadn’t done his damage. It hadn’t been so much the horrors of Angelus that had done it. No, she had been ready to forgive that, chalk it up to some separate creature and never lay a crime at Angel’s door. It had been his leaving the way he did. Just one more person walking away with no backward look of regret. Didn’t help that so many others before and after had done the same.
Buffy had said she could never love him because she could never trust him, there in the room of his greatest shame. She had trusted him though…with everything but her heart.

V. My Desire

Your words, they flay and cut me to the bone!
O that said tongue would, like rapier sharpen,
Remove the veil ‘twixt us, to me hearken,
Free at last, seeing us to heaven flown.
Angel, in name alone, has left you prone
to fear. You run from love, mistrusts deepen.
The girl before had a heart wide open.
Would that I could soften your heart of stone.
I’d show you love if you would let me in.
I’d not leave, mold you like a piece of clay,
Or place you on a stand. Want you free to
spread your wings. At my side, be my sweet sin,
partner, love, completion, if you’d but say
the word. I’d take a crumb and make it do.

He wasn’t anything like Angelus or Angel, never had been. For some reason, when he was yet soulless, he never had his sins written off as Angelus had, blamed on that lack of a spark. No, he had been judged on human terms and rejected when he was determined to be a vampire after all.

All he had ever wanted to do was to love her, to cherish her, to watch her grow. “Okay, wanted the bint to love me too,” Spike admitted to himself. “Really convinced myself I could be good for her, not mess up,” he sighed sadly.

He thought over their long history, his and Buffy’s. He had made a lot of progress. He had channeled his instincts in a direction she might have been proud of…had she noticed. He had tried to suss out how to act, what to choose based on a mantra--“What would Buffy want?”--to no avail. Often it was just too hard to figure it out.

“Never understood how disgustin’ my past had to be to her.” Spike bit his upper lip. “Not ‘til the soul showed it all to me in livin’ color.” He had known how submitting to their passion had made her sick, made her hate him even more. He had seen the evidence of the multiple scrubbings she had given her soft skin after they had lain together in sweaty and often torn sheets.

He hadn’t understood why though, not then. No, he had expected her to notice how he tried, to care that he was remaking himself all for the love of her.

She had revived the man but not given him direction; Buffy didn’t seem to know or care that he needed that from her.

“Maybe if she hadn’t died, if she had seen…,” he mused. “She might have helped me the rest of the way.” He shook his head in despair.

VI. Unmade

Forgot fools dance to music of the heart.
Now her dance alone does rule my being.
Dancing to her tune is oddly freeing.
Alone, confused, for death was once my art,
Reborn by love, now demands a new start.
Sweet grace! My maker, love, began seeing;
then claimed by death before acknowledging
changes made, left behind a broken heart.
Before, the beast lent life to what was dead
She had slain that beast, pulling forth the man.
Now she was gone but left her guiding light.
Could have gone, left that night, but chose instead
to stay, do what I said, and never ran.
Though hated, did not give up the good fight.

He took a certain amount of pride over his actions that summer. He had kept his word as well as her friends had allowed. He had tended to Dawn, patrolled, made sure all her charges and duties were taken care of the way she would have wanted.

Spike had really come to think that he was one of them until Buffy was back and he was once more consigned to the role of unwanted evil thing.

“Was worth it, just havin’ her back,” he admitted. “Hated losin’ the closeness with the Bit, but can’t say it mattered ‘bout the rest.”

“Really thought I had a chance with her.” He remembered the pain and frustration they both experienced during those months of passion and shame. “Thought somehow I’d earned that crumb I’d begged for, that she’d see what a good boy I’d been while she was…gone.” He still couldn’t use the word ‘dead’ about that long dreadful summer.

“Figured all she had to do was just let herself love me and she’d want to be alive again.” He sniffed back a tear. “Couldn’t see how it was killin’ her to be wantin’ the touch of a creature like me. How it made her feel as dirty and wrong as I was.”

It took the soul for him to get it, to understand that it would never be enough--the trying, the following her lead. Until HE knew how wrong he was, the wrong he had done, he was beneath her. She could tell him but he could never fully get it. Wrong had to be wrong for itself, not because it offended the object of his love.

She had made a new thing of him, but he was still a thing nonetheless. “Girl like Buffy deserves more than some evil thing with a trail of blood behind him.”

No way to undo a century of murder and mayhem. No possible reprieve for the judgment his due. To fall in love with the one ordained to pronounce sentence and perform execution had been madness, but a brilliant madness nonetheless.

He’d been a moth to her flame from the first moment he saw her. She had been and would ever be his destiny. “Not sure what that destiny might be,” he huffed. “Like as not to be true dust under her feet.” He’d faced other Slayers and not felt the draw that he did with Buffy. With them it was the challenge, the battle of equals and the pride of being the one to walk away.

With Buffy there was always some vague, unnamed reason not to kill the girl. Always some unknown reason why another day would be better for his third warrior taken in battle. It had driven Dru into a rage.
He sighed. “Think I loved her in part from the beginning. Knew it was my moment, my destiny; nothin’ would ever be quite the same.” He didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry at that realization. “Fate is a miserable fucker.”

Dru had been right; he had not been the same from the time he first challenged his Buffy. She had begun to unravel him from the first, without either of them realizing it. As he came apart, she was knitting him into something new, foreign, and Dru could see the process from the start. Saw where it led too, to that spark, the fire within that would one day surely consume him in its angry flame.

VII. Remade

Behold Terpsichore lays snare unknown;
The smitten beast falls in. Begins the dance,
Love wakes, quells the monster with but a glance.
The sun he saw, her inner beauty shone.
My one sure thing in this world on my own
was loving her. By my hand, lost my chance.
Not wanting me, she stopped my cruel advance;
I to Dark Continent, sin to atone.
Fight to claim what’s mine or dust. Much to Hades’
Surprise, both man and beast agreed to face
trials, then my battles won, didst win my soul.
Intent to win, ne’er counted on the shades
that torment, punish, ‘til her timely grace
gave sweet relief and helped to make me whole.

The soul. His proudest moment snatched from the ashes of his greatest shame. No other of his kind had ever thought, ever dared, to even desire it. The soul quest was to kill the beast he was in one way or another. He would die trying to wrest his spark from the ether or have himself so changed by its return as to be a different being. That was the model shown by Angelus, at any rate. “Naturally, the bugger had to make it seem like Angelus just left the building when he was the Great Souled One! Thought old Spike was gone any way the battle played out.”

He had done the one thing he truly had never believed himself capable of doing. He had hurt Buffy. For that, something drastic had been required. It could never be allowed to happen again. This had seemed the only answer. Hadn’t everyone always been reminding him that his lack, his unworthiness could be summed up in that one word: soulless?

“Thought if I could get the soul I’d never hurt her again. Thought she’d see that I was worthy of her love, a real partner for her.” Spike closed his eyes at the pain his naïve conclusion had encompassed. “Planned to show her that I’d not leave like all the other bloody ponces before, that I could be all she needed.”

He shuddered as he remembered how it really felt to have that spark back, it and all the ghosts attached to it. Every sin, every evil, was exposed and shown in stark relief against the gleaming goodness that was Buffy.

“Then I understood.” Spike closed his eyes in memory. “Knew full well how loathsome I’d been. No scrubbin’ the blood from my hands. Thought to stay far away from her, from Sunnyhell. Knew the last thing she’d want would be to see me again after….”

The promise. The thrice damned promise to watch over Dawn had drawn him back. He’d had just enough sanity left to figure a plan he’d thought would work to allow him to keep his promise yet spare Buffy from ever seeing him again.

“Had to rebuild the school over the bloody Hellmouth!” Spike shook his head in amazement at the utter stupidity of the humans in charge of that plan.

It had seemed a simple idea--be there where Dawn went to school, keep tabs on her without anyone knowing, keep the promise. He hadn’t planned on the First getting its claws in him or the power of the Hellmouth to take what was left of his wits and grind them like wheat.

For untold months before he opened the door and saw his bright angel there in that basement, he had chased rats and conversed with ghosts. Over the previous century, he had killed countless people, often without noting a thing about them. Over those months since, he became intimately acquainted with each and every one. He knew their names, who they had left behind, the hopes they had before meeting him, their dreams drained from them along with their blood. He knew each and every life he had destroyed. He met the monster.

VIII. Beneath You

Far gone in vice, a past no human knows.
Beneath your feet, to love you I did dare.
Sought to trap you but fell into the snare.
Unworthy, I struck a confident pose.
The one-time tender man she doth expose.
I was the ravening beast, meant to rend, tear,
Once yearning only for blood without care.
‘Neath her taming hand, now find soft repose.
Forgiveness given, new won soul doth sigh.
With such grace what matter be I lonely?
Indeed to be what she needs is not hard;
it is the least one like me can do. I
would gladly become dust, no more, only
to lie ‘neath the sunrise of your regard.

“She should have staked me there in that minute.” Spike would never understand the workings of Buffy’s mind. He had nearly raped her, was guilty of every imaginable horror and many no one could imagine, and yet she had been moved to pity at his state there in that basement.

She had taken him to Xander for shelter and a chance to reclaim some of his sanity. “That had to be a heated conversation,” Spike snorted. Still, the young man had let him move in at her urging.

Even after it was obvious that he was killing again, had tried to kill HER again in yet another basement, she had ignored his resignation, his yearning for the stake and had bundled him up and taken him into her home to this basement, his final cellar.

She had never said the word “forgive,” but her every action since his return had shown that his betrayal, his attack, had been consigned to the past. She believed in him! She had come for him.

IX. My Shame

To win your heart, celestial one, I’d be
anything you command, whatever you
require. I’d be remade, a creature new.
I’ve pulled myself inside out; you don’t see
The changes there in the man you set free.
Fathoms away the monster you once knew
Tamed, remade, in the fires of love that’s true,
all for a single bit of care from thee.
Know it well I lost the chance, have no right
You said “no” but my wounded heart shouted
O’er. No excuse have I, I should have seen
Your tear streaked face, emblems of your sad plight.
‘Twould never hurt you; I never doubted
so wrong. No penance dire could wash me white.

She might have forgiven, but he never would. In all of Spike’s existence, he had never believed himself capable of truly hurting anyone he loved. He had loved Buffy too, even before the soul. It might have been imperfect, selfish, but it had been real. She had deserved better from him.

No torture devised by the First in that horrible cave would come close to what he deserved for having betrayed her trust. Every kind touch or gentle word from her was like salt in an open wound to him. He would never be worthy of her forgiveness and any hope of winning her love was ludicrous.

“Doin’ it again, you pitiful sod,” Spike chided himself. “Makin’ it all about you and what you want. Buffy’s already given me more than any monster like me could hope to imagine.” He thought of his long journey to this point in his life, the changes, the challenges. Buffy had altered him far more than Dru’s bite had in that long ago alley. Where Dru had made him a monster, Buffy had made him a man.

Songs From The Cellar 1/3 (and epilogue)

2009-05-11T13:57:09Z

Title: Songs From The Cellar
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: Fiction
Rating: G
Summary: Spike has more than a bit of time on his hands there in Buffy’s basement and more poetry in his newly restored soul than poor William ever imagined. Idle minds lead to musings and idle hands can lead to bad poetry.
Setting: S7 Begins between Storyteller and Lies my Parents Told Me
A/N: The conclusions drawn by Spike in this short tale belong solely to him and his tortured soul and are not necessarily shared in whole with the author.
Sonnets are Italian rhyming scheme (ABBA ABBA CDE CDE) a la Barrett-Browning(with far less talent).
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me and are being used for amusement purposes only. All rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the original writers of the episodes, books and other licensed products connected to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel particularly Twentieth Century Fox, WB, CW, and UPN, all rights reserved. Bits of dialogue from “Potential” by Rebecca Rand Kirsher

~*~
Chapter 1
~*~

She was up there, unaware as ever. The chatter and giggles coming from the pox of teenaged girls couldn’t overpower the soft tones of her voice. The many and varied scents from said invasion couldn’t disguise her unique blend of power and all woman. He was aware of her every move, every word, each sigh.
She had been his once.

No, she had not--not really. Yet it seemed that, in his entire century and a half of life and unlife, there had never been anyone that more defined him.

True, women had always been the mirror he best used in fixing his self-image.

First his sainted mother had encouraged the poor sod he had been to write drivel and pursue women above his station. She had adored him so.

He laughed as he remembered the first poem he had ever written. His careful penmanship--the pride of his tutor--neatly blotted and the page decorated with fanciful bunches of violets--her favorite. He had been all of six and eager for his mother’s soft smile and gentle approval. “Not quite a prodigy like Mozart.” He shook his head, remembering the hard worked lines:

“Mothers are our best friend.
They love us even when to bed they send
naughty boys who love them still
and promise to listen to their will.”

Anne had tried hard to keep her lips from twitching, hiding her mirth as she nodded over the hard cardstock with the rhymed apology for youthful disobedience. He had been rewarded with an extra slice of Cook’s special Banbury cake at teatime, all offenses forgotten without a word exchanged.

Spike had been touched to find the card amongst his mothers ‘treasures’ when he gleaned the house after her death for anything useful in his new life. It now rested in a box of his own ‘treasures’ at his old crypt, he supposed, along with various odds and ends of his short mortal life, whatever had survived the soldier boy’s explosive exit from their lives.

Spike idly wondered why memories of his beloved mother led to darkness and closed doors in his mind, given her status as the only female to ever willingly give her heart to him wholly.

He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and tried to stave off the impending headache her memory always brought in its wake of late. “Part of the incessant guilt,” he surmised.

Cecily had been his idealized love. All porcelain and lace she was! Every man in the room noted her comings and goings and pathetic William had not been immune. Reams of worthless words had been dedicated to her supposed charms, her imagined perfections. The girl had ice in her chest rather than a warm, womanly heart and she revealed the truth of that to him that last disastrous day of his existence in human incarnation.

“No wonder I could only write shite in her honor. Must’ve known the bitch wasn’t worth a soddin’ limerick.” Even last year’s discovery that the object of his frustrated avowals of adoration had been a demon in reality as well as behavior hadn’t softened the memory of her cruelty and casual dismissal of his love.

“Effulgent!” No wonder Dru had been drawn to him. “Crazy as Dru ever was, me thinking that cold piece was effulgent or even gleaming! Waste of a good word on that one.” Dru must have seen the madness within his soul, the deep insanity driven by the need for love that called into the darkness and drew his Wicked Plum to his side.

That led to so many memories of his dark princess, crimson-bathed memories of horrific acts and wild passion that flayed his soul now, rather than leading to sweet nostalgia. No pleasure trips down memory lane to give a moment of comfort since his hard earned soul took up residence again.

There had been a time she was his all. He dedicated his existence to pleasing her, never seeming to learn that, short of becoming her sire, he would always fall short.

She was the one he had expected to love for eternity. She had made him, after all. The young romantic William had seen that as a sign that his destiny was at her side and he had been loyal to a fault. Years of madness accompanied by rampage and terror all mixed with healthy pinches of yearning for her precious lost “daddy” had not driven home the point that her making of him had been as casual and callous as Cecily’s dismissal before her. No, it took the return of said “daddy” to finally prove that his sloe-eyed darling was not, and never would be, his.

“Dru, Dru, Dru,” Spike lamented, “Wasted another century followin’ you from one start to another. Wherever the fairies or flowers or that damned Miss Edith pointed us, I was always right there, your faithful lover. Never gave it a thought that the sad bint had all ability to love tortured out of her, along with her sanity, by Angelus and his whore long before I swanned onto the scene.” Spike frowned and then amended, “Cept for that twisted kind of ‘love’ she’ll always have for Sir Broodsalot.”

He felt the same sadness at the memories of Dru that always came when he remembered his life with her. More a sadness of years wasted waiting for her to love him at least half as well as he had her. Sometimes ‘eternal love’ fell far short of the whole ‘eternal’ part.

“Only poetry with Dru was written in the blood of a thousand corpses,” Spike mused. “Dru did love to have me say pretty words while she bathed in the gore and horror. Could do it then too! Now….” Spike felt his soul twist within him. “Nothing of beauty there. Worse than the stuff Cecily inspired. Made my Wicked Plum laugh though.” He sighed deeply and raised his head again to the muffled sound of Buffy chiding one of the herd about eating the last of something.

Harmony had inspired visions of rats in traps more than anything else. She was a one-night stand gone terribly wrong, complete with unicorns and an unhealthy obsession with malls and boy bands. William had never been good at giving a girl a proper shove-off and the demon had taken solace in the easy sex after Dru’s betrayal.

Who would have guessed that Spike’s real ‘eternal love’ would be the Slayer of his kind, she who should have just been his third warrior taken in battle? Everything about the girl touched the William deep inside, the frustrated poet yearning to create worlds of beauty with his words.

“Started even while I thought I hated her,” Spike remembered. “Watchin’ her writhe on the dance floor, lookin’ as temptin’ as Salome before Herod yet pure as a child seein’ its first snow. Drove me near mad. Should’ve known then; Dru did. Never could bring myself to deal the killing blow, even though I had more than one chance in the beginning to snuff her easily enough.” Spike shivered at the thought of being the cause of Buffy’s end. “Didn’t want her dance to ever end. Still don’t…won’t…not gonna happen even if it takes my dust blowin’ in the wind.”

He looked around at his humble surroundings: a cardboard box with a change of clothing and a small cot in the Slayer’s cellar. Oh, he had his moments out of the dark and dank, when needed. Some times to help train the increasing numbers of hormonal teenage girls that daily added to Buffy’s long list of responsibilities. Other times to just get out of the way of someone else’s training session, something more cerebral than physical. Most nights he got a bit of violence by patrolling with one or more in the group, never fully sure if one of his “students” might choose a heated moment to put an end to him.

“Likely to die of boredom before I dust, at this rate.” Spike paced the small area of basement he considered his “room” and kicked idly at a cardboard box, sending plumes of non-vampire dust into the air. “Great! Destroy the Slayer’s stored goodies. Perfect way to thank her for not putting a period to me months ago.” He bent to put the items that had spilled from the torn box in some order.

The box had contained a variety of things generally found in family homes. There were a few forgotten photo albums, some ancient receipts, notebooks from years gone by filled with a few pages of household notes and plans, the odd paperback novel. Spike slipped a couple of those on his cot to look into later, hoping with all his might that they wouldn’t turn out to be mind-rotting nonsense like those Dru had loved with the Joker in a diamond logo on the cover.

He looked through the photos and smiled fondly at the pictures of a very young Joyce with a towheaded toddler on her hip. Buffy had that twinkle in her eyes that had been there from time to time until her resurrection, the one that had always been there when they had fought. “Charmer even as a babe, weren’t you? Bet you had your daddy wrapped round your wee finger.” He scowled at the young man in the picture who already had his eyes trained on someone other than Joyce as the camera’s shutter had closed. “Wanker!”

Taking the pile of albums and notebooks to his cot, he indulged in a bit of snooping he had denied himself since the soul. Picture after picture of Buffy’s childhood and young adolescence filled at least two albums. Some had faded slightly with age, but all showed the lively and bright child that was clearly the center of her mother’s life. Some pictures included Dawn and Spike was reminded of the girl’s rather recent entry into Buffy’s life and family. “Seems the monks didn’t think it was important to plant many pictures in the albums rabbited away.”

The notebooks contained ancient grocery lists and Joyce’s reminders to herself to attend this meeting or that gallery showing. Seeing her handwriting brought a smile as Spike remembered the signature on the only Christmas cards he ever received. “Good woman, that Joyce. Had kindness even for the likes of me.”
He carefully removed the few written pages and placed them in the photo albums, keeping the partial books, now empty, to use for his own purposes. “Don’t see Joyce mindin’ me usin’ her leftovers.” He hadn’t written in ages, not really. Oh, the odd threatening note or message to Dru over the years had found its way onto paper, but not anything important, nothing lasting. Not even as interesting as Joyce’s long ago reminder to pick up celery and round steak.

Opening the first of the notebooks he thought for a moment. What to write? A memoir? Hardly! “No ‘Interview With A Real Bloody Vampire’ comin’ out of this noggin! Poetry? He laughed at his audacity after all these many years. “Then again, I started this life as ‘William the Bloody Awful Poet’; might as well go out with it as well.”

He smiled as he heard Buffy’s shrill giggle over something Dawn had said and closed his eyes, imagining for a moment that the sound had been caused by some delight he had brought to her. He always had wished to bring her joy, make her laugh, ease her hurts. Never managed to do it, at least not for long.

Opening his eyes, he looked about for a writing implement and, upon finding a small stash, began to write in the first notebook.

Songs from the Cellar
A journey in sonnets by William John Leslie Pratt, Esq.

~~~

He chewed on the top of the pen as he thought about just what he wanted to say to Buffy. She would never read this, but still he wished to speak his heart properly. “Suppose if I’m gonna spill all about love and whatnot, I should explain my idea about what love is first.” He remembered his heated announcement to Buffy and Angel back in the days before he knew what real love was, what he really felt towards this Slayer. Even after he had her, knew her, he still only had a slight grasp on what love really was, what it required. He thought back to that disaster in Buffy’s bathroom, the one unforgivable act in a long list of unforgivable acts that condemned him. It took getting the soul to see, to truly see, what love was about. It wasn’t about him at all! Love was all about her.
He began to write.

I. What Is Love

Love speaks not of the one she hath enslaved.
’Tis the beloved one alone, no more.
’Tis who she is, what she is, ‘tis her core
that draws him to her flame. His path is paved
with loving her and by this is he saved.
A simple smile doth make his spirit soar.
Bereft is he when seeing that no more.
To see her glad is what he ever craved.
No tears but of joy, his beloved earn.
The beast within loves as it were a man.
Wretched man long dead now lives for her smile.
Great love will consume. All in its path burn,
rules the choice, informs the soul, caverns span,
all change or compromise is worthwhile.

“Fucking Italian sonnets!” Spike raised a mental clenched fist at his muse. “Just what a vampire’s best at--structure.” He laughed at himself. “Couldn’t have settled on some clever limericks that even a bloody awful poet could pull off with ease, could you?” His muse didn’t reply, didn’t snicker, merely hit him with other thoughts, words, images and rhymes to torment him.

“Couldn’t be as simple as,

‘There once was a bad man named William
Whose love for a Slayer near killed him’
could it?”

He sighed and remembered his mother once admonishing him, “William, nothing worthwhile in life comes easily.” Well, his poems might remain unread and were likely far from worthwhile, but easy had ceased to be an option after that first foray into putting his feelings to paper.

“Where was I?” He reread the pitiful sonnet he had produced. Yes, love was a hard concept to describe, but oh so easy for him to feel…always had been. Of course, it had taken Buffy to really teach the meaning to him.

Yes, he knew love now that it was too late. It had always been about her and always would be. He had ever tried to be whatever the object of his adoration wished. He’d been the good son, the evil master vampire, the tamed beast, and finally, the man who understood, who was a partner. It was too late, of course, for that partnership. He’d managed to bugger it up before he got it right, but his heart was finally where it should be. It was all about her, all for her.

He needed to start explaining from the point where they met. He had a century trying to live up to Dru’s desires. Always in the shadow of the Great Poof and never quite up to the mastery of pure evil that his grandsire had perfected. Dru had been his tutor, his dark muse. He had tried to be all she wanted. He had inflicted pain while pleasure had been his deepest desire. He had given her rivers of blood to dance in, to love in, and it had never been enough. He was an unrepentant monster when he first laid eyes on his Slayer. He looked and thought he saw his third kill rather than the one who would finally put an end to his existence.
The pen fairly flew as he put words to the thoughts.

II. What you Found

A ravening beast, nothing more was I,
Adrift in seas of blood. No light to lead
my journey, just one endless night of need.
No reason to think or rules to live by.
Just take what I want; I’d no need to try.
Keep to the shadows; success comes with speed,
terror in your wake; this, the Vampires creed.
Rend, feed, be on your way; those who see die.
This and more, hard things, I learned from my Sire.
Once at beauty’s alter bowed, now Shiva’s
living incarnate. Dreams of beauty done.
Embracing full the life of a Vampire
‘Til she ensnared my mind, showed me what was
The price paid and made me yearn for the sun.

All those years with Dru and he had never begrudged the moonlight. The sun was not something any proper Englishman had truck with in an ordinary way, so losing its embrace in exchange for the whispered promises of the wisp of a girl who claimed to know his very heart, his true worth, had not been too high a price. Then he saw Buffy and mourned its loss. She glowed, shone with goodness that put that sun to shame, and he wanted it…and her. Only the sun could reveal every marvelous feature of the Slayer. Shadows and moonlight looked lovely on her but hid too much. He had wanted all of her, still did, always would.

III. What You Are, What You’ve Done

What blinding power has this maid possessed?
Satin-cased steel, tongue sharp as any stake,
Enough it is to nudge the man awake.
Slight in form is she and with kindness blessed.
Evil raging within this beastly breast;
devoid of good, that which no god didst make,
Man and beast would lay down life for her sake.
Her light reached in and sought out all the best.
Goodness, purity, life itself she wields.
Laying to rest the monstrous creature.
This giver of death bringing life instead.
‘Neath her shining good the monster’s reign yields
Her compassion and her light: my teacher.
To humanity the monster was lead.

Dru had claimed to know him, to know his hidden desires, abilities. She had known only what the fairies giggled to her and that only fractured as her mind had been. No, Buffy, without even trying, had reached deep within him and awakened the man he had been. The man he had yearned to become. The dreamer who longed to create beauty was still there, merely silent. Now she made him sing.

IV. My Salvation

Powers’ true weapon, striving for the good,
Love’s pure magic, like water into wine,
changes monsters to something clean and fine.
For such, I do that which I never would.
I was the ravening beast, deeds no eye should
E’er see. Nothing clean within. Crossed a line
Conceived an ill-thought plan to make her mine;
now choosing things a monster never could.
Goddess of all that’s good looked down upon
One beneath her. Now bestows her goodwill,
compassion for the beast she once did shun.
The thing I was, the plans I had, now gone.
New cravings have I only she can still
Her smile the new blood of my redemption…

“Spike!” Andrew’s whiny voice broke into the vampire’s concentration. “Kennedy plans to take a group out to Restview and Buffy’s not here. I told her you had to go with them because they were still merely Jedi-in-training, but she won’t listen to me.”

“Not likely to listen to me either--or anyone else,” Spike snorted. The girl had latched onto Willow like a leech and thought that somehow made her superior to the other Potentials. He sighed and faced the inevitable. Placing the notebook under his mattress, he reassured the nerd in residence, “Be right there.”

Window on William

2009-05-11T13:54:03Z

Posting my entries from this current round of seasonal_spuffy from LJ here to back up. Please drop by the community to read the fine work there and check out the lovely artwork as well!

Title: A Window On William (the Bloody Awful Poet)
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: Poetry
Rating: G
Summary: Poems in varying styles in the voice of souled Spike for seasonal_spuffy spring 2009
A/N: Cinquain poems follow the following rules:
Line 1 - One word (a noun) naming the subject of the verse.
Line 2 - Two words (adjectives) describing the subject.
Line 3 - Three words (verbs) describing the subject's actions.
Line 4 - Four words giving the writer's opinion of the subject.
Line 5 - One word (noun) giving another name for the subject.
Tanka is a Japanese poetry type of five lines, the first and third composed of five syllables and the rest of seven. Tanka is the oldest type of poetry in Japan.
Shakespearean sonnet: 14 lines, The usual rhyme scheme is end-rhymed a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g.
Septet, 7 line stanza ABABCCC

Cinq Cinquains:
~*~
Buffy
Beautiful, resilient,
Dancing, striving, forgives
She’s magnanimous, exquisite, perfection
Salvation

~*~
Slayer
Deadly, graceful
Killing, giving, loving,
She’s witty, resourceful, lethal
Destiny
~*~
Soul
Guilty, needy
Regretting, hurting, convicting,
It’s necessary, guiding, humbling,
Yours
~*~
Love
Burning, consuming,
Give, forgive, sacrifice,
Makes one come alive
Core
~* ~
Sex
Powerful, helpless
Melt, moan, possess, submit
Together, never alone again
Pleasure

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Trio of Tankas:

~*~
In thrall she holds me.
Falling stars rest in her eyes.
Hair, gold as the sun,
My soul is filled with birdsong,
Singing praises to all her glories.

~*~

Hands, soft yet lethal.
Silken waterfalls of hair
Cascade o’er snowy
Mounds, both shoulder and breast. Eyes
That see all, yet miss so much.

~*~

Tongue like rapier
She flays me to the bone. Her
Mouth gives joy, also
Hell for one who lives by her
Every word. Speak kindly, love.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Simply Shakespearean

She walks, death’s companion, yet made of light.
I loved her ere I knew her name or face!
Oh, to be welcome at her side to fight
the battles that consume her. Not my place.
Forfeit all with my rude insistence. Now
bereft, apart, condemned by my own deeds.
I pledge my life; my loyalty I vow
to the one who set aside her own needs
and, undeserved, my great transgressions forgives.
So how then can I do less than love her?
Caught in her snare, I’m her eternal slave.
All I am is the best I can offer.
No love from her can I expect. My goal
is to be hers. She owns my heart and soul.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Septets

Could I but do o’er the time we
Were close, I’d love her well and good.
Forget my needs and to hers see.
Her pleadings not misunderstood.
Never would it end with a shove.
The monster hangs, judged from above,
Broken on the cross of her love.

~*~

She is a song without dancing.
I hide within the night’s black wings.
Called to her song, chance a dusting,
I teach the dance; my dark heart sings.
Oh, that she could see shades of grey,
My devotion her heart to sway!
Only pure love burns sins away.

~ fin

Hummmm

2009-03-25T22:15:37Z

Hear that inactive journals are getting the boot. I know I don't post here as often as I should but time is an issue. Still don't want to lose this journal so I am posting LOL.

Kathleen
slave to the net

Acceptable Substitute

2008-11-14T00:20:01Z

Title: Acceptable Substitute
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: fanfic
Rating: PG (keeping it PG with fade to blacks)
Setting: S4 during “Something Blue.”
Summary: What if there were a residual attraction after Willow’s spell? What if that attraction were real? What would a witch do to make it right? Once more, someone else decides what is best for the Slayer.

A/N: “Something Blue” was written by Tracey Forbes and I use some of her dialogue in this story.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me and are being used for amusement purposes only. All rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the original writers of the episodes, books and other licensed products connected to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, particularly Twentieth Century Fox, WB, CW and UPN, all rights reserved.

~~~~

Buffy couldn’t wait to get back to her fiancé. The magic supply store was closed, so she was returning empty-handed. But instead of worrying about her mysteriously blind Watcher, her heart soared on wings of love. ‘I always thought Spike was hot, but if I had known how sweet he could be…how his kisses could nearly make me come…I’d have never let him leave last year when he was heartbroken over Dru.’ She smiled at the memory of how even then her vampire had sought out the Slayer’s mom for comfort and cocoa.

Her musings were cut short when a field of white came into her peripheral vision. The lone bridal shop had never been a magnet for the Slayer before. ‘I never dreamed I’d get that white wedding.’ She laughed to herself at how appropriate that expression was considering her groom looked a bit like Billy Idol. ‘Maybe I should have said I wanted that for our first song instead of “Wind Beneath My Wings,” she considered. ‘That would be more up Spike’s alley.’

As she evaluated each dress in the window, she let her mind return to that first meeting in a literal alley. Spike had made her heart jump from the start. She had considered herself hopelessly in love with Angel then, yet the deep voice that rolled over her like honey, the snark that showed him to be unafraid of the Slayer and the challenge in his eye had made her lose her breath as her heart skipped a beat.

The wedding dress in the window was lovely. Yards of net scattered with white satin flowers flowed from the nipped-in waistline beneath a fitted bodice guaranteed to make Buffy’s modest bustline look lush and womanly. The elbow-length veil was perfect too. She tried to imagine her own blonde curls instead of the dark hair of the mannequin. ‘Looks too much like Dru,’ she pouted.

Her happy musings were interrupted by that TA Willow was always going on about. She searched her memory for his name, finally lighting on it. “Oh, hello, Riley.” She pointed to the dress that had captured her fancy. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Riley Finn looked nothing less than confused. “Um, yeah…they’re nice.” Oh, God, this girl must be one of those looking for a husband at an early age, a quick road to retirement on his dime. He shuddered. “A little dressy for school, but….”

Buffy let out a slight giggle, then sobered as she realized the young man might have had an interest in her after all. She had thought him nice enough, a little large like Angel had been though. “I really like you and hope you know that you mean a lot to me.”

Here it came! He waited in expectation for the words that were usually heard after at least a few dates. ‘Don’t you just love the idea of a big wedding?’ or ‘I always dreamed of a nice wedding and lots of kids. How about you?’

Buffy was talking again; he could hear it over the roaring sound in his ears. “I want you to promise me that we can always be friends, and I’d really like you to be there on the big day.”

“The day?” he was befuddled and it showed.

“My wedding day. You know, THE wedding,” Buffy practically gushed.

“The wedding? What wedding?” he asked dumbly.

“Mine!” Her voice was practically producing visions of flowers and rainbows. “I’m getting married. Can you believe it?”

Riley blinked in confusion. As far as he knew, Buffy Summers was as single as he was. In fact, he had planned to work his charm on her in the very near future. She was a pretty little thing and looked like she would appreciate a big strapping fella to look out for her, protect her from the nasties in life. “Congratulations?”

“It’s fast and kinda crazy, I know. Mom’s gonna have a cow! I mean, she likes him and all, even before I did,” Buffy was babbling and she knew it, but it didn’t matter. Happiness overflowed from her, pouring out over the acquaintance she had been assessing as a potential boyfriend just the day before. “I mean, we used to fight. A lot, actually. I think it’s like in grade school--you know what I mean--how you really like a boy, or a girl if you’re like…you, and you pick on him because you don’t want him to know you like him?”

Riley just looked at her as if she had run mad.

“I think maybe we fought because we couldn’t admit how we really felt about each other.” Buffy could feel her heart beat wildly as she remembered each battle that ended in a draw, each time Spike’s body had pressed close only to push away from her as if burned by fire. “Gotta go. I’ll send you an invitation!”

Buffy rushed past the dazed young man and turned towards Giles’ apartment and the arms of the man she loved. Her rush was interrupted once more as she spotted a notions shop that was still open. On an impulse, she took a detour into the world of fabric with its small section of wedding paraphernalia. Her eye was drawn to the cake toppers and she snapped up one with a blond couple in wedding finery. ‘Wonder how Spike will look in a tux?’ She nearly drooled at the mental image produced by that thought.

~~~

Giles was disturbed--or even more disturbed, to be technical--that Buffy had failed to get the needed ingredients for the spell removal. Now he had to listen to the kisses and cooing of the mismatched bespelled couple in the corner of his living room.

“Aren’t they a perfect little us?” Buffy had been using the cake topper to perform a wedding march up Spike’s arm, much to his amusement.

Spike looked at the ceramic couple and frowned, “I don’t like him. He’s insipid and clearly human.”

Buffy looked a bit closer and could see that the miniature bride in her hand was stuck with a rather ordinary looking groom--not a hottie like her Spike. “Red paint! We could smear a little on his mouth like blood of the innocent!” She was so proud of her solution to the problem marring her groom’s joy in their wedding planning.

Spike beamed. “That’s my girl,” He pulled her into another heart-stopping kiss.

The silence was the worst for Giles. He just knew what they were getting up to in those moments when they weren’t billing and cooing. “Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking.”

The happy couple sighed with regret but obeyed Buffy’s father figure. They went back to planning their happy day. Spike utterly refused to reveal his human surname, much to Buffy’s amusement. ‘Has to be embarrassing for him to hold back. I may have to take up research before the wedding, find out just what will go after that Mrs.’

“Can just use Summers,” Spike insisted. “Nice name, fits you, and I’m not so old fashioned that I can’t just take your name to keep it all proper-like.”

Buffy pouted, “No! It’s the woman that takes the husband’s name…or hyphens it. Hey, you don’t already have a hyphened name, do you, ‘cause that would be too weird.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “No hyphen. Name’s just not me anymore. Been simply Spike for near a century.”

“Well, ‘simply Spike,’ I want a married name,” Buffy insisted. “Cough it up.”

Spike took a deep breath and whispered something in her ear.

“Really? I thought Giles was just using British cuss words or something. Wonder where he found out?”

Giles forced himself not to join in to satisfy his curiosity. The last thing he wanted was to seem interested in anything about Spike.

The need to join in the lovebirds’ conversation was interrupted by the abrupt entrance of Xander and Anya yelling something about demons. “What’s going on?”

Anya was breathless but managed to gasp out, “Demons! They keep coming and coming.”

After more confused discussion and disclosures, Xander noticed Buffy holding Spike’s hand and that she was standing far too close to the untied vampire for his liking.

Buffy held out her hand and flashed a hideous skull ring. “Spike and I are getting married!”

Much huffing and puffing and horrified exclamations later, a seed of a thought planted in Xander’s mind, “Wait! Married…I know something. What is it? Everything is so familiar.” He hit his head with the open palm of his hand and ordered, “Work, brain, work! Oh! Oh! Willow!” His eyes lit up at the answer to this night of impossible wrongness. “Something about Willow and her grievy ‘poor me’ mood swings. So, so tired of it.”

Buffy sighed. “We’re all tired of it, but what does it have to do with what’s going on?”

“She called me a demon magnet and said that you two should get married.”

Giles perked up at that. “And she told me that I didn’t see anything! She did a spell! A spell to have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true.” He felt a shiver go up his spine at the thought of all the havoc the untrained young witch might create with that spell.

Buffy nodded in understanding. “That’s it! All of you are affected by her spell. I’m glad I’m a Slayer; it must be what kept me safe from it, a sort of natural immunity.”

“Right. You’re marrying Spike because you are crazy in love and so right for each other,” Xander snarked as he made hand gestures that showed how little he believed that possibility.

Buffy snuggled even closer to Spike and was grateful as he whispered, “It’ll take a bit of time for them to get used to it, pet.”

“We have to find her and get her to fix this mess,” Anya declared as the pounding of demons at the door continued to threaten to drown out conversation.

“Okay, let’s go find her.” Buffy started for the door, then looked at her blind Watcher and back to the door holding back the horde of mean uglies determined to get in.

“Maybe Spike and I should stay here with Giles to keep him safe. You guys head out through the back while I keep the demons occupied out front.”
~~~

Not long after Xander and Anya headed out to search for their willful witchy friend, the incessant pounding stopped and Giles let himself slip over the edge into the eighty proof liquid dreams that had been beckoning him since he finished his first bottle.

“Ah, peace at last,” Buffy smiled up at Spike. “I’ve been wanting alone time with you ever since you surprised me with that proposal.”

“Been thinkin’ ‘long those lines for a mite,” Spike admitted. “Had a few dreams. Never dared believe you might say yes.”

“Really?” Buffy was blushing at the thought that Spike had been thinking of her that way all along. “I thought you hated me.”

Spike snorted. “Not bloody likely. Woulda killed you right off if I did. Always thought you were a vision. Full of spunk and fire too. Love watchin’ you kick and spin and fight like a tiger.”

Buffy stuck her lower lip out and looked at him through her lowered lashes. “You tried to kill me not long ago when you had that ring.”

“Not really. Had me worried ‘cause you weren’t givin’ the fight your all. Had to get right nasty with you to light that spark.” He hugged her closer. “Wish I had that ring now though so you could have that outdoor wedding you wanted.”

He kissed her tenderly and drew her even closer. As the kiss deepened, Buffy moved her hand to his tight manly arse and gave it a squeeze that caused Spike to let out a surprised squeak.

“Keep that up, missy, and I’ll stop bein’ the gentleman you’ve been dealin’ with and give you a good seein’ to,” he mock threatened.

“Promise?” Buffy’s honeyed voice nearly undid him. She motioned to the staircase leading to Giles’ sleeping loft. “I think we’ve earned some private engagey time, don’t you?”

Spike grinned widely. “Anything for you, Slayer of my heart.”

Buffy shot him a tender glance. “You know, you say the sweetest things, Spike. I never knew that about you before.”

“Lots you don’t know, lots I’ve wanted to show you for a long, long time.” He picked her up and carried her up the flight to the unmade double bed and gently laid his fiancé upon it. “Sure you don’t want to wait for the wedding night, precious, ‘cause as much as I want you, I can wait. I’m not a complete monster here.”

She giggled and then sent him a smoldering look that said much more than the simple, “Want you now,” that came from her lips.

“Got me. Now and always,” Spike then began to unbutton his red dress shirt while giving her a look that melted her into the mattress.

~~~

Willow baked yet another batch of cookies and grinned ingratiatingly at her friends and the newly sighted Watcher. She felt like the worst of all possible people for having put them all in such terrible positions with her botched spell.

She noticed the looks Buffy kept shooting at Spike whenever the bound vampire was not looking her way. She also noted that Spike had the same look of naked longing whenever he was certain Buffy wouldn’t catch him. This was NOT good. Shades of Angelus level badness overtook Willow’s imagination and the memory of Spike offering to sire her rather than kill her made her blood run cold.

She watched as Spike whispered something to Buffy, causing her to flush slightly. Spike smirked and then audibly complained of not getting any of the guilt cookies Willow had been baking all afternoon. Buffy shoved one in his waiting mouth and returned to the kitchenette.

“Spike giving you a hard time?” Willow noticed how red Buffy became at the question.

“He’s a pig.” Somehow her face belied the words. “He knows it was just a spell, but he won’t let it go.”

Willow became very concerned at that. “Is he coming on to you? I thought you guys hated each other.”

Buffy looked at the floor and continued to blush brightly. “Will, can you keep a secret?”

“You know me, even torture can’t pry a confidence from me,” Willow vowed. “Well, maybe I’d crack a little with torture, but I’d try really hard.”

Buffy smiled and gave a short burst of a laugh. “Okay,” she glanced toward Spike and saw that his vampire hearing had picked up on the fledgling girl talk.

Buffy motioned that she wanted to take the conversation outside and out of earshot.

“Back in a sec,” Willow called to Giles cheerfully.

“Take your time. I’m certain my oven can use the break.”

When they were far enough away from the apartment to ensure no nosy vampire ears would hear, Buffy began to pace and then speak. “You know how you said the spell was that Spike and I would get married?”

“Um, hence the cookies of shame,” Willow nodded.

“Well…you didn’t say anything about love, did you?”

“LO--Buffy does Spike think he’s in LOVE with you?” Willow was horrified--this was worse than she thought.

“NO, NO…or I don’t think so. We haven’t had any time alone to talk…not that I WANT time alone with him.” Buffy was blushing again.

“I’m not sure what I’m feeling.” Buffy bit her bottom lip in nervousness. “I mean it’s not love; it’s too soon for that. But, Willow, he was so sweet and gentle and you should see him naked.”

“YOU SAW HIM NAKED?!?!” Willow sputtered.

“Can you possibly say that any louder?” Buffy’s eyes were huge.

“Sorry,” Willow replied automatically. Her brain had short-circuited with that last bit of information from Buffy. “You saw him…you know…?”

“Yeah, I saw and…um…did,” Buffy wouldn’t look at her. “We were engaged and in love and it felt right and natural.”

Willow blinked rapidly and then began to hyperventilate. “Oh, goddess! Oh, goddess!”

“Will, it’s okay, or at least it will be. He knows I’ll dust him if he says anything. The problem is that I really liked it. He was….”Buffy got a faraway look in her eyes that troubled Willow way more than the words her friend had just said. This looked like it could become serious. Seriously bad.

“I’m not sure what I want to do. I mean he’s got that chip and all,” Buffy mused.

Oh dear, she was actually thinking of starting up with Spike, even without a spell. This was majorly not good. This was bad on a scale of fish murder.

“Buffy, I thought you were thinking about maybe dating Riley?”

Buffy looked blank. “Who?”

“Riley. You remember…tall, handsome, smart, kinda shy?”

“Oh, him. I really hadn’t decided on that one. It’s just that Spike was just so…unexpected,” Buffy let out a happy sigh. “In every way. In every GOOD way.”

“Buffy, promise me you won’t do anything for a while. You want to make sure it’s not still part of the spell, right?” Willow knew full well the spell was limited to what she had said and the length it ran before she reversed it. If Buffy were falling for yet another vampire, it was because it was real. If Spike were falling for Buffy, then that was just plain trouble.

“Yeah, you’re right. Giles would wig for sure. I’ll figure out a way to make sure Spike is feeling the same as I do and then we can decide how to talk Giles around.” Buffy got a sappy grin on her face. “Really, Will, you should see him naked!”

“NO, no, I shouldn’t and neither should you, missy!” Willow looked both horrified and panicked. “Please promise?”

Buffy relented. “Okay, pinky swear, but I won’t wait too long. He was….” She blessedly didn’t finish the sentence, merely sighing in far too contented a way for Willow’s peace of mind.

‘My mess, gotta fix it,’ Willow began to think of what and how to undo this disaster she had innocently created.

~~~

“You sure this spell thingy isn’t going to backfire?” Xander looked about nervously. “You know I love you, Will, but your success rate hasn’t been exactly comforting.” Xander had been even more horrified than Willow when she had told him about Buffy’s confession and enlisted his help.

“No, I really researched this one well. I’ve got all the right candles and incense for what I want and I wrote the spell myself.” She saw Xander shudder and rushed to assure him. “It’s more powerful to write spells for yourself, and I made sure I said just what I wanted to this time.”

Xander felt his throat go dry. “I think I’d rather not be here when you do it, you know, just in case.”

“Plausible deniability,” Willow chuckled. “Got it!” She was confident nothing could go wrong. “Did you get that picture?”

“Yeah. It’s a good one too, kind of a shame to burn it.” He handed a Polaroid to her. “I’d better get home. Anya’ll be driving my folks crazy if I don’t get there to head her off at the pass.”

“That’s the real disaster waiting to happen,” Willow teased.

Xander blanched. “Would you stop saying things like that! I didn’t like being a demon magnet and I’d really not like to have this thing with Anya jinxed by you saying stuff like that!”

Willow mimed zipping her lip and grinned at her oldest and dearest friend. She waved her fingers at him as he rapidly backed out the door.

“Okay, now to finally fix this.” Willow set about positioning the candles, oil and other paraphernalia needed and began to draw her circle in chalk. She set the brass bowl with scented bits of birch and jasmine to use for her fire and wrote Riley Finn’s name on the back of his picture, setting it beside the bowl.

Willow began to call on the elements. “Earth, my body. Water, my blood. Air, my breath. And Fire, my spirit.

“I call upon the Guardian of the East and the Element of Air to enter this circle and be witness to my purpose. Aid me here tonight. So mote it be.” She lit the first red candle for passion and love.

“I call upon the spirit of the South, the Element of Fire, to enter this circle and be witness to my purpose. Aid me here tonight. So mote it be.” She lit the second red candle.

“I call upon the spirit of the West, the Element of Water. Bless us with your power of change. So mote it be.” She lit the black candle meant for banishing.

“I call upon the spirit of the North, the Element of Earth. Bless us in this purpose. So mote it be.” She lit the other black candle.

Finally, she faced her makeshift altar and lit the white taper for balance and peace. “Goddess, guide my purpose this night as I make what is wrong become right.”

“Aphrodite, goddess, fair of face
Grant to me this simple grace.
Slayer’s memories of love replace
Of acts and thought leave not a trace.
Fires of lust toward another burn
One more suited so she will learn.
Transfer emotions and deep desire
To one whose name I place on this fire.”

With those last words she held the photograph to the flame of a black candle and then placed it in the bowl watching in silence as it burned to ash, leaving nothing but the sweet smell of jasmine incense.

~~~

Buffy stretched, yawned and glanced at her roommate, who had somehow slept through the blaring of the alarm clock.

“Yo, Willow! Sleepyhead! Time to get up and get ready for another fun-filled day of endless boring lectures!”

Willow opened one puffy eye and noticed that Buffy was looking carefree once more. “You look all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning. Have nice dreams?”

Buffy blushed slightly. “You know that cute TA in Psych? Well, let’s just say he had a starring role.”

Willow smiled to herself as she got out of bed and slipped into her plush monkey slippers. “I think he likes you, Buffy. Maybe you should jump into the dating pool again. You know a nice normal guy.”

“You know…I just might,” Buffy grinned. “If he’s interested, that is. He asked me if I liked picnics the other day. I might just bring that up after class.”

“Picnics are a good start--fresh air, sunshine, all kinds of yummy goodness,” Willow agreed and snagged her bath gear before heading to the showers. “I’m just glad to see you looking happy, Buffy. You know I love you. You’re my bestest girlfriend and I want you to have every good thing.”

Buffy smiled at the strangely serious redhead. “Thanks, Will. I love you too. Don’t worry about me. I think a whole new world is opening up for me suddenly.” She grabbed her bag and joined Willow on her trek down the hall. “Besides I’ve got the best of friends to look out for me, so what’s to worry?”

~fin

Law of Diminishing Returns

2008-11-13T23:52:07Z

Title: Law of Diminishing Returns
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: fanfic
Rating: PG
Setting: S7 the night before the final battle in “Chosen”
Summary: A bit of angst. Just why might Spike have doubted Buffy’s declaration of love in the cave? Why might he have had reason to be afraid to hunt her down after his return? Just what DID happen that last night? Here be angst.
A/N: Spike and Giles quote from “King Henry V” act 3 scene 1 by Wm. Shakespeare. Tiny snippet of dialogue from “Beneath You.”
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me and are being used for amusement purposes only. All rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the original writers of the episodes, books and other licensed products connected to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel particularly Twentieth Century Fox, WB, CW, and UPN, all rights reserved.

~~~

He sat on the cot staring at the amulet that Buffy had given him to wear in the fight. No one knew what it actually was or where it came from save that Angel had brought it to help them win. ‘At least she chose me to wear it. Called me a champion in all but words.’ He was proud and humbled by her confidence in him. For the first time in his vampiric existence, someone had chosen him over Angel, but it was bittersweet. Somehow in his deepest parts, he knew that this would be his final battle, his last hurrah.

He owed her this, his willing sacrifice. She had forgiven him much and had finally turned her kindness his way, taking him in and caring for him, letting him know in her own silent way that he was forgiven.

She had sent Angel home, hadn’t wished to risk him. Spike had heard the words and felt a dagger pierce his heart deeper even than the kiss he had witnessed them share. It had been a balm that she had shown confidence in him by allowing him to wear the thing in his sire’s stead. She might not love him, but he had at least earned her trust.

He would be her champion, just as these past nights he had been her comfort, her silent solace. He would follow unquestioning and with no complaint or demand. She deserved no less. She had conferred friendship at the very least upon him, the killer of her kind, her attacker.

With her, he had already tasted all of heaven that one such as he might hope for, and also had gotten more than a glimpse of the hell he might well be entering when this battle ran its course.

The part of Spike that proved having a soul could not prevent one from darkness cherished the thought that while his sire might be spared because of Buffy’s love and desire for him to survive, Angel would never have Buffy again. The curse ensured that, and Spike was glad. He knew he should want Buffy to have that which made her happy, but he couldn’t bring himself to that point of unselfish love.

The amulet spun, catching bits of light in a near hypnotic flash of power. He was going to die, he knew it. Die alone in the midst of a sea of people and once more he would likely die un-mourned. That seemed to be his curse.

He felt her presence even before he heard the opening of the door. She had long passed the ability to sneak up on him, not that she was trying to tonight. She looked as deep in thought as he had been before he rose to meet her.

“Gonna be a long night,” Buffy sighed, “but not really long enough, I guess. The girls are all too keyed up to sleep. I think I’ll need a new mattress if Faith’s doing what I think she is on it.” She smiled at her attempt at a joke.

“Principal getting lucky?” Spike gave a slight grin.

“Seems so.” Buffy walked to the cot and sat down. “Lucky. Funny to call it that. I don’t remember sex bringing me much luck and I think I could use some about now.”

“Sex or luck?” Spike tilted his head in inquiry.

“Both.” Buffy reached out a hand and beckoned him to her.

‘Am I flesh to you? Feed on flesh. My flesh. Nothing else. Not a spark. Oh fine, flesh then. Solid though. Get it hard; service the girl.’ He was still her flesh, her way to feel when hurting and alone. As always, he was willing to be whatever his Slayer, his love, needed. “You sure this is what you want, Buffy?” His voice betrayed him with a slight tremble.

“Yeah. I need you, Spike.” She gave him that wet, wide-eyed look that always brought him to his knees. “That okay with you?”

“Still your willing slave, pet, always willin’. Sure it’s me you want?” The last thing he wanted was to remind her of what happened between them the last time he touched her intimately. She needed her wits about her in the morning and he needed his sanity.

“Well, I can’t see me offering myself to Xander or Giles.” She smiled, thinking he’d see the humor.

‘And Angel’s back in L.A., the berk!’ Spike’s thoughts ran amok as he closed his eyes to disguise the hurt. Try for the funny. “There’s always the nerd boy.” He flashed a false grin in return.

She shuddered. “I’d rather join a convent!” Then she laughed. It was a sparkling sound that Spike would give his hard earned soul to have her make often, even if it pained him to do so.

“Leaves me, then.” He moved towards her and allowed her to pull him closer as soon as he was within touching distance.

“We were pretty good together.” Buffy let out a wistful sigh. “Even with all the bad, there were plenty of good times too.” She looked to him for confirmation.

“Yeah,” Spike smiled at her with genuine warmth this time. “Perfect fit. Best moments of my whole existence.” He included the past few nights of closeness that were his only claim to real happiness in all his time on earth. Over a century of looking for the kind of love that would bring that sense of belonging, of genuine emotion, and never really touching but the edges of it and then only here at the last.

Buffy frowned and bit her lip. She had admitted to Angel that Spike was in her heart. She suspected it was far more than that. Very likely he WAS her heart, but she didn’t have time now to think it all through. Right now she just wanted to feel him again, all of him. To touch and taste and lose herself in his arms. She wanted to do it the way he had always wanted to, slowly and lovingly. Maybe it would wipe out the bad from the past year. Perhaps he would sense the emotions she knew he engendered in her, feelings she couldn’t find the words to express. She knew that when this battle was over, if she survived, they would need to talk to decide where to go from here. For tonight though she just wanted him, the heaven of his touch, the power of his love. “Don’t talk, okay? Just feel.”

She didn’t see the pain flash across Spike’s face as his fears seemed to be confirmed. Once more, he was simply convenient. Well, if that’s what his beloved needed, it was precious little to ask. Not like he wouldn’t get enjoyment from it too. “As you wish.” He wondered if she would understand all he meant to convey with that phrase.

“Good. Can we kiss now?” She offered her irresistible pout to his parted lips.

“Yeah,” he whispered and proved once more how perfect it could be when she allowed it to be real.

~~~

He carried the ache into battle without a word. Buffy had enough to shoulder without having to deal with his issues. She had been more kind and compassionate to him than he deserved this past year and he would bear his burden to the end before he would cause her one more moment of pain. His bruised heart and noble soul would far rather die unloved and miserable than see her suffer.

The short bus ride was conducted in total silence. All of the warriors lost in their own thoughts, awash in their own fears. Spike mused on all that had led him to this time, this place, these people. His companions included men who hated him, two having recently attempted to send him to his final death, one who would likely have joined in and the annoying lad. It was fitting that he face what might be his last battle in the company of slayers. He had been defined by them, after all, having built his reputation on killing them only to lose his heart to the greatest of them all.

Once he had told her that love wasn’t brains but blood, blood that screamed to work its will. That had been true once, before the soul. Love still bypassed the brain, but now instead it screamed to work HER will, her best interests. He had once more been cold comfort in her dark days and that would have to suffice. It had been his moment of benediction in a sacred rite.

Buffy looked at the silent vampire at her side. He had been tender and sweet last night. She wished she had permitted herself to accept the love he had tried to lavish on her sooner. It was far more than powerful and mind-blowing orgasms, although they were given as well. It was a connection that reached inside her to a part she had kept frozen, locked away for far too long. He had finally been allowed to touch her and she discovered the joy in being touched.

‘Later I’ll have all the time in the world to figure this out, talk it out if that’s what he wants. Right now I’ve got an army to lead, probably to their death, and a non-corporeal monster to slay.’ Buffy looked at the back of Spike’s head as he placed the gaudy necklace around his neck then picked up his favorite ax in preparation for leaving the bus for the high school.

“Okay, troops, last chance for anyone wanting to opt out.” She waited a moment before ordering, “All right, mount up then. We’ve got uglies to slay.” She smiled at Spike and hoped he read between the lines. Prayed he could see how proud she was of him, how much last night meant to her, how much he meant to her.

“Welcome to Sunnydale High,” the former principal of said school intoned and opened the door to destiny for the busload of heroes. “Time to save the world.”

“Time to save the world for puppies and Christmas,” Spike muttered. “Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more….”

Giles glanced at the vampire and finished the quote: “Or close the wall up with our English dead.” He grimaced. “I rather hope that was not prophetic.”

“Been dead a long time, Watcher,” Spike replied with a hint of his old bravado. “Let’s go be heroes.”

~ fin

Primal

2008-11-13T23:28:39Z

Title: Primal
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: fanfic
Rating: PG
Setting: Post NFA
Summary: Yup, it’s a reunion fic. All the Scoobies have an idea of how it’s going to go, but who really knows Buffy well enough to be certain?
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me and are being used for amusement purposes only. All rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the original writers of the episodes, books and other licensed products connected to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, particularly Twentieth Century Fox, WB, CW and UPN, all rights reserved.

~~~
“I think she’ll be so pissed that we’ll have to live the whole melodrama over again,” Dawn pouted. “There’ll be screaming and crying and then stuff I’ll never be old enough to hear. I’m glad I’ll be eighteen soon and can just move to a dorm. I’m not sure I can handle another round of Manic!Buffy Mania.”

“Maybe I should have just told her when I found out.” Andrew looked distraught. His hero, the Vampyre Paladin Extraordinaire, had required silence from him at terrible personal cost. Andrew was afraid that after the Slayer finished punishing her lost love she would be back to extract payment from him at last.

“Well, duh,” Dawn glared daggers at the tweed clad nerd. “What part of ‘Buffy hates being kept clueless’ did you miss over the past three years?” She leveled a rather chilling smirk at the pale lad. “I so want to watch while she pulls your spleen out through your ear. It might make up for your constant talk about stupid sci-fi crap every time you’re in the same room with me.”

Andrew squirmed in a way that made Giles want to point him to the loo. “I rather doubt Buffy will be violent, at least not toward Andrew. The boy was merely keeping a secret as requested. Spike was the one too cowardly to present himself to Buffy.”

“She might be a teensy bit put-out with you too once she hears the whole story,” Willow speculated. “You don’t expect Spike to keep quiet about how you knew he was back even before Andy did, do you? That is, unless she just makes Spike dusty and he doesn’t get the chance.” Her brow furrowed in worry.

“Ah, dusty Spike, the stuff dreams are made of,” Xander muttered, stepping back a bit when it looked like Dawn was going to smack him. “Just kidding. The Pale Avenger gets some cred for his torch imitation in the Hellmouth.”

“We still are unsure of the status of his soul,” Giles worried. “The whole reason I withheld his return was that issue. Angel said that Spike was acting much as he did when he first arrived in Sunnydale. Naturally, I didn’t take Angel’s word as gospel; I’m not a complete fool. Still, all indications were that Spike was an enigma. He was allied with Wolfram and Hart after all. What was I to think?”

“Yeah, hindsight and the whole twenty-twenty thing,” Xander nodded. “Buffy might get it when she cools down.”

“Our Prima Slayer was seriously fuming when she found out,” Andrew noted. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone stay perfectly still yet seem to be screaming and jumping up and down in one place that way.”

“Got that right,” Dawn agreed. “I had Vi lock up the weapons cabinet just in case.”

“I don’t understand why the coven couldn’t have found out about Spike’s soul.” Willow looked perplexed. The Devon coven had become an integral part of the new Council. It was a rare answer that someone in the group could not ferret out. “I would have tried, but seems I was kept in the dark too.” She glared at Giles.

“There was some mystical shield over that place of evil. None of the members were able to get any readings on Spike or Angel, in spite of repeated efforts.” Giles sighed deeply. “I greatly fear what Buffy might be walking into. All we really know is that somehow Spike, Angel and a rather powerful demon of unknown origins survived that disaster in Los Angeles. The coven has not been able to tell anything further about them or the incident that destroyed a large section of the city near the Wolfram and Hart building. I have a horrible suspicion that Buffy might be faced with Angelus and William the Bloody. In that case, being angry might save her life.”

“Won’t do much for them though,” Xander pointed out. “We’d better be prepared for damage control when she gets back. We all remember how it was when she had to kill Angel the first time.”

“Geez, you guys are quick to think Spike’s soul is as removable as Angel’s!” Dawn snorted. “Read my lips: different vampires and different ways of getting souled up. Spike fought for his, wanted it. It wasn’t some curse like Angel’s. There’s no reason to think he’d come back without his soul any more than Buffy would have come back without hers when she returned from death.”

Willow paled. “Goddess! I never even thought about that possibility!” Giles patted her shoulder in comfort. “I really could have messed everything up with that ritual.”

“Do ya think?” Dawn chided then sighed in weariness. “All water under the bridge and so not the point. I mean no one’s ever even checked to see if those monks thought to give ME a soul when they zapped me into a human body. You guys really are single-minded about souls and vampires.”

“He seemed like a soul man when I saw him in L.A.,” Andrew said somberly. “He was all about helping us find the fragile slayer and helping others in need like the true hero he is.”
“Why didn’t he come for Buffy then?” Dawn teared up, thinking of how close they had once been before ugly events had forced her to side against Spike to show solidarity to her sister.

Xander was quiet and thoughtful. He had actually matured a great deal the past two years since the closing of the Hellmouth. He had spent a great deal of his solitude in Africa, deep in thought. Losing Anya had made him rethink many of his previous positions. “Maybe he was tired of always being the one doing the chasing.”
~~~
She saw him just a heartbeat before he stiffened, aware of her presence as profoundly as he had been of his returned soul in that cave years before.

His eyes closed in anticipation. What would it be? Yet another broken nose? Or would his golden girl prove the worth of her last words to him as Sunnydale was crumbling around them and he flamed into history?

She took in the sight of him, taking his measure. But how could one measure Spike really? Smaller in stature than he always appeared to be, he still exhibited those compact muscles that could bring down opponents far larger than himself. That whole dark bad-boy look was firmly in place, but the duster looked newer, with fewer battle scars marring its shine and flow. He looked older somehow, improbable in a vampire yet still there. Those lost years were etched on his face. She wondered briefly if the time apart showed as much on her countenance. She felt ancient and newly born at the same time.

In a moment, he could see it. Never would he be able to put into words just what the “tell” was, how he knew, but know he did. There would be nothing broken, not this time and certainly not anyone’s heart. His girl had come home and this time she really was his girl. He gulped and opened his arms in welcome.

She moved as quickly as any creature of the night and leapt upon him unabashedly. The force knocked him to the ground, Slayer wrapped around his body, lips hungrily devouring his, tongues clashing, dancing, rejoicing, as hands reacquainted themselves with long remembered and much missed bodies.

They didn’t speak any other language but the universal one of touch, taste, sight, smell…primal and perfect. This was the way they had always communicated best. No mixed messages, no wrong words.

There in each other’s embrace, they began to build the only true home either had ever had or wished for and suddenly the world was right once more.

~fin

Does It Have To Mean Anything?

2008-11-13T22:59:21Z

Title: Does It Have to Mean Anything?
Author: Pfeifferpack
Medium: fanfic
Rating: PG
Setting: S7
Summary: Just before the battle against the First Evil, Buffy decides not to let anything wait too long where her two vampires are concerned. How it could have gone if Buffy had managed to face her biggest danger: her own emotions.
A/N: “End of Days” was written by Doug Petrie and Jane Espenson. “Chosen” was written by Joss Whedon. Some dialogue was taken from these episodes either directly or modified by me for this story.
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me and are being used for amusement purposes only. All rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the original writers of the episodes, books and other licensed products connected to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, particularly Twentieth Century Fox, WB, CW and UPN, all rights reserved.

~~~

Spike was following her. She should be used to it by now. It seemed like he was always her shadow. It used to drive her crazy, but today it gave her a sense of comfort. She was feeling pretty good right now and it was thanks to him and his words, his strength the night before. When everyone else--even her own sister--had thrown her out of her house, out into the deserted streets of Sunnydale, Spike had been there watching her back and offering her vows of love and loyalty.

The streets had been deserted except for roving Turok-Hans mindlessly killing all in their way, and the eyeless Bringers with the blood of slayers and potentials dripping from their knives. Funny how Buffy had opened her home and pantry to protect all those people crowding her out of her own home and yet she had been turned out with no worry that the Slayer was a prime target for the enemy from whom she had been sheltering them.

None cared save Spike. He had been the one to give her the confidence to follow her instincts again, to retrieve the scythe that might just defeat the First Evil and its army.

Oh, they had welcomed her back alright, but only after losing more of their number by following their newly elected leader, Faith. To give the other Slayer her due, she had not sought the position of leader. No, that had been Buffy’s own Watcher, who at one time had loved her like a daughter, and the newcomer son of a Slayer, who had recently tried to kill Spike. They had been the ones to put Faith forward as the Slayer to lead the battle charge. How quickly her friends and her own flesh and blood had agreed.

‘Not like I asked for the job of keeping everyone in the whole world safe, much less feeding them and letting them sleep everywhere in my multimortgaged house,’ she mused as she stepped over yet another sleeping Potential on her way into the kitchen. ‘I’ve never led an army before, so how is it my fault that it went south? Spike never blamed me and he was in that army too.’

Spike had been talking to her as they made their way through the obstacle course of sleeping bags that once was her living room, her sanctuary from death and pain. He was trying to make light of the night before. She could tell it was all coming from his insecurities, insecurities she had caused him to feel.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re back in the bosom; all’s forgiven. Last night,” he stepped in front of Buffy with a look on his face that was clearly a plea, for what she didn’t know. “Last night was just a glitch. A bit of cold comfort from the cellar dweller.” God, he looked so needy, so…scared. “Let’s not make a thing out of it.”

Quick empathy was never Buffy’s strong suit, but he was so transparent that she knew he was silently begging for her to acknowledge that his comfort, his love had meant something to her, something real. ‘God, I don’t have time for this. I’ve got a war to win, the end of the world to stop. I haven’t had time to even THINK about what he is to me or if I want him to be something to me.’ She just could not go there. “Great, I have work to do.”

Naturally that led to hurt feelings. For a vampire, he always wore his heart on his sleeve, so easily hurt! She knew that, had seen it for years, even if she hadn’t admitted it to herself and never to him.

Finally, he broke the mood and diverted the conversation to the scythe in her hand. “That the thing the preacher man was so anxious to keep out of your mitts?”

She turned the implement in her hands, testing its weight. “That it is.”

Spike turned and headed towards the back door. “Maybe I’ll swing by the vineyard when you go and make sure he’s sitting tight.”

Once more Spike was there, watching her back, fighting at her side as an equal. Suddenly she didn’t want him to leave yet, not on that note, not with things left unsaid. He was already at the door with a hand on the doorknob.

“You’re a dope!” Maybe not the best way to start the conversation, but it fit their history.

He looked poleaxed. “I’m a what?”

She was nearly stuttering, completely out of her element. She was the one to start this and now that she had, she was at a loss as to what she wanted to say. No, she knew what she wanted to say, just not if she was ready to say it or ready to want to want to say it. Emotions and Buffy were so not mixy. She fell back on the familiar and went verbally aggressive. “You’re a dope. And…and…and a bonehead.” She fumbled around mentally for the word he had just called her. “And you’re shirty!”

Spike hadn’t a clue what had gotten up the Slayer’s nose to be insulting him this way. He hadn’t pushed her about the night before. He had just offered to go watch Father Fruitcake for her and now she was tossing out insults. “Have you gone completely carrot-top?”

She thrust out the scythe towards him and let the words pour. “Do you see this? This may actually help me fight this war. This MIGHT be the key to everything and the only reason I’m holding it is because of you!” Her voice softened as the memory of his tenderness and encouragement washed over her. “Because of the strength that you gave me last night.”

Spike got that awed look again as if unfamiliar with any praise or thanks. Buffy blushed slightly realizing that might just be the case. How long had Spike been doing things for her, for all of them, without a single ‘thank you’ in return?

She sighed with weariness. “Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird mixed signals. You know I have Faith for that.” She pointedly ignored the incredulous look and snort that induced. “Let’s just get to the truth here, okay? I don’t know how you felt about last night, but I will not….”

Spike turned slightly in a protective manner and nearly whispered, “Terrified.”

Buffy hadn’t expected that. “Of what?”

He looked as frightened as he had just admitted to being. “Last night was….” She could see the courage leave him as he looked skyward. “God, I am such a jerk! I can’t do this.”

Something told her she couldn’t let him just stop there. “Spike….”

He gulped and then continued, “It was the best night of my life.” His eyes were filled with unshed tears. “If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that thing on me, 'cause I couldn’t bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but….”

She was mesmerized. The air around them seemed charged with emotional energy. “I just told you it did.”

Spike sighed. He was so bloody tired of this ‘push and pull’ routine. He’d been trying to not read anything into her actions like he had in the past. That had led to much badness. No, this time he was listening to her words and that was all. If he dared believe her actions, her tenderness, her seeking him out, it might lead to his end, because he couldn’t go through that again.

“Yeah, I hear you say it, but…I’ve lived for soddin’ ever, Buffy. I’ve done everything. I’ve done things with you that I can’t spell, but I’ve never…,” he gulped and lowered his head slightly. “I’ve never been close to anyone, least of all you. ‘Till last night, and all I did was hold you and watch you sleep.” He smiled tenderly at her, this woman he adored, this woman he yearned for like no other. “It was the best night of my life, so yeah, I’m terrified.” An eternity of wanting love, wanting and needing closeness…. He had that one treasured memory now and he greatly feared losing it by having spoken forbidden sentiments.

Something in Buffy broke free. She understood just how much it had meant to him…far more than all their sexual acrobatics of the year past. She knew how much she had hurt him before, broken him to the point where he was more afraid of her words than her stake. “You don’t have to be.”

No one had ever looked at her with such intensity. It was as if he were seeking entrance to her very soul, searching for some holy truth only she possessed. “Were you there with me?”

“I was.” She had to be honest; the words just bypassed every barrier, every locked door within her. Now she was the terrified one. ‘God, I can’t do this!’ The walls started to go up. If her heart could have left her body to hide from truths that she didn’t want to face, she would have happily opened her chest to allow it.

“What does that mean?” He needed it spelled out. This was THE moment of truth and all his chips were on the table.

Buffy paled. “I…I don’t know.” She could see Spike start to shut down. He could see it coming, another verbal stake to his exposed heart. “Does it have to mean something?”

She couldn’t do it. In that moment, Spike realized she never would, not because she didn’t feel anything, but because she didn’t WANT to feel anything. There was no fighting that. Time to let the girl off the hook. “No, not right now.” He couldn’t look at her; it hurt too damned much.

‘No, no, no!’ The internal battle in Buffy was tearing her apart. “Maybe when….” She didn’t want to have it go this way. She wanted time, that’s all. Time to sort out how she really felt when there wasn’t a disaster to stop. Time to figure out how much she was willing to risk again.

Spike looked at her then, his face a mask or at least she hoped that was all it was. “NO!” He put up a hand to prevent Buffy from saying or doing anything further. “Let’s just leave it.”

Later, there was always later. She’d make it all up to him later when there was time. “Okay.”

Spike sighed out his last bit of hope and packed away his dreams. “We’ll go be heroes,” and he headed out the door.

Buffy stared, eyes wide and heart pounding, at the space that no longer contained the vampire that had carved out such a big place in her life, in her heart. ‘Later, I promise,’ but she couldn’t have said to whom the promise was made.

~~~

The Prattling Preacher lay halved at Buffy’s feet. The scythe had proved its worth in that battle at least.

Angel had come! Time was running out on the world and her first love stood before her with gaudy jewelry in hand and offers of help for the first time since he had walked out of her life so many years before.

Buffy wasn’t sure exactly what she was feeling about that offer. On one hand, she needed help, but somehow Angel’s face wasn’t the one she saw there when she pictured the battle to come. It felt odd, like putting on an old familiar pair of boots only to find they weren’t so comfortable any longer; they just didn’t fit right. She didn’t know why she just knew that she didn’t want him there in this fight. “No, you’re not gonna be in this fight.”

He cut in front of her and turned his hurt puppy eyes on her. “Why the hell not?”

God, he could look so hurt, so needy! What could she say? Buffy really didn’t know why she wanted to turn down another good fighter just before facing what could be the last war, but she had to think of something to make him just leave. “Because I can’t risk you.” There, that should pacify him and solve the issue.

Angel was nothing if not persistent. “You need me in this.” He was going to prove stubborn, she could see it in the set of his jaw.

“No,” she tried again, “I need you gone.”

“Why?”

Good question. Now if only she had a good answer. Angel was her dream, the great love of her life. She had always believed that to be her one truth and yet the kiss hadn’t rocked her world as it once had. Having him there to fight at her side had once been the daydream she permitted herself whenever she bemoaned her loneliness and yet now she just wanted him to go back to L.A. If he stayed she could just see him huddled with Giles and Robin Wood discussing how Buffy should conduct this war, how she should lead. She could imagine the pep talks reminding her of her calling, her duty. She felt a sudden longing for someone who followed her lead when asked without question, who fought back to back, never expecting her to be anything more than what she was. When had she moved on? She couldn’t tell him that or he’d never leave.

“If I lose, if this gets past Sunnydale, then it’s days or even hours before the rest of the world gets sucked into hell. I need a second front, someone I can count on. I need you to run it.”

She could see Angel stand a bit straighter thinking she still needed him to count on, to be the champion she could depend on to win the day. Still…there was something else, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something decidedly unBuffy, or not the Buffy he knew and cherished. “Okayyyy,” he crossed his arms and gave her his stern father look. “That’s one reason. What’s the other?”

Buffy tried to brush it off with a wide-eyed look of innocence and turned to leave the tomb. “There is no other.”

Angel drew in a deep breath in exasperation and then he caught it, that scent! “Is it Spike?” Buffy stopped so quickly Angel nearly ran into her back. “You’re not telling me something and I remember his scent pretty well.”

Damn! If she’d had a clue that Angel would be strolling back into town she would have changed out of the clothes she had been wearing when Spike held her the night before. She rolled her eyes and opted for disgust. “You vampires! Did I ever tell you how gross it is with you smelling people all the time?” She began to walk away again.

“Is he your boyfriend?” The tone of amazed horror wasn’t disguised at all.

Buffy remembered the last time Angel had butted into her love life. She hadn’t checked HIS little black book, had she? “Is that your business?” she hedged.

Angel looked what Spike would have called gobsmacked. Buffy surely hadn’t taken up with his idiot grandchilde, had she? Angel knew she had been depressed and a bit off her game after she returned from heaven, but NO woman chose SPIKE, certainly not over him! “Are you in love with him?” he sputtered in disbelief. “Okay, maybe I’m out of line, but this IS kind of a curve ball for me. I mean,” he snorted in amusement, “This is Spike we’re talking about here.”

Buffy felt her back go up at the implication. “It’s different! HE’S different.” Her voice softened as if adding an unspoken plea for understanding. “He has a soul now.”

Suddenly Angel devolved to something Buffy never anticipated having any view of: an adolescent! “OH” he rolled his eyes and looked heavenward, “Wellll,” sarcasm dripped from each syllable. “That’s great. Everyone’s got a soul now.”

Buffy didn’t want to get into this with anyone, Angel especially. Somehow his making light of what Spike did in getting a soul for her made her furious. That Angel couldn’t see how unbelievably amazing such an act was boggled her mind. She had been surprised that Giles had not been too interested, but Angel was a vampire with a soul--he KNEW what that meant to Spike. “He’ll make a difference.”

Angel completely lost his battle with maturity then. “You know, I started it--that whole having a soul--before it was all the cool new thing.”

Buffy stood gape-mouthed. Had Angel forgotten that HIS soul had come as a curse? He hadn’t even asked how Spike had gotten his, what he had endured. Come to think of it, she hadn’t pressed for too many details either. Angel was starting to annoy her majorly. “Oh my GOD, are you twelve?”

Angel was so angry he was starting to pace. “I’m getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn’t necessarily bring out the champion in me.”

Nope, he certainly wasn’t acting like a champion OR a grown-up who chose to walk out of her life. “Are you just planning to drop in and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?”

“AHA!” Angel pounced like a prosecutor on cocaine. “Boyfriend! You said it!”

“He’s not.” No, he wasn’t, never really had been really. She wasn’t sure what Spike was to her, but ‘boyfriend’ just didn’t seem the right word. Boyfriends were who you dated, the ones you carved initials into wood with, the ones you made out with until your mom turned on the porch light and made him leave. Spike had never been her boyfriend and she wasn’t sure what to call her feelings for him. “He’s not. But he is in my heart.”

She could feel the fury coming off of Angel in waves. “That’ll end well,” he barked.

Buffy blinked and felt the anger rise in her breast. What right did Angel have to critique her relationships, relationships he hadn’t been around to see because he’d decided to leave. If he hadn’t left, she might never have moved on to anyone else for him TO critique! “What was the highlight of OUR relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you? I’m well aware of my stellar history with guys, and NO, I don’t see fat grandchildren in the offing with Spike, but I don’t think that really matters right now.”

She felt the anger drain at that thought. This may be the last time she ever saw Angel again. Why end things with harsh words? She moved closer to the irate vampire and sighed before letting out a chuckle at the ridiculousness of the entire conversation. “In the midst of all this insanity, a couple of things are actually starting to make sense. The whole guy thing, for one. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t make it work, but maybe I’m not supposed to.”

Angel had a chill at the reminder that Buffy wasn’t designed for a long life with anyone. “Because you’re the Slayer?”

Buffy struggled to come up with a way to make sense of it. “I’m cookie dough, not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m going to turn out to be.” She could see the confusion on Angel’s face. Okay, maybe not the perfect analogy, but it did make sense. She had the right ingredients to be the woman who could be in a good, healthy relationship, but she had lots of maturing to do--if she lived long enough, that is. That was it, that was the time she had wanted when talking to Spike earlier and now with Angel.

That sobered her a bit. It wasn’t likely that she would ever have that time. She was the Slayer. A short shelf life came with that package. If she waited until she fully matured to know her heart, she would never have any happiness. Actually, there would likely be no fat grandchildren in her future with anybody, maybe not even a future when you got down to it. Perhaps she wouldn’t have that time she craved, but there WAS still time to grab some happiness while she still lived.

“Angel, one thing Spike has taught me is that I am more than just ‘Buffy the girl’ or just the Chosen One. You don’t really know me, not anymore. You know the young girl who was still playing at being the big bad Slayer of all things scary and icky. I’m not her anymore. I’ve done too much, seen too much, felt too much. Spike knows the me that I am now, the me I’m becoming.”

Angel didn’t like where this was headed. “But this is Spike we’re talking about. He’s an idiot and a killer.”

“He is oh so much more than a killer,” Buffy started to defend him.

“You forget, I know Spike better than anybody,” Angel began, only to have Buffy cut him off.

“You don’t know him either!” She took a deep breath. “You knew Spike the first twenty years he was a vampire and then maybe a few meetings when he came to Sunnydale. You haven’t been around to see him grow, see him try. He was chipped and I used to tell myself that was why he wasn’t the Big Bad anymore, but that wasn’t it. He could still have killed us all, still have drained bodies brought to him by minions, but he chose to change. He messed up along the way, but he did try.” She teared up at the memories of soulless Spike’s many attempts to do right for her.

“You don’t know what he’s suffered, all for the love of me.” She didn’t want to go into detail; too much of that suffering had been at her hand or from her mouth. “He did the best he could and when that wasn’t good enough, he went and earned his soul back, all for me.”

And then she knew. She wasn’t a lump of dough; she wasn’t waiting for time or other experiences. She had been afraid, afraid Spike would be like all the rest who loved her and then left. It seemed laughable in light of their history. He was the one who NEVER left, even when she gave him every good reason to do so. He was the one she could trust!

“Angel, go back to L.A. I’ll try to make sure you don’t need to be a backup unit. I appreciate you coming and bringing this,” she pointed to the amulet. “You have your life and I think I just realized I have one too; they just aren’t together.”

Angel dropped the necklace into her hands. He had seen the fleeting thoughts on her face and had pretty well guessed what she was thinking. He didn’t want to actually hear the words though. “I’ll go and start working on that second front. I hope I don’t have to use it. Take care of yourself, Buffy. Make sure HE takes care of you too.” He turned and left as quickly as he could so he wouldn’t have to see her leave to go to him.

~~~

Buffy fairly flew home but stopped on the porch to catch her breath, to slow her heart a bit. This was it, the moment of truth. Spike once asked for crumbs and she had dithered with images of cookie dough. It was time to stop all the food nonsense and feed the real hunger, the hunger of questing hearts, needy souls. Time to grow up.

Spike was clearly in a snit. He was laying into the punching bag hard enough to almost knock it from the chain that secured it to the beam in the ceiling.

“So where’s tall, dark and forehead?”

Crap! He knew about Angel. “Let me guess, you can smell him.”

“Yeah, that and I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs to watch you kissing him.” Spike looked hurt. That wasn’t an expression she ever wanted to cause again, not on him.

“It was a ‘hello,’ and also a mistake,”

“Most people don’t use their tongues to say hello, or I guess they do, but…wait a minute…a mistake?” He looked befuddled.

“There were no tongues and he’s gone. Really gone this time. As in ‘a person from my past that I might see once in a while, but that’s all’ kind of gone. The ‘not in my heart’ kind of gone.” Buffy looked him straight in the eye, wanting him to see the truth there.

“That so?” Spike feared to push this odd conversation, not sure where it was leading.

Buffy noticed the crudely drawn caricature of Angel on the punching bag and let out a burst of laughter. “One of these days I’m going to lock the two of you in a room and let you wrestle it out,” she teased. “Yes, that’s so.”

Spike swallowed in nervousness and dared to walk towards her. “Doubt he took that well.”

“Don’t know, don’t care. He’s a big boy and he’s the one that left.” Buffy shrugged in nonchalance. “I think he already moved on but just held onto the memories too hard. Now he can let them just be memories and get on with it. And I can too.”

Spike tilted his head and bit his lip. He still wasn’t sure what she was driving at.

“We were talking earlier, before we went off to be heroes,” she reminded him.

“Yeah,” Spike said the word slowly and nodded.

“You asked what last night meant to me and I blew you off. I was scared, but I think I don’t have time to be afraid anymore. I don’t WANT to waste time.” She laid a hand on Spike’s arm and looked into his eyes, showing her soul, her heart to him at last. “It does have to mean something. It means everything. You need to know before we go meet the apocalypse du jour…Spike, I love you. I’m not good with words, but I really need you to know that’s how I feel.”

She then proceeded to prove that words would never be necessary, not between them.

~fin

Passo Doble

2008-11-13T22:46:50Z

Title: Passo Doble (A drabble set at end of “Fool For Love”)
Author: Pfeifferpack
Rating: G
Summary: The Passo Doble is a dance inspired by bullfighting…very intricate and stylized. Bullfights rarely end well for the bull.
Disclaimer: All rights belong to Joss Whedon and ME and their corporate overlords. I derive no compensation from this work as all rights are reserved by them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“All we’ve ever done is dance.” A dance with flair, passion.

He loves to fan that flame, play with fire. She’s all heat and he desires warmth.

At times their dance has left both partners bruised and bleeding, yet each time the tune plays they race to the dance floor.

She came to him asking to learn the steps. He led with tales guaranteed to fuel her fire, then offered a demonstration. The pattern set, they twirled and pirouetted then, his guard down, he revealed his vulnerable, yearning heart. She closed in, armed with words, and speared the bull.

Hero's Reward 12/12

2008-05-12T14:19:03Z

See A/N in Chapter 11 for notes on dialogue from series
Poem at end is Love Sonnet LXXIX by Pablo Neruda (I’d pay to hear JM read his sonnets!)

~*~
Chapter 12, Called to Life
~*~

“Morning.” Buffy looked like she could use another eight hours of sleep, even though her smile indicated she wasn’t begrudging the reason for her state. “Coffee made?”

“In the pot,” Giles pointed to the obvious.

“Did you get your witchy friends all up to speed on Operation Willow?”

“Yes. They will be expecting us in two days’ time. Now that we know what went so wrong with Willow, they will be able to put together a plan that should restore Willow’s sense of self as well as help her channel the remaining magic that was always hers.

“Did Tara decide to take you up on the offer to go with?”

Giles nodded. “She wants to give Willow the chance to prove that she can be trusted once more. Tara is one of the most forgiving creatures I’ve ever met, a pure soul by any definition.” Giles smiled tenderly. “Willow is very fortunate.”

“Yup, for lots of reasons,” Buffy agreed. After hearing the entire story from Spike, Buffy was in a more forgiving frame of mind herself. “If it had been just her own thoughts that caused her to do what she did, I don’t know if I’d ever want to see her again, even if the coven did help her get control.”

“Magic is always something that has a price to pay if you do not follow the natural order and laws.” Giles nodded. He could understand Buffy’s feelings. All these many years past and he had yet to fully forgive Ethan Rayne for his dabbling in the darker aspects of magic, even after they had all been badly burned as youths. Somehow it was harder when you knew it was only the person you loved and their desire for power.

“Consequences,” Buffy added. “Spike says there’s always consequences. He’s right. Consequences equal bad, reward equals good. Willow could have had so many rewards for her talents if she had only been more careful. Maybe it won’t be too late for her though. It’s good of you to take her on.”

“I’m not, actually. Athenea will be working with both the girls; I am merely the go-between.”

“Still….”

“Is Spike still sleeping?”

“Like the dead.” Buffy grinned at her own quip.

“I had hoped to discuss this Rack with him, but no doubt there will be some time before I have to bustle about preparing for the trip to Devon.”

Buffy frowned, remembering the mild argument she had with Spike the night before regarding Rack. Spike was intent on taking the mage out on his own. He blamed him for many of the bad things that had happened since Buffy had returned from heaven. Besides preying upon Willow’s insecurities and desire for power, he had facilitated the dream creature’s existence that had led to Dawn’s broken arm and recurring terror.

“I told him he can’t kill Rack, even if he is sooo asking for it,” Buffy revealed. “Rack is human…barely. Not only is it wrong to kill a human, but Spike’s chip would probably put him out of commission for quite a while. Rack’s not worth that!”

Giles had thought about the situation and decided that there was no recourse for dealing with Rack’s crimes using human justice and that Spike had the right of it when all was said and done. “You may be right.” Giles didn’t let on that he only meant the part about Spike not being the one to do the deed. ‘I’ve made the hard choices before. Ben for one, and he was an innocent for the most part.’

“I have looked into his sect. He belongs to a renegade branch of the Temple of Set. They branched off from the Church of Satan in the Seventies. Seems Rack had aspirations of succeeding the high priest in time and sought to increase his power by tapping into the Old Ones through Willow.” Giles frowned again. “Nasty bugger.”

Buffy laughed. “That’s what Spike called him too.” She felt sorry for her friend having to carry those memories with her once she was healed. So many people had been hurt and so much damage done. Willow would never be the same.

“So they have a Church of Satan and a Temple of Set? Is that like a church for demons and vampires?” Dawn had caught the end of the conversation.

“No,” Giles explained. “The Church of Satan was begun by Anton LeVay and it was more about self-indulgence and flamboyance than actual worship of Satan. Love of self was more the theme. They still exist, though the era when they were rather a pop fad has ended. The Temple of Set was founded when Aquino was a Lt. Colonel in the U.S. Army and broke from the church. He got recognition for it by the U.S. military as a viable religion. Claims to have spoken to Set himself and used that as the basis of his teaching. In Egyptology, Set is often referred to as the evil god, but that is not exactly correct either. Surely Osiris and Isis have grievances against him, as he was responsible for the death of Osiris, but Set was originally the god of the desert and storms and chaos.” Giles thought again of Ethan and his love of chaos. ‘No doubt he has a connection with this group.’

“TMI for early morning, but thank you for the lecture, Professor Giles,” Buffy teased. “Guess they’ll just have to look for someone else for the priest job, ‘cause Rack’s out of the running.”

“Indeed.”

“Uh…Buffy?” The voice was so soft and low that they barely heard it. “Can I talk to you?
Alone?” It was Xander and he looked like he had gotten even less sleep than the Slayer.

Buffy grabbed her coffee and motioned toward the back porch. “Okay, but if you plan to lecture me on the one hundred reasons why I shouldn’t be with Spike, you can save your breath.”

They sat side-by-side in uncomfortable silence for a while as Buffy sipped her java. “How did we get here?” he asked plaintively.

“Here as in ‘the meaning of life’ here, or here as in ‘Xander tried to run Buffy’s life and now they aren’t pajama party buddies anymore’ here?” Buffy tried to make it sound lighthearted, but there was bitterness in her tone.

“That last one.”

“Scenic route, long drive and back seat driving…lots of back seat driving.” Buffy was not in the mood for any nonsense from her friends, not any longer. They had all lost that right by the choices they had made along the way.

“I wish you had talked to me about Spike,” he began.

“Well, maybe I would have if you hadn’t given me so many reasons to think you’d be an ass about it. Still wearing the scars from my time with Angel, and I didn’t need you picking at those scabs. Spike’s not Angel. He wasn’t Angelus even back when he was still intent on being evil.” Buffy looked her friend in the eye, searching, reading, trying to decide what was going on in there. “Apples and oranges…only thing in common is that they’re fruit. Same with Spike and Angel.”

“They’re fruits?” Xander looked flustered.

“No, and you know that’s not what I meant. I meant the only thing they have in common is that they are vampires.” Buffy rolled her eyes at Xander’s quick attempt at the funny.

They smiled at each other tentatively.

“Suppose you’re right. I’ve done a lot of thinking. I’m kinda out of practice, but I pulled it off.” Xander had been wracked with guilt ever since Willow had played David Copperfield with Spike. All he had done since was think and he was heartily sick of it. “I was remembering Angelus and putting him in Spike’s place. If Angelus had been the one chipped, I don’t think he would have ever come to us for help. More likely he would have had minions burn us out or bring our bodies for his dinner, like the Master did. He wouldn’t have ever tried to change sides either. I guess I can give Spike the benefit of the doubt.”

Buffy looked at him with such hope in her eyes that it broke his heart a bit that his disapproval had clearly caused her such pain. “I just want you happy and if he’s the guy…well…I’ll be watching him, I have to be honest, but I won’t cause trouble.” He offered his hand as a sign of truce. “I don’t know what I’d do without you and Will. You’re my only close friends, my family.”

“Let’s not find out,” Buffy agreed and drew him into a hug. “I love you. You do know that, right?”

“I love you too--and in entirely appropriate ways, as I’ve had to reassure Anya more than once.” He let out the breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding and relaxed for the first time in weeks. “So how’s Will?”

“Subdued. Giles did something to expel that Egyptian hitchhiker and she’s pretty ashamed of a lot of stuff she was doing. On the other hand, I’ve had to threaten Amy with stakage to get her to stay away. That girl is a menace just like her mom was! Think the new high school might want another special cheerleader trophy for the case?” They both chuckled at the memory.
“Amy and Rack, both human, and look at the trouble they caused!” Buffy had a faraway look and then grinned at Xander. “Maybe Spike’s right and some humans deserve to be eaten.”

Xander paled. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Afraid you’d be on the menu?” Buffy teased. “You’re safe, and not just because of the chip. He’d never hurt anyone that matters to me, even if he could.”

“You’re that sure of him?”

“Completely.”

“That’s good enough for me then.”

~~~

The next morning’s newspaper carried the story of a body that sounded suspiciously like Rack’s being found behind a dumpster in an alley near the Sunnydale police station. Buffy hadn’t seen Spike suffer a headache, so she chose to just believe it was a happy coincidence that the warlock was now history. She never saw the gouges on Giles’ arms that indicated a struggle of some sort.

It was better that way.

~~~

Tara had taken Willow by her family home to say a goodbye to her parents and make a plausible excuse for the prolonged trip to England. It was one time that the Rosenbergs’ disconnection came in handy.

Giles was packed and ready. ‘The sooner we sort Willow out, the safer we shall all be.’

“Headed back to the land of tea and brollies now?” Spike was dipping his pancakes in blood and making the Watcher vaguely nauseous. He shuddered at the thought that there would likely be many occasions where he would be required to dine with Spike, and knowing the vampire it would never be a pretty sight.

As if reading the Watcher’s mind, Spike smirked and admitted it. “Gotta get my evil any way I can. ‘Sides, you and the whelp could do with a diet. Just doin’ my duty lookin’ after your best interests.” He took another large, dripping bite and smiled to himself at his success.

“In answer to your question, yes, we are all ready for the trip home. The girls will have a day or so in London before we journey to Devon. I promised to play tour guide, at least where the museums are concerned. I doubt I can stomach another trip to the Tower even in the company of such charming ladies.”

“Buffy’s after me to take her to London, show her about. I tried to explain that her bloody Council would have a welcomin’ party if I try that, but she’s not buying. Won’t be able to put her off forever,” he sighed.

“I don’t plan to inform the Council about your…relationship…if that’s what you are wondering,” Giles reassured the vampire. “I love Buffy too much to expose her to the inevitable response of the Council to your liaison. She deserves accolades from them, not admonishments.”

“They’ll be old news before too long,” came a voice unfamiliar to Giles.

“Bloody hell, warn a bloke, why don’t you?” Spike glared at the small demon in cheap clothing. “Do you have to stand upwind? Tryin’ to have my brekkie here and your stench isn’t helpin’.”

Giles bit back a retort and chose not to be side-tracked. “Just who might you be?”

“Name’s Whistler. Mr. Melanin Challenged here met me in the between place a while ago.”

“I see,” Giles nodded. “I take it you are an emissary of the Powers?”

“You could say that. They don’t know I’m here at the moment.” He looked behind him with a bit of alarm. “At least I hope not.”

“If you’re here to take me back, I’m not goin’,” Spike vowed. His stance brooked no argument.

“Naw, you’re here for the duration. Figured I owed you one’s all. Since I got the wrong vamp involved and messed up the Slayer--I feel really bad about that, by the way. Besides, you’re here for a hero’s reward, remember?”

“I doubt Spike is a worthy reward for Buffy,” Giles opined.

“Buffy’s not the one getting the reward; this fashion reject’s the hero getting rewarded.”

“You’re a fine one to give critique on my clothes,” Spike huffed.

“I fail to understand how Spike is worthy of any reward, other than a sharp piece of wood through the heart.”

“That’s why I’m here. Slayer doesn’t need her Watcher being full of suspicion and disapproval. You not trusting Spike led to major bad before. Don’t want that happening again when that Slayer’s kid shows up. Gotta keep what I’m gonna tell you under your hat though.” Whistler nodded towards a squirming and vaguely embarrassed looking Spike. “He’s already changed things enough that not much is likely to go down like it did the first time, but some could still come back to bite him in the ass. Figure they don’t need you making matters worse.”

~~~

Giles was ashen. He couldn’t even look Spike in the eye. If what he had just been told were true, it went against everything he believed possible about vampires. To think the annoying berk and perpetual thorn in his side had voluntarily dusted in order to save Buffy and close the Hellmouth was astonishing. That he later fought in another apocalypse trying to make the outcome something other than mere slaughter and dusted yet again was beyond belief. Still, this Whistler was who he said he was. Giles had run a check using the most reliable magic to be certain.

“There’s more. You’re gonna find out anyway in time, first time she gets hurt bad enough to die.”

Spike growled lowly at that thought. “Not happenin’, not on my watch.”

“Relax, Big Bad. It’s not happenin’ at all. Little side-effect of your witch friend’s ritual gone wrong. Seems when she called the warrior of the people that pretty well focused the Slayer essence into Buffy. She’s it. End of the line. No more Potentials. Same with the jailbird. Your Council is already having kittens over that, even though they don’t know why it’s happened.”

“Good Lord!” Giles was horrified. “That cannot be permitted! There must be a way to put things right.”

“Already done. There’s no need for any more Slayers, ‘cause the one you’ve got has no expiration date.”

“Just what does that mean?”

“That means Buffy’s immortal. No Achilles’ heel either. Your Council are already unnecessary baggage, even if they don’t know it yet. Just a matter of time before the Slayer gives them all a nice retirement party and keeps just a few to help with research and the like.”

Giles blinked rapidly. “Buffy is going to live forever?”

“’Til the real apocalypse, yeah.”

Giles turned to Spike. “And you knew this?”

Spike was looking gobsmacked. “First I’ve heard of it. Don’t know how she’s gonna take it. Always goin’ on about wantin’ to be ‘normal’ and not wantin’ to be the Chosen One. Now she’s stuck.” Spike looked down at the table, a small smile creeping across his lips, “Course, I’m not complainin’. Never would’ve turned her, but wasn’t lookin’ forward to watchin’ her age and die.”

“You want to tell her or should I?” Giles asked.

“Why not let him?” Spike quirked his head in Whistler’s direction.

“HEY! Not me! Last time I had news for the Slayer, she threatened to pull out my ribcage to wear as a hat.”

“I wouldn’t worry, girl’s got a better sense of fashion nowdays,” Spike quipped. “Think you’d better let her know before your bosses find out you’ve been down here spillin’ my beans all over.”

“About those beans,” Giles began. He wanted a first-hand account of the wild story Whistler had told about the next couple of years as they had played out before.

Thankfully for Spike’s sake, Whistler had left out the whole soul getting. Giles would be too inclined to demand a replay of that. Maybe one day perhaps, when Angel finally had his Shanshu, Spike would tell the old bugger if he was still around…or maybe not. He’d let Buffy decide about the soul when it was time. For now she would be his guiding light through the dark night of his soul.

~~~

They lay in bed limbs tangled and bodies replete. “Think Willow will come back when she’s all better or stay in England?”

“Don’t know. Likely depends on the little girlfriend. Got a feeling where one goes the other will always follow.”

“I know that feeling.” Buffy snuggled closer and kissed a trail up the column of his neck to his ear causing him to giggle in an unmanly way as her tongue began to play there.

“So you’re not pissed that Red put all of it on you forever?”

“If I was alone I might be pissed, but I’ve got you, so how bad can it get?”

Her fingers were making a delightful mess of his curls as her kisses became more focused instead of teasing. She drew back and leveled a grin at him. “I never knew vampires got goosebumps! Hmm…was it this?” She licked his left nipple and blew on it for good measure. “Or this?” Her attention then turned to running fingers softly on his groin bringing on deep shudders of pleasure that his moans gave voice to.

“You’re looking for more lack of sleep, missy, if you keep this up,” Spike warned.

“Oh, I’m thinking keeping things up,” she let her hand close round his cock to emphasize her point, “is of the good. The very, very good.”

Things did ‘keep up’ well until the sun was making itself known and Spike was feeling the lure of vampiric sleep. With his drowsy Slayer in his arms, surrounding him with her warmth, he was more than ready to let Morpheus sweep him away. He was glad neither of them had any pressing need to leave the bed. With the house empty and Dawn at school, they could sleep in all day if they wished. He was in heaven, his heaven, and that would ever be Buffy.

“Spike?” Buffy’s voice was a whisper as she fought off yawns. “Remember when I told you ‘I love you’ for the first time?”

“Never forget it, love. Best moment in my existence.”

“You recited a poem to me,” she said dreamily. “Got any more?”

Spike smiled. “Needin’ a bit of a bedtime tale then?”

“I love to hear your voice. You make poetry come alive. It’s not like just reading them.”

His inner William wept in joy. “Think I can come up with one that fits.”

“By night, Love, tie your heart to mine, and the two
together in their sleep will defeat the darkness
like a double drum in the forest, pounding
against the thick wall of wet leaves.

Night travel: black flame of sleep
that snips the threads of the earth's grapes,
punctual as a headlong train that would haul
shadows and cold rocks, endlessly.

Because of this, Love, tie me to a purer motion,
to the constancy that beats in your chest
with the wings of a swan underwater,

so that our sleep might answer all the sky's
starry questions with a single key,
with a single door the shadows had closed.”

He kissed her closed eyes and smiled gently at his reward, now safe and happy in his arms. They would be defeating the darkness together now, the vampire and his Slayer. She had given life where none had been in a century. He had given her a reason to embrace it. Legends would be written of them, but THIS, this peace, that was theirs alone.

~fin

Hero's Reward, 11/12

2008-05-12T14:16:35Z

A/N: Although the plot has taken a turn far from canon, I have sought in these last two chapters to touch on the last episodes of Season 6 with an occasional bit of dialogue or “moment”. Those episodes are “Seeing Red” by Steven De Knight, “Villains” by Marti Noxon, “Two to Go” by Douglas Petrie and “Grave” by David Fury

~*~
Chapter 11, Setting Red Right
~*~

The short and painless ritual left Buffy feeling whole for the first time she could remember. “This is better than therapy and affordable as well--if you don’t count the airfare,” She smiled widely at Giles in gratitude. Tara had set aside her own pain and assisted Anya, Giles and Buffy in completing the four directions and elements needed to make the ritual pull in the power of the natural world.

“I suppose I should wait, but I think this is the perfect time since I have most everybody here.” Buffy decided to cut to the chase: “I’m one hundred percent functioning Buffy…and I still love Spike.”

Xander looked crestfallen. A large part of him had hoped against hope that her fixation on the missing vampire had been induced by her mystical troubles and once this ritual was completed she would come to her senses.

“I rather expected that,” Giles answered dryly. He’d had time to think and come to grips with the idea that Buffy was, as he had told the others, quite old enough to make her own choices. As Spike was not behaving in a threatening manner, there was little he could say in argument. Still, he intended to keep a close watch on the couple for as long as this infatuation lasted--that is, as soon as Spike could be returned to his Slayer’s hearth and home.

The group began to break up, each with his or her own agenda. Buffy was going with Tara to try to hunt down Willow and nip her antics in the bud while Xander and Anya were headed home for more connubial bliss.

“A word if you will, Xander.” Giles stopped the group before they reached the foyer. He really would have preferred Buffy not be present when he asked the lad his pertinent question, but there was no time like the present.

“What’s up, Watcher man? Something I can do you for?” His feigned nonchalance was not fooling the older man one bit.

“For one thing, I would appreciate it if someone in this infernal group at least attempted to speak proper English once in a while,” Giles looked between the two worst offenders only to see no remorse whatsoever on either face. “Oh, never mind. It pains me to realize that I perfectly understand your glib slang,” he sighed in exasperation.

“All day you have been acting as though you are carrying state secrets and the government is onto you. I want to know why.”

“Clueless carpenter here. Don’t know what you mean.” Xander’s body language was as accurate as any lie detector. The peaks and valleys he exhibited were off the chart. If Giles wasn’t mistaken, Xander had even broken out in a sweat.

“You do act strangely, Xander. Are you upset that I’ve been spending so much time building our nest egg?” Anya saw the world through a very narrow lens.

“I think his discomfort only manifests when Spike’s disappearance is discussed.” Giles laid it out clearly. “Perhaps there is some information you would care to share with Buffy and the rest of us?”

Xander had never wanted the Hellmouth to open up and swallow him whole before, but he made an exception this moment. If he told, he was sure to lose at least one friend, and judging by Willow’s power and moods, possibly other things less replaceable. His voice rose at least an octave. “What could I know?”

Dawn glared at him. “If you know where he went and haven’t said anything, I’ll show you uses for your tools that you never dreamed of. You’re Buffy’s friend, not mine!”

Buffy didn’t even correct her sister’s rant so intent was she on watching her friend’s face contort. He looked as if he would cry in desperation and fear. “You didn’t do anything I’ll have to hurt you for, did you?”

“NO! I didn’t do anything to the bleached wonder, I swear!” He was trapped and looked it, with his furtive and desperate looks to the sweet release promised by the open door.

Tara turned to Giles and offered, “We have all the tools we need for a simple truth spell, Giles. Should I set it up?”

“Okay, okay! It wasn’t me! I was only there to back her up. She said we were just going to warn Undead Junior to back off Buffy and not take advantage of her emotional issues. That’s all I signed on for, I swear it.” He turned large pleading eyes on Buffy, begging for forgiveness and understanding.

“She who?” Dawn demanded, her heart filled with dread at the answer she could have predicted.

“Buffy, you know we love you. We’ve been there for you since your first day in school here. We’d die for you. Neither of us would ever want to see you hurt.” He was practically crying. Buffy’s stony face was not offering any hope of forgiveness, even in the face of his mea culpas.

“Ahn, tell them, tell them how I agreed with you to just let this work itself out and not interfere!”

“And yet you did. You decided to make my decisions for me as if I were a child.” Buffy’s voice had never been colder. “What did Willow do, because I’m getting the definite vibe my houseguest has a lot to do with this.”

“She’ll kill me…or worse!” Xander looked about wildly. “Yes, it was Willow. I don’t know what she did, not really. She said some words and got all black streaky with her hair and then Spike went away.”

“Went away how? ‘Walk out the door and down the street’ went away or more ‘poof, he’s gone’ went away? And, Xander, do be specific.” Buffy was not taking prisoners.

“Without the poofiness, just gone. One minute he was messing around in your kitchen and telling us to sod off, and the next he was just gone.” Buffy’s eyes were huge and wet with unshed tears. “I wanted to say something that night, but Willow is seriously scary. I think I’m getting an ulcer over this and I don’t even like the guy.”

“You’re not helping your case here,” Tara suggested. “Don’t you think it would have been the right thing to let someone know Willow was not just abusing magic, but that she was abusing it to the harm of others…or is this like the time you summoned the dancing demon and kept still while people burned?”

“Still coming with me, Tara? Now I have a personal reason to hunt down a certain witch. Maybe if you’re with me you can keep me from killing her.” Buffy motioned towards the open door. She turned to Xander then. “Go home, Xander. I can’t deal with you right now. Maybe we can talk later, but right now I just cannot even look at you.”

A shamefaced Xander started to leave, Anya in tow, when Giles asked, “Do you remember any of the words she spoke? Buffy, I fully understand how you feel just now, but the more I know of Willow’s words and actions, the better able I will be to try to set this right.”

“Fine. I’ll be back after I get some answers of my own. Dawn, if you don’t want to be around Xander at the moment, I give you permission to go to Janice’s for the night. We’ve got enough dark energy in the house without you adding yours.”

Buffy gave Giles a stare that chilled him to the bone. “You WILL get Spike back.” It was not a question or a request.

~~~

Giles looked at yet another text, his eyes blurring from overuse. “The boy can quote entire passages from dreadful science fiction films but cannot remember a word spoken by his best friend during a moment of high drama,” he snorted in disgust.

Xander’s physical description of Willow had been more than enough to put Giles on notice that the girl’s powers had far exceeded anything he had imagined. “Would that her control had kept measure.”

Reluctantly, he made a call to Athenea for some advice and information and came back with a bit more. Perhaps he would need what they had given and perhaps not, but Giles was mightily glad he would have it should the need arise. He understood the fear Xander was experiencing and felt its cold finger trace a line up his spine. ‘This is not good at all.’

As he refilled his glass with the last of Joyce’s good Scotch, he regretted wasting it at a time when adrenaline countered its normally soothing effects. The house was empty save for himself, but even so peace certainly did not reign. There was a storm coming, one that he only hoped they would all survive. His understanding of Buffy’s burden pressed down on him as he felt the weight of the outcome settle firmly on his shoulders.

“Wouldn’t mind one of those myself, Watcher.” Spike secretly relished the fright his unexpected appearance would give the man.

“Good Lord! SPIKE!” Giles blamed his slightly inebriated state for his being startled. Certainly he had seen far more unexpected things in his lifetime than a missing vampire popping out of nowhere. “How? Where?”

“How’s due to Red. Where’s thankfully NOT due to Red or I wouldn’t be here. She had a right nasty destination in mind for me. Seems the witch has caught the eye of Buffy’s real boss and they changed my travel plans. Not too pleased with some of the mojo Willow’s been doin’ and even less with what’ll happen if she’s not stopped. Yours truly got picked to be messenger boy. Not here, is she?”

Giles shook his head. “No, Buffy and Tara are out trying to stop Willow from further rampaging about Sunnydale creating havock. I was intent on retrieving you for Buffy.”

Spike’s eyes softened at his love’s name. “How’s my girl?”

Giles raised an eyebrow but didn’t bother to disagree with Spike’s claim on Buffy’s heart. “Much better actually. The ritual was successful and she is the same Buffy she would have been prior to her death. The counselor has been helping her with the earlier issues of abandonment and grief. All in all, she is happier than she has been in years.”

Spike looked crestfallen to think his absence had mattered so little and Giles clearly read his mind. “I do not mean to imply your disappearance has not had an impact. In fact, she has been single-minded in discovering where you have been. She has decided that your character, such as it is, would not allow you to merely leave without word and she has been seeking to discover what must have been done against your will to remove you from her presence. This has strengthened her resolve and kept her spirits up.” Giles smiled fondly. “She is rather focused when a mission involves someone she cares for, as you must remember.”

Giles suddenly remembered Spike’s explanation for how he had returned seemingly on his own power or at least without any magic from any of them. “You said that Willow is about to do something so shattering that powerful beings have decided to interfere. What can you tell me of this?”

“Buckle up, Rupes, this could be a rough ride,” Spike warned and settled in the armchair. Giles’ last shot of single malt quickly made its way down the vampire’s throat, bringing the warmth he always relished. “Know much about Egyptian gods?”

~~~

Amy and Willow were giggling and staggering as if drunk. “Did you see the look on that kid when you made his mom float to the top of the food court? Priceless. Not gonna forget that in, like, ever.”

“Woman was full of hot air anyway. It was just nature let loose and isn’t that part of magic?” Willow grinned at the memory and the delightful feel of power coursing so easily from her, manipulating the world around her without even requiring her concentration. “She had no business telling us what to do. No one does.”

“Wonder how many bones she broke landing,” Amy snickered.

“Nothing important,” Willow dismissed any concern with a wave.

“Well, well, look who’s here?” Amy pointed across the mall to a clearly disapproving and angry Slayer and a horrified Tara.

“Shit!” Willow felt a slight flush seeing her reunion plans evaporate in the haze of magic she knew Tara was fully aware of.

“Just do a spell and she’ll come ‘round,” Amy suggested.

“NO. I want her back because she wants to be. It’s not love if you force them.” Willow might have a far different view of many things, but that was one constant. “Might as well have a TaraBot if I force her back. No, I’ll have to make her understand, but I won’t make her love me.”

“Looks like we’ve scared off all the Muggles at least,” Amy giggled. She shot a nervous look at the Slayer and then at her companion. “Think I need to hit the road too. See ya.” She was gone in a flash.

“Having a little fun, Willow?” Buffy’s tone made it clear what she thought of the chaos surrounding them.

“Working off a little steam, yeah,” Willow’s voice was defiant, but the glance she shot Tara showed a bit of nervousness. “I guess Amy isn’t a good influence” That last bit was a gambit. Tara hopefully would take it and place the blame on the other girl for Willow’s excesses.

“I’d say no,” Buffy agreed. “Tell me, was Amy there when you sent my lover away?”

Willow gave a quick look of shock that the Slayer had found out. ‘Damn! I was sure Xander could keep his big trap shut.’ She quickly disguised her surprise and put on a calm, nearly smug look. “Always looking out for my friend’s best interest.” She affected a look of concern. “You’ve had enough heartache, Buffy. No way could I watch you be manipulated like that and not take action. You’d protect me the same way.”

“Willow, that’s just not true and you know it!” Tara was livid. “Your problem with Spike hasn’t got anything to do with protecting Buffy. It’s all about him being onto you and making others see it.”

Willow’s skin began to crackle and spark as the energy built up within her. Her hair streaked as if a bottle of ink had landed on her head and her eyes were huge and black in a face filled with fury. “Well, I guess you’re judge and jury then. I think you’re both just jealous.”

“Of what? YOU?” Buffy snorted. “I have someone who accepts me and loves me so much that he had to be driven away. You had someone like that and you drove her away yourself. You’re only making it worse, you know. Tara sees you really clearly and unlike Spike with me, she doesn’t like what she sees at all. Neither do I.”

Bright purple bolts of energy shot from Willow’s fingertips and flung the Slayer into the tables of the food court, upending them and burying Buffy in metal chairs.

“WILLOW!” Tara moved towards her former girlfriend tentatively.

Willow’s head snapped sideways and she flashed a warning to the other witch. ”Back off, Tara. This isn’t your fight. You know I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You don’t want to hurt Buffy either. She’s your best friend.”

Buffy managed to fling the rubble off of her and made a rush at Willow from behind, knocking her to the marbled tile and landing on top of her. “Get off, superbitch!” Willow warned. She threw Buffy off, causing her to fly into a food counter and knocking the wind from the Slayer as the glass and food flew.

The two former friends began to exchange blows as Willow followed the flying Slayer across the room. Tara watched in horror as neither girl pulled any punches.

“You have to stop this, Willow! We can help you.” Buffy still wanted to save what was left of her friend if possible.

“So noble, Slayer, trying to save your friend even while you’re getting the stuffing knocked out of you,” Willow taunted. “Kinda cute yet sad.”

“What’s sad is seeing someone with so many wonderful things going for her throw it all away for a power rush,” Buffy countered.

The blows were flying fast and furious yet neither was going down. Tara watched, her hand over her mouth, though whether to stop a scream or vomit was in question.

“I’m a Slayer; it’s what I do. I protect the innocent, even if it’s from themselves,” Buffy explained.

“So you’re gonna show me what a Slayer is?” Willow laughed and more magical energy hit Buffy, breaking her hold on Willow and pushing her into the wall.

Tara had had enough. She grabbed Willow’s arm and tried to make her turn to face her and allow Buffy to regain her balance and strength. “Stop it, Willow! Stop it all now!”
Willow didn’t think, didn’t even turn around, but the magic shot from her and into Tara, knocking the girl into a pillar and onto the floor.

“TARA!” Both Buffy and Willow screamed the girl’s name at the same time and rushed to her prone form.

“Oh goddess!” Willow’s hair had gone red even as her face paled to deathly white. “What did I do?” Just as quickly, she changed attitude. She let a hard edge come into her voice and accused, “What did you MAKE me do? Sweetie, you should have stayed out of it and let me just send Buffy back where she wants to be.”

Buffy took the moment of Willow’s conflicted emotions to deliver a blow that made her out of control friend join Tara in the land of the unconscious.

“Need to get you to Giles before you wake up all fresh and ready for round two.”

~~~

“So Willow’s actions have not been solely her responsibility,” Giles concluded at the end of Spike’s revelations.

“Wouldn’t say that. No outside force caused her to dabble in the dark. Wasn’t some ancient Egyptian travel guide caused her to sacrifice an animal or call on forces beyond her understandin’ to demand what she ought not. Person opens those doors can’t cry over what comes in.”

“Yes, I am familiar with those dangers.” From the tone of voice Giles used, Spike knew he was referring to something quite personal. “Once something is loosed, it is no longer an issue of one’s original intentions.”

Spike had been watching the Watcher closely since his arrival. The air in the house fairly crackled with magical energy. Spike had been chalking that up to Willow residing there coupled with the ritual he knew had just been performed on Buffy. Now, however, he sensed there was more and all of it centered on the man sitting across from him.

“Got a feeling someone other than Willow’s been dabblin’ of late. Anything you want to share with the class, Rupert?”

“I have been in touch with one of the world’s most powerful covens. They have felt the vibrations emanating from Willow all the way across the miles. Their seers have also been given some warning, nothing specific like the information you have given me, but dire enough to cause them to contact me while I was in London. They are willing to deal with Willow in a positive manner if I can get her to them, and that is what I fully intend to do.” Giles looked uneasy, and if Spike weren’t mistaken, more than a bit guilty.

“I should never have allowed her study of spells and rituals to go unsupervised. Lord knows there were enough warnings along the way that she was adept, and combined with her own emotional weaknesses, her insecurities and desire to bend everything and everyone that matters to her to her will, supposedly for their own good…well…I should have done something long ago.”

“If you’re lookin’ to me to disagree and make you feel better, don’t hold your breath. You’re the adult here. Seems to me you’ve been lettin’ the kiddies have their way for years. When they started actin’ up or got too needy, you just left for safer ground. Plannin’ on stayin’ and seein’ this through now or gonna pull another runner soon as Red’s been subdued?”

“I shall accompany Willow to Devon of course, but, no, I shan’t be leaving Buffy again. You were right, I am needed.” Giles snorted a laugh. “You should have seen the nonsense they came up with to try to explain your disappearance as they researched! I am needed for that if nothing else. How Buffy could accept Xander’s ventures into comic books, science fiction films and gaming books for role-playing characters as viable research material boggles the mind!”

“So the carpenter played dumb, eh?” Giles nodded with a frown. “Not too far a stretch for him. You do know he was there when Willow played vamp travel agent, right?” Spike’s voice held both a touch of bitterness and disappointment. He had his memories of a kinder, more accepting Xander from that last year before they took on the FE in the Hellmouth.

Spike tried to steer the conversation back to his question about the magic permeating the house. “You didn’t answer my question. Got a reason why the hairs on my body are standing up from all the energy in this room?”

Giles gave him a lopsided grin. “I placed a call to the coven to apprise them of the situation as I knew it. They had already noted a dangerous increase in magical power coming from two sources here at the Hellmouth. It seems Willow has been in a symbiotic relationship of power sharing with a mage here in town. The coven has assured me of his intent; his heart is pure evil and merely severing his connection with Willow will not solve this problem in the making. I will need to neutralize him as well. The conduit to the Old Ones will end when he is kept from Willow, but he is powerful in his own right.”

“Yeah, this Rack bloke…I’ve heard of him before. I can deal with him easy enough. Be a pleasure, in fact, him havin’ scared the Bit like he did,” Spike mused.

“The members of the coven have temporarily joined their collective powers to my own. I should be more than able to counter any magics Willow may choose to loose upon the world. I would, however, prefer to contain the battleground to as small an area as possible.”

“Yeah, if you play out Merlin vs. Madame Mimm, more than polka dotted dragons are likely to pop up,” Spike quipped with a grin. “Most of Sunnydale’s likely to get a rare eyeful if that gets out of hand.

“With a less than Disney film result, yes.” Giles had to grin in return at the image presented by Spike’s apt analogy.

“Speaking of the possibility of an actual magical confrontation with Willow…,” Giles bit his lip as his mind pictured all the different things that could go wrong. “It might be best if you were not present. Removing you once again, or dusting you in the worst case scenario, would turn a bad situation into utter chaos by dragging Buffy into the fray.”

“I’m touched, Rupes,” Spike teased. “You actually called my bein’ dust a worst case scenario. Should we pick out the china next week?”

Giles glared at the snickering vampire. “You know full well that I wish anyone but you were the object of Buffy’s affections. You are not worthy of her and you never will be. But I have resigned myself to the reality. I can but hope that one day she will see you for what you are and dispose of you at long last. Until that time, I will hold my peace and do all I can to protect and support my Slayer.”

Spike idly wondered if the Giles in his original timeline had changed his view of him even after he had offered himself up as a burnt sacrifice in the Hellmouth. Judging by his attitude that year he worked at Angel’s side, Spike doubted he had. ‘No soul to guide me. Maybe just filter things through Buffy. What would she want? Loves this old bugger, so she’d want peace.’ He sighed before trying a bit of unaccustomed diplomacy. “Can’t argue that. Know I don’t deserve her. I will do right by her though, and if she ever does decide she wants out, I still will never hurt her. Any hurting of the girl I ever did is in the past now. Not gonna let it happen again. Stake myself first. That good enough for you?”

“Suppose it will have to be. I do assure you, Spike, if you ever DO harm her, I will gladly make sure you are blowing in the wind before you can even blink an eye.”

~~~

Spike retreated to Buffy’s bedroom as the Watcher had suggested. Having him in the room as a potential target for the out of control witch would just result in more hurt for Buffy. He could get the drop on Willow if he needed to join in, but he didn’t want to be a distraction for Buffy any more than become a target for more of Willow’s wrath. Time enough to let Buffy know he was back once Willow was no longer a threat.

He had barely closed the door to the bedroom when the front door banged open below. “Giles, need a hand here!” It was Buffy carrying Willow fireman style while a very white-faced Tara followed. There was a slow trickle of blood from a gash on Tara’s forehead and she appeared more than a bit dazed, but at least the gentle girl was still ambulatory.

Buffy placed her burden on the couch none too gently. “Maybe you can get her to tell us where she sent Spike.”

Before Giles could reassure Buffy that Spike was currently just a flight upstairs from her, Willow began to come around. “I gotta tell ya…I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn’t about the violence.” She launched an attack on Buffy, making quick ruin of the living room. “It’s about the power.”

A bolt of energy flew from Willow, lifting Buffy and throwing her into the desk. She slid across and landed on the floor next to it, groaning in pain. Willow stalked across the floor looking pleased with herself. Buffy didn’t get up, having nearly depleted her energy from the earlier fight and then helping get both girls to Revello drive. She was exhausted. The nights without sleep didn’t help either.

“There’s no one in the world with the power to stop me now.” She threw a defiant look at the Watcher in the archway.

A huge blast of green magic energy hit Willow as Giles raised his hand to her at long last. She flew away from Buffy, landing on the open floor and sliding into the foyer. As she came to a stop, she looked up with murder in her eyes and blood trickling from her nose.

“I suppose we’re about to test that theory.” Giles voice was stern and brooked no nonsense. “You must stop what you are doing and stop it now, Willow.”

Willow glared at the Watcher and wiped the blood from under her nose, “Unh unh. No can do. I’m not finished yet.” She struggled to her feet.

“Neither am I,” Giles retorted and made a slight movement of his hand that sent Willow back to the floor. “Stay down.”

Willow looked at him, calculating her odds, “That’s borrowed power,” she concluded with a brittle laugh. “No way is that gonna be strong enough.”

Giles tried one last time to reason with her. “I’m here to help you.”

“Thanks, but I’ve got this one,” Willow snarked. “You should just go back to the bleachers and watch. I mean, that’s what you Watchers are good at, right, watching? Butting in on things that don’t concern you?”

“Both you and Buffy do concern me, Willow.” Giles kept his voice modulated with no emotion showing through. From his peripheral vision he saw that Buffy had finally recouped her strength and was standing at his back. “Stay on this path and you’ll wind up dead.”

Buffy joined in the verbal match. “Willow, listen to him. I don’t want to fight you anymore.”

“I don’t want to fight you either,” Willow conceded and pointed at Giles. “I want to fight him.”

Willow started to get up and Giles made the hand gesture once more, but this time Willow was ready for him and blocked it with one of her own. “No!” Her voice was cold.

Despite himself, Giles betrayed a bit of fear. ‘Lord, I hope the combined powers of the coven and my own rusty addition will be enough.’ Buffy moved closer to him in an offer of silent support.

“Remember how you’ve been questioning my abilities to channel magic properly? Back when you were under the delusion that you were still relevant here, you called me a rank amateur.” Willow was looking smug and fearless.

Giles watched with increasing unease as light began to illuminate the witch’s body and her eyes once more went black as night. A humming noise began to rise from no particular location. “Well, don’t worry about me, Rupert, ‘cause I’ve gone pro. Asmodea! Bring forth--”

Giles made a quick movement and shouted, “Vincire!!” A band of green energy formed around Willow, lifting her from the ground as it encased her in the magical glow.

Willow struggled in her green prison and used all the spells at her disposal to break free, but to no avail.

Buffy’s brow furrowed as she looked Giles in wonder. “What did you do?”

“I contained her and her powers within a binding field. It will put her in a form of stasis while we regroup.”

~~~

It had been all Spike could do to stay upstairs while all hell broke loose below. He had to constantly remind himself that his presence would endanger Buffy more than help her.
Now with Willow safely cocooned in Giles’ magic, he dared make his presence known. The look on his girl’s face was more than enough reassurance that he truly had been missed.

“Spike!” She turned a teary gaze on Giles. “Thank you!”

He shrugged and admitted, “I had nothing to do with it, actually. You can thank the Powers That Be for both Spike’s return and for keeping him from being sent to the dimension Willow had planned.”

Buffy was in Spike’s arms the moment his feet were off the staircase. “Oh God, I’ve missed you! I was so worried. Are you really all right?” She began to run her hands over his body as if to check that all was right with him and to reassure herself that he was indeed there.

“’M fine, love. Not goin’ anywhere.” He nuzzled into her neck, raining kisses over her.

Buffy felt the relief rush through her and leaned hard against Spike. He immediately put an assisting arm around her and led her to the couch. The last of her reserves finally gone, she gratefully sank into the cushions and pulled Spike down at her side. “Start talking,” she demanded with a giggle. “I never thought I’d miss hearing your voice so much, seeing your face.” She ran trembling fingers over said face reverently.

“’K, guess I should start with an explanation ‘bout where I wound up.” He gave a quick glance at the contained witch and asked Giles,” She gonna be safely tied up there?”

Tara, who had been standing next to Willow’s floating form, reassured him, “Yes, Spike.
Willow’s power was running down anyway and this field will hold.”

“Right, then. Okay, kiddies, wanna gather round and get comfy, ‘cause I’m only gonna tell the tale this one final time.”

Hero's Reward 10/12

2008-05-12T14:13:40Z

~*~
Chapter 10, Out of Chaos
~*~

“I think you should call him,” Dawn insisted. She was as worried as Buffy. “I mean, at least we’ll know if somebody dusted him.”

“Don’t even say that!” Buffy had done everything short of contacting Angel to try to discover what had happened to Spike. She no longer saw Angel as the Dawson to her Joey, so she wasn’t trying to spare his feelings. No, she was simply sure that her former boyfriend wouldn’t easily help search for her current one, not without countless lectures and a possible bit of violence once Spike was found.

“Really, Buffy, you have to consider the possibility. Spike’s made lots of enemies since he’s been helping you out.” Willow just had to join in. If Buffy didn’t know the girl better, she would swear that the witch was enjoying this in some sick and twisted way. “Riley certainly wanted to turn Spike into Dustbuster food and that was just a few weeks ago. Maybe he came back? Besides, your boyfriend is always pissing someone off, so it could be a local.”

Dawn had grown more and more pale with each scenario proposed by Willow. “Why would his stuff be gone though?”

“Maybe to throw off the Slayer,” Willow suggested and left the room humming a soft tune.

The cup in Buffy’s hand splintered from the pressure she had unconsciously been putting on it as she listened in growing horror. “God, what if he’s dust?! What if I waited too long and now he’s gone forever?”

Dawn pulled out of her own haze of worry for Spike and anger at Willow long enough to really notice the fragile state of her sister’s emotions. She put a reassuring hand on Buffy’s arm. “Come on, Buffy. Do you really think Spike would let someone take him out NOW, when he’s finally got your heart? He’s a great fighter, he wouldn’t go down that easy.”

“If it were a human though….”

“There’s another explanation, we just haven’t found it yet. But we will,” Dawn pledged. “Meanwhile, do you have any objections to my mixing some Nair into Willow’s hair conditioner?”

Buffy had to laugh in spite of her agitated mood. “I’d rather you didn’t tell me, then I won’t have to feel guilty or punish you.”

Dawn imitated zipping her lips and grinned at her sister as she made her way upstairs to see about a bit of mischief. ‘Okay, maybe nothing to make her hair fall out. She’d probably turn me into an iguana or something gross. I’ll think of something though. Bitch!’

Buffy picked up the phone and steeled herself for the inevitable yelling and deep sighs of disapproval. “Hey, Cordy. I need to talk to Angel….. Well, when will he be back? How about Wes then? … What do you mean he doesn’t work there anymore? Cordy, this is important, just tell Angel I need him…. Well, tell him anyway. Yeah, someone’ll be here.”

Xander entered as Buffy was getting off the phone, “Dead Boy going to join in the hunt for Junior?”

“Cordy said Angel had something a lot more important going on than the problems of ‘an old girlfriend.’ I always did hate that girl!” Buffy couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something gleeful in Cordy’s voice when she said Buffy wasn’t that important to Angel any longer. “She’ll have him call when he gets a chance. No guarantees when though.”

“I’m headed to the airport to pick up the G-man. Wanna tag along?”

“Yeah. Somehow just seeing someone actually come back has got to help.”

Xander felt his heart lurch knowing Buffy was hurting so badly when he could end the misery of not knowing. ‘How come the secrets I have to keep are never the cool birthday present kind?’

~~~

Into the mist came another figure, this one decidedly not Joyce-like. Her dusky skin was flawless and beautiful and the wings that unfurled as she stretched her arms were delicate and somehow feminine. She wore an ostrich feather in a crown on her inky hair and kohl around her deep brown eyes.

“The order must not be disrupted, son of Sekhmet, she who fed on the blood of humanity to bring punishment in the name of Ra the eternal. It must be maintained. The warrior has been returned to you. All has shifted. You may be her champion, her companion, but this you must do without that which was removed. Already too much has been compromised, adjusted.”

“I know you. Seen your statue at the British Museum. You’re Ma’at. What the bleeding hell do Egyptian gods have to do with this mess?”

The Joyce-like being intervened before the goddess could be affronted by his tone. “Willow called upon Osiris in her ritual. It was through those channels that she was returned.”

“The Slayer’s soul made my feather the weight of a hippopotamus it was so pure. Such a one had earned her rest, but the call for her return was answered by the generosity of Osiris. He saw the same grief in those who called for her return as once he saw in his beloved Isis upon his passing. His mercy permitted her return. As the Slayer line had already divided, it did not upset the balance. That had already been factored. If you choose to ally yourself, it will not upset the scales since you remain a demon and soul-free. However, this must remain your state until the other son of Sekhmet has made his final choice and either let his soul leave the body or he has been rewarded and restored. This is Universal Order and must not be made a game for children. My ruling is just and fair.”

“Right then. So I take my unsouled self back and fight at Buffy’s side and the bloody FE can’t pop out and try to suck the world into chaos this time.” Spike thought for a moment and was more than happy to make that trade. All those lost little girls and Anya, even Sunnydale itself seemed worth going without his soul. Besides, they did say he could have it later if he wanted old William around a bit stronger. “Not like I could force you to give it back anyway.”

“You could not. We seek the return of one of ours now. He who ferried the Warrior back to her earthly shell seeks to manifest in your world and such cannot be. Aken the ferryman is required to return. His duties weary him, but he is not for your world. Those who worship the murderer of Osiris have connected with him and feed from his power, from our power. This cannot be permitted.”

“Fuck.” Spike was stupefied. “Consequences! I told the bloody berks there were always consequences. Let me guess, this Aken wanker hitched a way back through Willow during that mess of a ritual. No wonder the chit’s been superwitch lately. Accounts for the attitude problem too. Wanker don’t want his vacation cut short.”

“You are correct, drinker of blood. Aken resides within the spellcaster, but another both feeds from Aken, and through him, all the Old Ones. This acolyte of Set gives back energy to the flame-haired sorceress and makes her power grow beyond containment. She is jealous to guard this power and that is why she sought to send you far from herself. You and the other are far too knowing.” Ma’at lowered her arms to her sides, resembling a lovely woman more than an ancient god, and charged Spike with a mission. “You must stop this heresy by returning and informing the researcher. He will be able to sever these ties and return Aken to us.” Her eyes narrowed. “I shall judge him for his foolishness at that time.”

“And you expect me to…what?”

“We expect you to make the correct choice.” The answer came from both the Egyptian god and the Joyce-like entity at the same time.

“Boatload of faith in me there.”

“We have weighed your heart as well, drinker of blood, and we fear not.”

~~~

“My shaman friend Khaldun owed a debt and has repaid it quite nicely. He is quite the expert in the sorts of dark magic Willow used to return you to us. He is one of the very few practicioners to have studied the Book of the Dead and the Rites of Osiris in their totality. A remarkable man.” Giles fairly glowed with Watchery joy as he recounted his successful mission.

“You look like a happy camper.” Xander grinned at the exuberant man. “You British type guys DO camp, don’t you?”

“Of course we camp!” Giles was outraged at the implied slight on his skills as an outdoorsman. “I’ll have you know that scouting was begun in Britain by Sir Robert Baden-Powell! I have many a fine memory of Brownsea Island. My patrol was among the first to have the pleasure of that fine facility after it was reopened in ’61.”

Xander threw up his hands. “I surrender to your outdoorsy mastery.” His mood turned serious then, as the reason for Giles’ trip occurred to the boy. “So can we fix…you know…anything Willow may have oopsied?”

“As it happens, Buffy was quite fortunate,” Giles gazed with fondness at the girl in question. “Yes, there needs to be a reconnection ritual performed to bind all your emotions back to you. The mending that has naturally begun on its own will be done instantly when we perform it and you will finally be in complete control of the full range of your emotions once again.” He smiled warmly at the look of relief on Buffy’s face. “There is one other issue, however, that we are not certain about. The wording used by Willow may have implications to the Slayer line. She called back the Warrior of the People, and that is, according to some, the Slayer essence itself. We aren’t really sure what sort of complication might arise from that, but it is likely to impact the Potential Slayers more than Buffy.”

“I thought the Slayer line went through Faith now?” Buffy was puzzled. “I mean, no one was called when I died this time, right?”

“As I said, we aren’t really sure what it may mean.” Giles bit his lip. He saw Buffy shuffle in unease and quickly rushed to reassure her, “Still, we are rather confident that it won’t cause a problem for you, my dear.”

“Good.” Buffy let out the breath she had been holding. “I’ve got enough problems without more getting dumped on me.”

“Really? Has something happened in my absence?”

“Spike’s disappeared.”

Giles struggled to dampen his delight in hearing this. He knew that Buffy had given her heart to the vampire and, for some astounding reason, it seemed to have helped her to heal from her trauma far more than anything short of magic. He put on his most expressionless face and inquired, “In what way do you mean disappeared? Have you had a falling out?”

“No, we were crazy happy.” Buffy felt the tears well in her eyes. “He was supposed to be at the house when I got home from the counselor’s. We were going to have dinner and just snuggle at home. He never showed and all his stuff was gone from the crypt. I haven’t been able to find any trace of him, Giles. I’m so desperate I even put in a call for Angel to see if he could sense anything--you know, from being his sire.”

“You had no argument? Spike can be quite annoying. It would be reasonable if you were to have a falling out.”

“No, like I said, we were happy.” The tears finally escaped and made a slow trickle down her face. Giles noticed for the first time the dark circles under her eyes and that Buffy had lost a bit of weight since his departure. “Spike was really cute, he was so happy. He was so domesticated, fussing around making sure I was taken care of. He has the sweetest smile when he’s happy and relaxed.” Buffy sniffed and continued to cry.

Giles was beside himself, never having been comfortable around a weeping female. “I see. Really, Buffy,” he patted her shoulder awkwardly, “Spike is not the sort to just leave if he is attached to someone. Look at the years he spent with Drusilla, for heaven’s sake. There must be a logical explanation for his disappearance and I’m sure you will have the opportunity to punish him suitably for not informing you of his plans.” He could see that he wasn’t helping. “How long has he been gone?’

“Since the Wednesday after you left,” Buffy sobbed.

“Good Lord! That is a long while to be gone without contacting you. Quite unlike Spike, I would have thought.” From the corner of his eye Giles noted the shifting eyes and shuffling movements of Xander and the Watcher had a flash of insight that the boy knew far more than he was saying. ‘Perhaps it will be better to get Buffy sorted first and question Xander in private later.’

~~~

Willow felt herself drifting, suspended in air by pure magic. She may not be the Chosen One, but she had something Buffy would never know: the feeling of real power. She felt strong enough to take on the Slayer herself--that is, if she wanted to. ‘Why do I keep having thoughts like that? Buffy is my best female friend!’

Rack looked nearly orgasmic as he fed on the energy and power that flowed through Willow from beyond. The Old Ones nourished him, making him crackle with energy and strength. Never had he a prize like Strawberry before; a treasure, she was!

‘My brothers at the Temple of Set would kill for a chance to connect like this. Soon I’ll surpass them all. I won’t just have the degree of Ipsissimus, I’ll be high priest. Aquino is going to retire soon and that cow Hardy will be no match for the power I command. The ferryman is not important, but he has let me channel the gods that DO matter.’ He gazed in affection at the little girl who had unknowingly gifted him with this opportunity. He had recognized the hitchhiker the moment he met the girl. Rack was nothing if not an opportunist. All it cost him was a bit of normal juice given to the girl and he got back far more in the process. Child had no idea what she could be capable of!

~~~

Willow’s eyes were solid black as she weaved drunkenly on her way home. She felt like she could command mountains, manage oceans. She wondered if she were actually evolving? Perhaps in the end she might attain the status of goddess! Take that, all you peons who had looked down their surgically enhanced noses at her all those years. A world full of Cordelia Chases and Harmony Kendalls would be bowing at her feet instead of making fun of her. Willow Rosenberg would be a force to be reckoned with--hell, she already was!

“Hey, Willow!” Amy hadn’t seen Willow in a few days and was eager to blow off some energy with her new best friend. “Did you just get a fill-up at Rack’s? Wanna party?”

Willow smiled with a hint of malevolence. “Paint the town red, you mean? Well, red IS my color!”

The two girls headed towards the mall. They would have at least an hour before closing time to make some mischief that would make even the dimmest citizens of Sunnydale shake in wonder.

Neither noticed the shocked observer of their conversation nor noted they were followed by an unassuming girl who watched in horror as all her worst fears were shown to be true. Tara fled the mall in tears before the two wilding witches had even begun to do their worst damage.

“I could do this all night,” Willow sighed. “It never gets old.”

“Beats running in a wheel,” Amy agreed. “Wanna find some guys and party a different way?” She took in Willow’s cocked eyebrow and sardonic look and amended, “You could find a cute chick. I’m down with either.”

“No, gonna be getting my baby back soon. Savin’ all my loving for Tara.”

“Aww, how sweet.” Amy’s voice was too saccharin to be mistaken for anything other than sarcasm.

“You know, I still have that cage,” The threat of Willow’s words were matched by the cold look in her eye.

“Hey, just kidding!”

“Thought so.” Willow turned her attention to continuing her fun. Giles would be home tonight and she would have to be more careful about her magic use if she didn’t want the old fogey breathing down her neck, trying to reign her in. ‘Jealous! He knows I outclass him in every department and I’m only a college sophomore.’ She turned a wicked grin on Amy and suggested, “Bronze?”

~~~

“I would prefer not to have Willow take part in this. Her abuse of magic is dangerous and I do not wish to engage her in any ritual or spell until she has been properly grounded.”

“Wish you’d thought of that a long time ago,” Xander muttered.

“Pardon me?”

“Nothing, Big G.” Xander ignored the snort of irritation at that nickname. “Anya knows her magic; she could help, and Tara usually drops by to check on Dawn and see if Spike’s back. She could help too.” He headed for the phone to place a call to the Magic Box, where his bride was likely still counting the day’s receipts. “If I can pry my lovely wife away from all that green, she’ll be here before you know it.”

“You really think Willow is dangerous?” Buffy cast a worried glance at her Watcher. “Spike said the same thing, you know.”

“I fear he is right yet again.” Giles wondered just when that had happened. “While in London, I called a friend of mine in Devon who has one of the most powerful and well trained covens in the Western world. Athenea has assured me that they can handle Willow, train her in the proper use of magic and self-control. I’d thought to discuss it with her later this evening.”
“Think she’ll go?”

“One can but hope, for all our sakes.”

Tara burst into the house with streaming tears. “Willow’s using magic again. She’s out with that rat girl and they don’t seem to care who gets hurt. They’re laughing and causing all kinds of trouble for innocent people! She swore she wasn’t using magic anymore!” Tara sat at the counter and lay her head on her folded arms as she wept. “I don’t think I can stand this. I was so hopeful.”

Buffy gently rubbed soothing circles on the other girls back and tried to comfort her. Tara had been one of the few people to really get her feelings for Spike. She had been so supportive. Now it was Buffy’s turn. “I’m so sorry, Tara. Giles thinks he may have a way to help Willow, so don’t give up all hope yet, okay?”

Tara, ever concerned for others, sat up and hiccupped slightly from the crying. “How about you, Buffy, you still have hope about Spike?”

“He’ll be back. Spike wouldn’t do this to me. He’d never just gut me like this and leave me to die slowly.”

Xander jumped from his seat as if on fire and made an excuse to call Anya to put a rush her arrival.

‘Yes, that boy knows something and he’s not leaving here until we all know it. I may not approve of Buffy lowering herself to care for yet another vampire, but I’ll not have her in such pain.’

Fortunately for Xander, Anya chose that perfect moment to arrive and the need to perform the small ritual took priority.

“So just a few words in some dead language and I’m all completo-girl?”

“Indeed. Magic, when used properly, is a wonderful thing,” Giles said softly.

“So when all my emotions are online again, will I die from the hurt?”

Giles looked pointedly at Xander. “I won’t stand by and see you in pain. We will do everything we can to get to the bottom of this disappearing vampire problem, won’t we, Xander?”

Giles wasn’t sure, but the response seemed to sound like “Grlp” and that needed no translation to be understood as confirmation of his biggest suspicion.

Hero's Reward 9/12

2008-05-12T14:11:02Z

A/N: From this point the story veers very off canon. A bit of dialogue comes from “Angel” (BtVS S1) by David Greenwalt

~*~
Chapter 9, Nothing Normal
~*~

“No more than two weeks, you promised,” Buffy reminded Giles. “Go see this voodoo doctor and find out what you need to do to fix me up, and then hop on the next plane home.”

Buffy was feeling happier than she could remember being in far too long. Yes, Giles was leaving to see about those empty places she still had, those numb areas, but more importantly he was coming back! Spike was waiting at home for her and that made her more content than she could have imagined. She had no trouble getting in touch with her feelings for the vampire. She had two men, both dearly loved and neither likely to leave her. ‘If you add in loyal Xander, I’ve got a full set!’

Tara had even said that Buffy’s aura was looking more complete than it had since her return. Evidently the love she was feeling and having that love returned were helping her to heal naturally from whatever connections were lacking upon her return. Where there had been gaps, there were now tenuous threads, as if she were knitting together in spite of the problems with the ritual. She had Spike to thank for that.

“It is remotely possible for that to take place, but it is far too important to leave to chance,” had been Giles’ response when Buffy suggested that his trip might not be necessary after all.

Giles and Spike were both stubborn when it came to wanting to see Buffy whole and happy. “I still think a bit of counseling would do you the world of good.” Spike had not backed down on his urging that she find someone to work on her issues, even though she was gloriously happy with him. “Not just about love, pet. You don’t have the confidence a fine woman like you should have. You don’t see yourself the way you should. Should know you’re a woman worth treasuring, keeping. You need to deal with losin’ your mum too. Had a lot dumped on you in a short time, love. No shame in talkin’ it out with someone who’s heard it all before.”

So she had agreed to see a lady Giles found who actually had an awareness of the demon population in Sunnydale and was a well-trained psychologist specializing in grief counseling.

All in all, Buffy felt she was actually moving in a forward direction for once. Her abandonment issues were flowing in her conversations with the doctor and she was beginning to see that the pattern that had haunted her was not of her own making. Like all children of divorce, Buffy had been convinced that Hank had left because of her, and every abandonment afterward merely added ‘proof’ to that assumption. The doctor was painstakingly helping her examine each incident and the reasons why her assumptions were flawed. She had even admitted that Angel had been a ‘complete and total jerk’ to leave her when he did because they couldn’t be together physically. That was a major breakthrough and Buffy had celebrated with Spike in ways that still made her limp a bit.

The sex with Spike had been beyond good. Best of all, Buffy didn’t have to hold back. He could take whatever she gave and not break. He gave as good as he got too, but what had really surprised Buffy was how tender and loving he was at the core. ‘A regular snuggle bunny.’ She grinned at the memory of waking to find Spike wrapped so tightly around her that it took a good five minutes to untangle their limbs so Buffy could get back in time to see Dawn off to school. They were still trysting at the crypt because Willow’s glowering looks could kill a mood faster than anything.

Willow was still grumbling and shooting dirty looks at both Giles and Spike whenever they were in the same room with her. She was taking their contention that there were problems with the ritual far too much as a personal criticism, in Buffy’s opinion. ‘I’m not making that big a deal about it and I’m the one she resurrected, after all!’

There was something off about Willow and now that Buffy was starting to feel a bit better about her life, it was becoming more obvious on a daily basis. Buffy was pretty sure that Willow was still abusing magic, even though she couldn’t prove it. There was something sly about the way Willow acted when Tara was around, calculated and not natural at all. It gave Buffy the wiggins. Willow went off a lot by herself and Buffy had no idea whom she was with, but it certainly wasn’t Tara. When she came back from her mystery trips, she was in a wired daze. There were vibes that came off her that caused the little hairs to stand up on Buffy’s arms if she were in the same room with Willow upon her return.

Giles’ conversation broke into Buffy’s musings. “I shall do my best to bring that book back for Dawn as well. There is scant information on those monks that formed her, but what the Council has should be accessible.”

“I don’t blame her for wanting some clue about those guys. Now that she’s just a normal teenage girl, it’s probably safe for her to look into it. I guess it’s like being adopted and wanting to know something about where you came from.”

They had a little time before Giles’ flight was to leave and were sitting in the coffee bar making small talk. For once, it didn’t seem forced. Everything had become so much easier since she had admitted her feelings for and to Spike. Life was looking up.

“Did you like Dr. Tanner? She did come highly recommended.”

“She’s nice and really pretty. I think she gets what pressure I’ve been under. Losing Mom so unexpectedly and having to be mom to Dawnie all at once are heavy stressors, she said. Of course I left out all the parts about Glory and dying myself, but it has helped to talk.”

“I must say I am impressed that Spike was the one to think of this need for someone to help you sort things. One wouldn’t expect a vampire to even remember the emotional needs of a human.”

“Spike never stopped remembering what being a human is like; we should have seen that all along. He could see how crushing it all was and instead of that making him do the happy dance, he wanted to help. He loves me and he loved Mom too.”

“Yes, well, be that as it may, it is commendable that this unsouled demon has been this supportive. I really need to think about the implications. In the meantime, as long as he treats you well, I won’t attempt to rain on your parade, as they say.”

Buffy hugged Giles hard and long as he rose to answer the call for boarding. He would come around, she just knew it!

~~~

For once, Xander was happy that Anya loved her job as much as she did. She hadn’t minded the shortness of their honeymoon in the least, being eager to return to the Magic Box and all her customers and their money. “I just know Giles is practically giving away the store. He is a wonderful man but has no real sense of business at all! Why, he was buying newt feet from a G’brinza who was charging him at least four times what they’re worth! I found suppliers that increased his profit margin a good twenty percent. Goddess have mercy, but I just can’t be gone that long, honey.”

The trip to the bed and breakfast overlooking the Pacific had been short and the weekend long. All in all, it was a perfect way to start their marriage. Xander had been expecting to have to use most of his savings for a fancy honeymoon at Niagara Falls, a trip Anya wanted but was willing to wait for until someone she trusted could be found to run the store. Since his new wife didn’t seem to think anyone else had her abilities at money making, Xander was pretty sure he’d have plenty of time to save up.

Now back on the job himself, he was feeling pretty good about things when Willow showed up bringing lunch and a mission.

“It is just disgusting! He’s a mass murderer and he’s hanging around like he belongs there among decent people. She lets him have a say where Dawn is concerned too. He’s a terrible influence on both of them. You remember what happened with Angel. There is just no good to come from this.”

Willow could see that while Xander might agree in principle, he wasn’t planning to interfere with Buffy’s love life any time soon. Taking a breath, she changed course in her argument. “Look, I’ve been a little on edge since everyone started questioning me. As if I’d ever do anything to hurt Buffy! I admit the ritual didn’t exactly go perfectly, with the demon bikers smashing into the circle and all. I’m even willing to admit that there might be a few things that were less than perfect because of that. So if Buffy isn’t really herself, how can it be anything but manipulation on Spike’s part to move in on her now when she’s vulnerable. I mean, do you really think she would have decided she was in love with Spike before she died? If she claimed to love any vampire, it would be Angel. And weren’t we all a little sick of that old song?”

“You have a point, many points even, but what can we do about it? Like Giles said, Buffy’s a big girl.”

“We can have a little talk with Spike,” Willow suggested. “Let him know we’re on to him and that any thoughts he has of this being a long term victory is wrong and not happening. We let him know that Buffy isn’t unprotected.”

Xander thought about that for a moment and nodded. “Okay, can’t fault friends for that. I’m in. When are you planning this little visit?”

“I was thinking this evening while Buffy is at her counselors. Dawn is planning to go to a movie with Tara, and Spike will probably be hanging out at our house.” Her expression was sour at that thought.

“I’ll be there.

‘Good! That will give me a chance to pay another visit to Rack for a recharge before the fun starts.’ Willow smiled and nearly whistled on her way home.

~~~

Spike sipped his warmed blood and glanced at the local paper. “Amazin’ how these morons can take a Grappler demon on rampage and turn it into a domestic dispute! The lot of ‘em are too stupid to live.”

The door creaked as Willow entered, “Gonna need to oil that, I suppose,” Spike complained.
“So you’re the handyman around the house now?” Xander snarked.

“Buffy doesn’t need to keep calling on the happy honeymooner, yeah. Know my way around minor repairs,” Spike glowered at the boy who had been such a thorn in his side over the years but had been relatively silent with objections lately.

“Buffy’s our friend and we’ll take care of her,” Xander postured. “You’re just a short term Angel wannabe.” Looked like the gloves were off.

“That so?” Spike looked as dangerous as he ever had as the Big Bad. “Maybe you should ask Buffy ‘bout that. Seem to me like I’m the one here and the bloody Poof’s in LA being mysterious and brooding. You’re still years behind in Buffy’s maturin’ if you think she’s still carryin’ a torch for my sire.”

“We’re here to tell you that you won’t get away with taking advantage of Buffy like this. She’s vulnerable and not thinking clearly. Giles might be willing to just wait for her to get fixed, but we’re not buying,” Xander was starting to remember how much he didn’t like the bleached wonder.

Spike had the balls to laugh in the boy’s face. “I’m thinkin’ the one not in his clear mind right now might just be you, pup. Buffy loves me. She’s on the mend. Get used to it.”

The quiet witch exuded power and menace but had not spoken until now. “You’re pretty good at moving in and making all kinds of decisions--about Buffy, about Dawn, about my abilities as a witch. You’re just full of opinions, aren’t you, Spike?” In fact, Willow was looking kinda scary with streaks of black in her flame hair.

“As it happens, my opinion’s actually wanted. As for your abilities, I can’t think of a one of your spells that didn’t go balls up at some point,” Spike challenged. “Cookies can’t fix all the messes you’ve made and that’s not my opinion, that’s fact.”

Her eyes became large black orbs and a malevolent sneer formed on her lips. “Send this one to realms away. Leave no trace to find his way. Remove!” Willow’s eyes were ink black and dark veins stood out on her too pale skin as Xander looked on in horror.

Spike had barely vanished before the carpenter broke out in a cold sweat of fear. “Holy Frijoles! Um…Will…this wasn’t what I signed on for. I thought we were just going to talk, scare the vamp. Now I’m kinda the one scared. Buffy’s gonna kill us!”

Willow turned slowly towards her oldest friend and gave him a smile that reminded him of the heart-stealing ghouls from a few years past. “Do you have a problem with my solution, Xander?”

“NO!” Xander wouldn’t have a problem with anything Willow wanted to do or say as long as she was looking like this! “No problems here. We might have some with Buffy later though.”

“Buffy’s used to men leaving her. She’ll deal. She even has a counselor now,” Willow coldly reasoned. “Vampires are fairly fickle, after all.”

Xander was in full panic mode now. Clearly his friend was not the sweet, shy girl he remembered from childhood and where did she get all that scary dark mojo? As touchy as Willow had been when anyone questioned her use of magic, Xander wasn’t about to raise any issues about a vanished vampire. Still, he just knew that it was all going to hit the fan when Buffy found out what Willow had done. ‘Should I bite the bullet and just tell her right away? No, I just got married, I need all my parts, and either Buffy or Willow will remove some if I open my mouth.’

Willow had returned to her normal look save for the Cheshire cat grin that was now plastered on her face. “Well, that takes care of that little problem. I suppose the smart thing to do would be to go by his crypt and move some things so it looks like he’s done what all of Buffy’s boyfriends do and moved on. Moving day, Xan,” she sing-songed.

~~~

“Fuck!” Spike was slightly dizzy and felt as if he’d been pulled several directions all at once.

“Language, William!” For all the rebuke, there was also amusement in the gentle voice.

Once his eyes adjusted, he noticed he was back in the mist again with the ‘Not-Joyce’ being.

“And here we just spent considerable energy diverting you back here!” she chastised. “One would think you would be a bit grateful at least. That was a truly nasty dimension the witch had planned for your destination.”

“Red’s off her bloody rocker!”

“More like not in the driver’s seat,” the being clarified. “You have done well in taking care of your Slayer. Congratulations!”

“Not gonna do me any good here in gauzy land. Need to get back to Buffy,” Spike looked about with slight panic. ‘What if these buggers decide that’s that and I don’t get a third shot at a life with her?’

“We wouldn’t do that Spike. This was to be a hero’s reward, remember?”

Spike jumped slightly when his unvoiced thought was answered.

“There are things you will need to know, however. As you have already surmised, things are different now. New paths are opening and we would not have you make grave errors that would result in tragedy.”

“Wouldn’t want that, no.” Spike was pretty sure he didn’t want to relive the FE or see Buffy so beleaguered as she had been that last year. “What’s up with Willow then if she’s not in control?”

“That is not your mission to fix. The Watcher will sort that out well and then take measures necessary to help the girl. It was his responsibility all along to mentor her gift, especially as he knows full well from his own misspent youth what great power in an immature mind and insecure heart can lead to. He should have been concerned long before now.” The being frowned in disapproval. “No, Buffy is your concern and you have done well by her. She is healing and will be stronger for it.”

“Yeah, makes a difference havin’ that moral compass they always went on about.” Spike admitted. It had been worth those trials in Africa to ensure he would know the right things to do and say where his beloved was concerned.

“You speak of the soul you won back in the first timeline.” Spike didn’t like the slight grin on the being’s face.

“Wasn’t easy winnin’ it, nearly didn’t make it. Me mum used to say anything worth having comes hard. Same with that, I suppose.”

“What makes you think the soul still abides in you?”

Spike blinked rapidly in confusion. Fear began to build a pit of fire in his belly at the implications. “Wanna explain that question? Nice and slow, ‘cause I really wanna follow your answer.”

“You inhabit the physical body of the vampire you were at the time you are now living. That body did not house a soul; neither do you now.”

“Wait, you’re sayin’ I lost it somewhere? Damned thing was supposed to be permanent, not go walkies like the Poof’s!”

“You’ve lost nothing and your soul is far from damned. It resides in a peaceful and safe place for the now.”

“You better bloody well give it back. Earned it, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did at that, but we cannot allow you access to it now unless you wish to bring about the same horrors that befell your Buffy and all her town the last time.”

Spike was now in a blind panic. ‘No wonder I had so much trouble doin’ what I wanted found it hard stayin’ away from Buffy! God, I could try to rape her again or worse without the bleedin’ thing. What the hell kind of choice is this to put Buffy at risk from me or relivin’ the stuff from the FE?’

“Your fears will be relieved and questions answered. Calm yourself, vampire, and be still.”

“But it was Buffy’s resurrection that brought out the FE. That eyeball demon told the Watcher that was the reason. Me bein’ all soul havin’ won’t hurt that and I can avoid it triggerin’ me this time.”

“I said to be still. Do not make us force your compliance with that. You should learn patience, vampire; you are certainly old enough to have developed that sort of control. Many of your plans would have gone so much more smoothly had you but been patient.” The being chuckled at that thought. “Of course it is to our benefit that they did not.”

“We told you when you were first here that Angel is the vampire with the prophecy for the Shanshu. In the proper time he will have his sins washed clean and will be given life again. As long as he remains a vampire, however, he MUST remain a vampire with a soul. To release Angelus would be to release a maelstrom of disaster upon the world. Only one souled vampire may exist, however, for the balance to be maintained. This balance was lost when you fought for and won your own soul.”

“You see, that was the important part of it--you sought it. It was not a curse that was done to you. For a warrior of evil to CHOOSE to change sides was unexpected and unheard of! Angel fights on the side of good now only because of that soul and a mistake made by Whistler that led him from despair to the hope of salvation. He had spent a century in regret, convinced that one day he would reap the hell he had sown. He avoided humans but did little actual good. The First Evil was not awakened by his actions.

“When he first was brought to the Slayer, he helped but was…shall we say…less than proactive. He delivered information and warnings for the most part. The few battles he engaged in were minor really, even if they did serve to allow the girl to live and grow. Then he lost that soul.

“When he returned, he was more of an active force for good and that finally drew the attention of the First Evil and it was permitted a limited foray into the world. It was allowed to tempt the souled vampire, to try to lead him to destroy himself to prevent harming the Slayer he had grown to love. With help from us, the First Evil failed in that attempt. Angel’s decision to leave took him out of the main battleground and that served to fix the balance again. Then came you….”

Spike ventured a comment, “But I thought it was Buffy’s return….”

“In the sense that her return led to your flawed relationship and that led you to get your soul…yes, her return DID start that mystical ball rolling. BUT the real trigger was a dark warrior changing sides in a permanent way--your soul. Now one souled vampire had already been factored into the balance, especially as the prophecy makes it clear that his ultimate side has yet to be determined. There cannot be two souled vampires fighting on the side of good. The balance is even more precarious with the break in the Slayer line. It cannot hold with more disruption. No, you may not have your soul unless and until Angel Shanshus or dusts.”

“So then I could go back and see Lurky, get back what’s mine?”

“You will not need to fight for it again. It will be returned permanently if you but ask, but NOT until you will be the only souled vampire in the world, not before.”

“What about between now and then?” Spike really was worried. Before the soul, he had truly believed that he would never have hurt Buffy or Dawn, but he had. Only with the soul did he learn to make choices, the right choices.

“You’ve done quite well without it thus far.”

“We’ve all been lucky, that’s all.”

“Luck plays no part in it. You have focused on others rather than yourself and that has helped you make wise choices. You have opened your heart to those other people that surround you and not limited your caring to Buffy and her sister. Your capacity to love was what attracted our attention long ago--you needed no soul for that!”

Spike was speechless. Here was a representative of The Powers giving permission for an unsouled demon to be with their Chosen One! “Still got the chip. Guess that’ll be okay.”

The Joyce-like being laughed, “That bit of hardware served its purpose the first year you had it! You do not need sharp pains to prevent you from resorting to your baser instincts. You always had good control of your demon even before that chip and now having expanded your view of humans and your ability to love them and care about them, the control will be even better. Besides, even the demon loves Buffy and would not wish to displease her!”

Spike knew the truth of that. All that he was adored his Slayer and all that made him who he was would willingly dust before seeing her hurt ever again. Even when she inevitably died, the knowledge that she might be ‘up there’ watching would keep him on the straight and narrow.

~~~

“His stuff is gone! Not the furniture, but all his personal stuff.” Buffy was beside herself.

“What did you do?” Dawn’s voice was harsh in accusation.

“Nothing, I swear. We were happy. He was happy and so was I.”

“Happy guys don’t hit the road. What did you do, call him evil and disgusting again?” Dawn had clearly heard more than Buffy had ever guessed over the years.

“NO!” Buffy was torn between terror that Spike had gone like every other man she had given her heart to and confusion that came from knowing, REALLY knowing, that he had been happy.
Just the night before Giles had left for London, Spike had confided that she was the first. She was the first human he had ever made love to and, more importantly, no other woman had ever actually loved him in return. As a human, his love had been rejected, and with Dru he had always been a pale second choice to Angel. Buffy had spent hours proving that he was not second to anyone with her and was sure she had proven it well. Judging by the look of pure joy followed by utter contentment on Spike’s face, she had confidence.

Coming home from a great session with Dr. Tanner, Buffy had been filled with insights to share with her love, only to find the house dark and empty. She had waited for him for hours before heading to the crypt, convinced that they had gotten their wires crossed. She was sure she had told him that Dawn wouldn’t be home and they could be together at home instead of Spike’s version of a bachelor pad with lots of lawn. But he wasn’t at the crypt either and all of his personal belongings were missing as well.

“This can’t be happening. Not now, not him!” Buffy was rapidly going into meltdown. “He’d never hurt me that way. He’s the one who said I needed the counselor. Why would he pick the one thing to do that would destroy me?”

Willow had been listening from the doorway. “Maybe that was the plan all along, Buffy. Didn’t Angel say he told Spike the only way to kill you was to love you? Maybe he was just waiting to get you really believing he did so that he could pull the rug from under you. He IS an evil vampire and he can’t just kill you--even though the chip doesn’t work on you--without someone staking him.” She shook her head sadly and put an arm around Buffy in false sympathy. “Sounds like the perfect plan to me. Looks like Spike was aiming to get his third Slayer after all.”

“That’s just crazy,” Dawn insisted while Buffy remained silent. “Why would he have stuck around all summer when Buffy was dead if he didn’t love her and me? That just doesn’t make any sense. Of course he loves us.”

Willow had her back to the teen, so Dawn didn’t see the eyeroll and look of annoyance from the witch. “I can’t explain Spike, Dawnie. If you can think of some other reason why he’d leave town, then I hope you’ll share it, because your big sister is really hurting.”

No one had any answers, at least no one who was willing to share.

~~~

“So you see it took me forever to admit I had feelings for him. I was really hateful too, said terrible things.” Buffy had gone through half a box of tissue and showed no signs of stopping soon.

“From all you’ve told me I have to admit that it appears to make no sense whatsoever,” Dr. Tanner handed Buffy yet another tissue. “Are you certain your boyfriend didn’t leave some kind of word, a note perhaps, that might have been misplaced? Maybe a family emergency called him away. You really mustn’t jump to conclusions.”

“But they all leave,” Buffy wailed. “I thought he’d be different. His last girlfriend was a real nut case. She didn’t even love him back, but he stayed with her for a century.”
Dr. Tanner gave her a skeptical look.

“Okay, a real long time…seemed like a century,” Buffy amended. The good doctor might be more supernaturally aware than the average Sunnydale resident, but Buffy wasn’t about to admit her boyfriend was a vampire born in the Victorian age! She’d probably think Buffy needed to be locked up, even if she DID believe her. Vampires were just not good boyfriend material in the eyes of any reasonable person. The last thing Buffy wanted was another forced stay in one of those places.

“You cannot lump all men into the same category. Let’s talk this through, shall we?” Dr. Tanner turned back in her notebook to previous conversations. “Let’s start with this Pike from your high school in Los Angeles.”

“He and I broke up when my parents broke up.” Buffy left out that she had pushed him away rather than see him get hurt in her nightly fights against evil. He had fought well there at Hemery but liked it too much, rather like Owen her first year in Sunnydale.

“I believe you concluded in that session that it was likely the stress of your home life problems that led to that relationship ending, correct?”

“Yeah, stress.” Buffy remembered the bad boy roaring off on his motorcycle, vowing to continue fighting the monsters with or without her. She had not heard from him again and only hoped he was still alive out there somewhere.

“The biggest source of your romantic woes was the next boy, Angel, correct?”

Buffy nearly laughed at Angel being referred to as a boy. “Yeah, Angel. I thought he was the love of my life, all mysterious and handsome and…I don’t know…mature, I guess. He read all these important books and had been so many places, done so many things. He knew so much about everything and was always there to make me feel safe.”

“He was much older? I can’t remember the age difference you said there was.”

“A lot older, yes.” Buffy caught the look on the doctor’s face and amended, “Not ‘creepy old guy’ older, just older. I was fifteen when I met him and he was out of school, but he’d seen me before and fell in love right away.”

“Really?” Doctor Tanner had doubts about his not being a ‘creepy old guy.’ “So he saw you and I believe you said he began to follow you around?”

“You make it sound icky, but it wasn’t like that!” Buffy was suddenly very defensive. “Angel was good! He was watching out for me, that’s all.”

“He had no real conversation with you, didn’t really know you, had merely seen you and was worried enough to follow you about?”

“Wow, you make it seem really perverted. It truly wasn’t!”

“All right. So tell me all about your relationship. How did it develop?”

Buffy was quiet as she thought back to those years of angst. She tried to pinpoint ways that the love had grown and realized how she really hadn’t seen Angel as a love interest until that conversation in the Bronze with Willow.

~~
Willow smiled at the spacey blonde. “You lack a guy.”

“I do,” Buffy replied, “Which is fine with me, most of the time, but….”

“What about Angel?” Willow had noted the looks the handsome older guy had been giving her best girlfriend.

Buffy was startled. “Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month.'” She giggled.

Willow agreed, “He's not around much, it's true.”

She still remembered the romantic haze of youth as she imagined Angel being more than clue-dropping guy. “When he is around…it’s like the lights dim everywhere else. You know how it’s like that with some guys?”
~~

“Sound like a lovely infatuation to me. Many relationships begin that way. Tell me how this love developed beyond that?”

Try as she might, Buffy really didn’t have many answers. There was so much of the yearning and the pain and the forbidden but not much of the learning and growing and accepting. Then there was Angelus.

When Buffy finished talking about those hard years and their few meetings since Angel had left town, she was beginning to wonder just what it was she had been clinging to for so long. Angel wouldn’t even like the person she was becoming, this woman so different from the happy-go-lucky young girl he had known. From the few things she had heard about Angel’s choices since moving to ‘his town,’ she was pretty sure she wouldn’t like some of his changes either. Even if it was a law firm headed by demons, it wasn’t right to lock a bunch of lawyers in with Darla and Dru! That had been a shock when the story got back to her. She was also finally able to see that it was far more than Angel’s unstable soul that had caused them to part.

“I didn’t drive him away!” She looked at the doctor like a deer in the headlights. It was epiphany time. “He chose to leave me for his own reasons, really. He said it was for me, but it wasn’t. He was running away from humanity again, from himself.”

“And what is Spike like? Why would he leave?”

Buffy thought hard, going over everything she knew to be true of Spike. “He wouldn’t! Doctor, you’re right; he wouldn’t just leave. Not now. Something had to have happened and I need to find out what.”

Hero's Reward 8/12

2008-05-12T14:08:15Z

A/N: Keeping this one PG-13 or R at the highest rating. Only hinting at NC-17 material. Some dialogue from “Hells Bells” by Rebecca Rand Kirshner

~*~
Chapter 8, Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed….
~*~

Oh, they all knew all right. While Buffy was busy reassuring Spike that she A. hadn’t lost her mind; B. was quite serious; and C. was fully sure she didn’t need any more time to think it through, Riley had dropped by Xander’s on his way out of town to drop the bomb. By the time she got back home, everyone was there already and all ready to pounce on her.

“But, Buffy,” Xander began, “You haven’t even adjusted to being back yet. How can you suddenly know you love SPIKE? I mean, this just sounds like more proof that the spell thing went really wrong. Giles said not all of you made the return trip. I’m thinking good sense is one of those things that missed the bus.”

“Xander,” Buffy sighed impatiently, “I know what I feel. That’s just it. Spike makes me feel. Since the night I came back he’s the one that made me comfortable, never asked me to pretend. He just accepted me and helped if I asked. I don’t just love him; I’ve learned to like and appreciate him too. I started to look at him differently the night I told him about my mom being sick. He was so sympathetic and kind. Little things just kept happening to show he was trying, and even though it didn’t seem like it, I did notice. You all saw what he went through protecting Dawn and me from Glory!”

“Will!” Xander grabbed at the witch’s arm tightly. “Come on, you have to sense something wrong here, some left over mojo that went kerplooie.”

“You’d have to ask Giles.” Willow glared. “He seems to think I messed up when I obviously didn’t. Buffy’s problem is that she’s been brainwashed by that pile of walking dust she’s been spending all her downtime with, that’s all.”

“Hey, watch what you say about Spike,” Dawn leveled a threat-filled stare at her sister’s friends. “He saved both your lives and Anya’s and Tara’s and even Giles’ when Buffy was dead, and he had nothing to gain from it. If Buffy loves him, maybe that’s part of the why.”

Buffy smiled at Dawn and had to agree, “Yes, that is a part of why, but while I’ve been trying to work out just what I feel, I realized that I was starting to kinda love him even before I died. This is just a natural progression.”

She looked pleadingly at her disapproving Watcher. “Not part of the ‘Buffy’s messed up’ part, but the ‘Buffy’s gonna be okay’ part. So yay me. Remember how I was so afraid I couldn’t love, Giles?”

The Watcher reluctantly nodded at the memory.

“You took me out there to meet the tribal queen and get some answers. I got so stuck on the ‘death is your gift’ and then dying that I forgot all about the rest. She told me that I pull away from love and that I had to risk the pain, that I had to forgive and that love would bring me my gift. Then she went on about death and then everything else happened so fast. I think she may have meant Spike.” Buffy was looking straight at Giles and saw him squirm at the thought that he had helped her arrive at this conclusion to her love dilemma.

“I mean, it fits. It makes even more sense than ‘hey you’re wondering if you can love and if you’ll ever be loved, so go jump off a tower.’ That didn’t make lots of sense if you think about it.” Buffy really wanted this third degree to be over so she could go to her room and remember the pole-axed look on Spike’s face as her admission sank in. She hadn’t been able to stay as long as she wanted to, because she knew the villagers would be coming with pitchforks and fire if she didn’t head them off at the pass herself. She had reluctantly left Spike, with his mouth still gaping in amazement, after a quick kiss and promise of further discussion and kissage later.

“I think it makes lots of sense,” Tara offered. “Spike has changed so much and, if we stop holding his past against him all the time, you have to admit that he’s done lots of good. Forgiveness is hard but not impossible.”

“You were never hit over the head and threatened by the undead menace,” Xander pointed out.

“No, but from what Willow told me about that, I was more surprised Spike didn’t just kill you then. If he were so terribly evil and beyond forgiving and change, he would have.” Tara quirked her brow in challenge. “A desperate, drunken, unchipped vampire hit you and knocked you out, then carried you to his lair and just laid you down without even taking a drink. That’s not exactly the stuff of horror novels.”

“Don’t forget the bottle,” Willow sidled up to Xander to bolster his side of the discussion. “Not very non-threatening there.”

“True, but again, he never even gave you a surface cut, did he?” Tara drew in a breath and decided she wasn’t going to back down on this. She had seen the light back in Buffy’s eyes, the light that had been missing since her return, and now that she knew why it was there, she was going to make sure no one snuffed it out again. They had done wrong in going along with Willow, she more than the others because she knew witchcraft well enough to know the dangers and yet had remained silent about bringing the Slayer back into such misery. No, she owed it to Buffy to support her in her choice. “Really none of this is even our business. Buffy says she loves Spike. Buffy LOOKS like a woman in love and at peace. We love Buffy. The end result is we should be happy for her and not try to tell her how to live, especially since we’re the ones who made her have to live again.”

There was utter silence as everyone digested Tara’s words. Clearly Xander and Willow still had objections, but this time they kept them to themselves. Giles at least appeared to be weighing the words. Perhaps his love for his charge would win out in the end and the unusual couple would find some support there as well. Tara could but hope.

~~~

Spike couldn’t believe what he had heard. Her whisper of a kiss and vow to return later merely added to the feeling of unreality. Buffy loved him! All the sex and pain of the first time had never led the girl to those feelings, and yet this time she was reassuring him that she had started to feel them before her death! It made no sense to him. He had fully expected to help her heal and then watch as one day she rode off into the sunset with some normal guy…or, in his worst nightmares, the Mighty Poof…anyone getting the girl except him! He had merely wanted to do right by her this time, no trying to draw her into the dark or the horrors that came later.

At first he had thought she was saying what she did to show Captain Cardboard that his moving on hadn’t hurt her. Then he thought it was frustration that he had been turning down her advances. He knew she was lusting after him heavily; he could smell it on her. Buffy had claimed that none of those doubts were worthy. She had actually thought her feelings through and was speaking from her heart and her mind when she said she loved him. Could he dare believe her? Could he survive it if she was wrong or misguided? Could he go on if she changed her mind?

Spike would never have expected that a vampire could actually go into shock, but he knew that was the state that best described his condition at the moment. Buffy had dropped that flower soft kiss on his lips and said she would be back, then slid into the night before he could so much as shake himself back to sensibility once more. The crypt door was still standing open from her exit.

She had said something about getting home to tell Dawn before anyone else did. Dawn didn’t despise him in this time period. In fact, Spike liked to think she’d be happy with Buffy’s news. The Watcher would likely be by soon with threats and sharpened wood. As for the witch and Harris, well, he didn’t want to think of what Buffy would have to put up with when she broke the news to them--provided she was going to break the news to them. ‘Didn’t exactly say much to them last time round. Might want me to be her dark secret this time too.’

Could it be possible that in seeking Buffy’s own good he would find his happiness in the end? Was it ever that simple for him? He trembled at the possible outcomes of this night’s revelation.

He was in new territory now. Everything had just changed. Maybe Buffy would get that counseling he had suggested for all her issues and she’d be talked back into her right mind and he’d be out in the cold once more. ‘Be my luck to get the girl only to lose her because of my own advice.’ No, Buffy’s problems had been there before she got involved with him the last time. She had to deal with losing her mum, losing Angel--hell, all the men who’d mattered to her. Maybe Giles coming back had helped heal some of that already. Lots had changed, after all. She wasn’t getting her soul sucked dry at the Doublemeat either. All the advantages he had coming from the future just went up in a puff of smoke as he realized he had no clue where things were headed now.

“Gonna have to walk carefully from here on. No benefit of hindsight to make the decisions and just following my blood won’t do it either. Gonna have to force myself to think things through.” He sighed in frustration and fear, “Shit! Ask me to kill somethin’, I’m good at that. Not so good with thinkin’ things through. Oh balls, I’m bloody buggered!”

~~~

“See, now you’ll have to include Spike in the wedding party. If he and Buffy are a couple, he’ll want to escort her down the aisle as a groomsman.” Anya prattled on about the parts of the revelation that mattered to her. “He’ll look nice in a tux and at least he’s not a hard-to-fit size like Riley would have been.”

“I don’t want Spike walking Buffy down anything, and certainly not our aisle. Blrrrrrgh!” Xander shuddered at the image of the Slayer and vampire taking part in any wedding ceremony, much less his own.

“Don’t be silly, this has been coming for ages.” Anya couldn’t believe how dense her beloved could be. “You could feel the sexual tension for miles around them. I’m just glad Buffy will be having regular orgasms now. Maybe she won’t be mad at us for bringing her back again and we can all move on from that unpleasant memory.”

Xander felt torn in half. He truly wanted Buffy to be happy. He had moved on with Anya from his early crush on the Slayer, had been delighted when it looked like she might have found Mr. Right in Riley Finn even. Still, it had been such a disaster with Angel. Vampires were bad news--evil and not able to be trusted. Even before Angel lost his soul, there had been something ‘off’ about him with Buffy, something more than just jealousy that made Xander hate the thought of them together. Spike was way worse. He was an evil, disgusting dead thing! Buffy had to be under a thrall or a spell of some kind. Maybe Giles was right and she came back wrong. He’d have to talk to Willow after the wedding, sort it all out, fix it.

“So did your mother finally accept that I come from a circus family?” Anya had been fairly impressed with Xander’s lie that served to explain the odd-looking group of friends that Anya had converging on the town for her wedding.

“Actually, yeah. Helps growing up in Sunnydale, that little known Egyptian city on the very banks of the Nile.” Xander smiled winningly at his bride-to-be. “Of course, if you hadn’t decided to invite every demon you ever knew to the wedding, we wouldn’t have had to explain a thing to anyone.”

“Xander, you can’t just wipe out over a thousand years of life and friendship just because it isn’t convenient at the moment! I have friends that would have been really hurt if I hadn’t invited them to share my special day. Would you have felt right if I asked you to tell Willow not to come because her moods have been making my skin twitch for months now? No, you would not. She’s your best friend and even if she has never been very nice to me, I welcome her because of you.” Anya nodded, quite pleased with her graciousness and benevolence. “I even agreed that she could be your Best Person, although I doubt that’s true in any way lately.”

“Point, except for that last bit. You have to admit it was kinda weird seeing my Cousin Carol making a pass at Krelvin at the rehearsal dinner. Although,” he continued after some consideration, “He would be a step up from the guys she usually goes for.”

“Krelvin is actually quite successful in his line of work. Carol could do lots worse, I agree.”

“Okay, this is just starting to creep me out a bit. Ex-demons and humans, I’m down with, marrying them even, but the whole Kumbaya feelings about demons of the not-so-ex variety and humans…I don’t know.”

“Some demon species have been marrying humans forever--very happily too, I might add. You need to broaden your view. So typical of someone who grew up in a small town and never ventured far!” Anya said disapprovingly. “In big cities you see lots of mixed marriages and no one thinks a thing of it! There are plenty of half-breeds here in Sunnydale too, but I doubt you know anything about the demon community right here in your home town.”

“Community? There’s a community now?”

“There always has been, you dope!” Anya was amazed at the blind spots the human population of Sunnydale had when it came to their own fellow citizens. “How to you think demons buy and sell? Why isn’t there more demon-on-demon violence? Of course there’s a community, businesses, even a certain amount of government. Most demons don’t want humans just killing them all off, for the love of Pete! Just look at Willy’s to see how they pick places where no one goes on a rampage but can drink in peace. For that matter, Willy’s is a good example of how they get along with some humans.”

“So our wedding going to be one of those ‘no violence’ zones?”

“Naturally!” Anya rolled her eyes at the silly question. “I want lots of dancing on my perfect day, not a bunch of brawls. I have to say some of the guests I invited were more than a little put off at my having the Slayer in my wedding party, but I explained that Buffy was not planning on any bloodletting on my big day. Her bringing Spike as her date will actually help calm some nerves.”

“I’m telling you there will be no dating of Spike by Buffy,” Xander began again.

“You aren’t her father. Neither is Giles, for that matter.” Anya tried yet another hair arrangement, trying to decide just what look flattered her gown the most and promptly forgot the entire discussion. “I’m thinking curls.”

~~~

Buffy was worried when she saw the crypt door still standing wide open, just as she had left it. She nearly expected to see Spike standing where she had left him too, even though it had been several hours since she headed for the blow-up on Revello. Spike was sitting and staring straight ahead of him at nothing--or nothing Buffy could see at least. His usually expressive face was blank.

“Hey,” she spoke softly, but it still caused a start in the vampire. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you. Door’s open. Not such a good idea, do you think?”

“Didn’t notice,” Spike looked like he’d been wakened from a deep sleep. “So you’re back then.”

Buffy smiled broadly. “Can’t put anything past you tonight! I told you I’d be back after I had a little talk with Dawn. Riley beat me to it though, and well, you can imagine the little scene that caused. Took me a while to make sure everyone knew my love life isn’t a democratic process and then get back here to you.”

Spike had bitten his lip in trepidation at the words ‘love life’ and he raised his eyes to stare into hers. “So I didn’t just dream all that up then. You…,” he closed his eyes and savored the feeling of the words, “you’ve decided you…,” he couldn’t bring himself to finish the statement.

“Love you,” Buffy finished for him. “Yes, Spike, I, Buffy Anne Summers, love you, William the Bloody, also known as Spike, also known as the Slayer of Slayers. I really don’t know how to get more specific than that.” She laughed lightly, “Wow, I’m usually the one who’s no good with words while you hear things I don’t say, and now I have the right words and you’ve developed a hearing problem.”

“I hear, just having trouble wrapping my brain around it’s all,” Spike admitted. “Havin’ everythin’ I ever wanted just handed to me without a fight’s somethin’ I never…lots of things I never.” He looked at her as if she were every good and lovely thing that had ever existed. “’Cept for my mum, no one’s ever….” He closed his suspiciously wet eyes. “Takes some getting’ used to’s all. Half afraid you’ll change your mind, or those friends of yours will shake some sense into you, and I’m just not sure I can handle that.”

“No changing, no shaking.” She sat down next to Spike on the loveseat and looked him in the eye. “I told you it started before I died. I really don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t jumped and was brought back like I was, but I do know this isn’t something that I’m just starting to feel. Just starting to admit, yeah, but feel? Nope. You kinda grow on a girl.” She tapped his arm playfully.

“After you pushed me away,” Buffy continued, “I started to see that you really care about me, not just getting in my pants like Xander is always saying. If you really care that much that you’d turn down what you want to be sure things are right for me…well, that’s love isn’t it? Putting someone else and their needs above your own? I guess I saw that in the way you were with Dru too. I had to do a lot of thinking and then it all fell into place finally. I was going to tell you on my birthday, give myself a present, but it all went crazy as usual.”
A moment of insecurity born of her romantic history reared its head. “You DO still want me, don’t you?” she fairly whispered. “I’m not too late?”

Spike ran trembling fingers through her soft hair as he drew her close to his breast and gently spoke, his tone honeyed and deep.

“At last, when all the summer shine
That warmed life's early hours is past,
Your loving fingers seek for mine
And hold them close at last at last!
Not oft the robin comes to build
Its nest upon the leafless bough
By autumn robbed, by winter chilled,
But you, dear heart, you love me now.”

“You write poetry?” Buffy was awed.

“I write doggerel. That’s just a poem I once read by Elizabeth Akers Allen, an American poet. It’s called ‘At Last’.”

“More, please.” Buffy snuggled deeper into his embrace as he continued.

“Though there are shadows on my brow
And furrows on my cheek, in truth,
The marks where Time's remorseless plough
Broke up the blooming sward of Youth,”

He dropped a kiss on her brow and jumped ahead,

“Despite my sad and faded face,
And darkened heart, you love me now!

I count no more my wasted tears;
They left no echo of their fall;
I mourn no more my lonesome years;
This blessed hour atones for all.
I fear not all that Time or Fate
May bring to burden heart or brow,
Strong in the love that came so late,
Our souls shall keep it always now!”

“So I’m not too late? You still love and want me?” Buffy hated the ‘little lost girl’ sound to her voice.

“Buffy, I’ll love you ‘til I’m dust and then beyond, and want you every moment ‘til then.” His voice shook with emotion.

His lips met hers in sacred union as he shared all that he felt for her in any and all lifetimes--past, present and future. Her response was all he could have dared hope. The tenderness of this communion quickly ignited the embers of raw passion they had both been suppressing for so long and hands joined lips in exploration and celebration.

This was far different from those shame-filled bursts of want that Buffy had allowed before. These kisses held all the promise of forever that Spike had yearned for and Buffy had felt beyond her grasp.

“Want you,” Buffy whispered huskily.

“Want you too, petal, want to make it good for you,” Spike breathed before allowing his tongue to once more plunder her mouth.

“I know you will. I’ll make it good for you too.”

The years of rejection and loss slipped from them both as they loved one another as only those who have found their true home can.

~~~

“She didn’t come home last night.” Willow sounded harsh and disapproving bordering on shrill.
“Buffy’s a big girl. I’m the little sister; it’s not up to me to set curfew.” Dawn dropped another Pop Tart in the toaster and looked to Giles for support.

“You know full well how I feel about this situation, but I must agree with Dawn. Buffy is an adult and has the right to make any mistake she chooses regarding her personal life.” He ignored the dirty look coming from the younger Summers girl.

“We need to get ready for the wedding. I have to prepare Xander for his march to doom and say all those Best Person things he’ll be expecting. I don’t have time to worry about Buffy and if she’ll pull away from the walking dead long enough to see a real friend on the most important day of his life.”

“Oh, come on!” Dawn was out of patience. “Buffy’ll be there for the wedding. So will Spike.
Just because she’s been over there every night since Riley left doesn’t change anything for anybody else. She still lives here and still patrols and everything else she’s supposed to do. She just spends quality time macking on her hottie after. I think you’re jealous.” She slammed the refrigerator as if in punctuation.

Willow’s eyes flared black, but she bit back her answer. ‘First get Xander married to that moron he’s insisting on loving, then sort this mess out.’ She turned a brittle smile on the girl. “Tara and I are doing fine, thank you for asking. In fact, she should be here any minute so we can head to the Bison Lodge to get this show on the road.”

“Yes, I suppose I need to get myself ready as well. I dare say I hope no one actually thinks me old enough to be Anyanka’s actual father,” Giles groused. “Clearly her demon friends know better, but the humans might give it a thought in passing.”

“Wear your earring and ruffle your hair and no one will believe it,” Dawn teased.

“And who better than Ripper to walk a former vengeance demon down an aisle? You may be correct.” He grinned rakishly at both girls. “I believe I may have some jewelry in my valise.”

Dawn snorted. “You were doing great ‘til you said valise too!”

“I shall endeavor to channel my inner Roger Daltry then,” he promised.

~~~

Willow had already left with Tara by the time Giles reappeared and, true to his promise, sported a small diamond stud in his left ear with his thinning hair lightly mussed. Somehow the look worked with the traditional tux to give him an edge and deduct a few years from his worry-prone face.

Dawn and Buffy were stifling their giggles as they pronounced him hot enough to have his dance card filled without any trouble.

“Am I to assume Spike will be joining us at this recipe for disaster that passes for a wedding on the Hellmouth?”

“Yes. I finally made him promise he’d dance most of his dances with me and none at all for that skanky friend of Anya’s that tried to ruin my birthday party. I think there’s a story there, but he’s not telling”

“Ooh, blackmail material maybe.” Dawn perked up. “I’ll have to corner Hallie and find out.”

“There will be no blackmailing of my boyfriend.”

“Buffy! I have to have some ammunition or he’ll never let me date in a few years!” Dawn had a pout nearly as potent as Buffy’s.

“He’s meeting us there, actually. Daylight services are not very vamp friendly. You’d think with all the demons Anya invited she would have thought about that!” Buffy huffed. “Still, it looks like rain, so the sun won’t be as big an issue as on some days.”

“Are you going to have a nighttime wedding when you finally do it?” Dawn was already making plans to cement this relationship between her sister and her favorite vamp.

“Good Lord!” Giles nearly took the door off its hinges as he raced from the house in horror.

“Too soon to even think about things like that, imp! Besides, you scared the substitute father figure. We have to gently move males in that direction,” Buffy quipped. “Especially British Watchery males.”

~~~

“I don’t know who’s worse, dear old Uncle Rory or Xan’s daddy not-so-dearest!” Buffy ducked into an alcove to avoid running into the latter. The last thing she wanted was Spike to act on his threat to rip the drunk’s liver out through his nose if he tried to touch Buffy again. ‘Can’t have my man all headachy later.’ Tara nodded sympathetically. She had been hiding from Randy Rory when Buffy had practically bowled her over in her haste to get away from Mr. Harris. “I never thought I’d see the day when demons behaved better than humans.”

“True,” Tara agreed. “All of Anya’s friends are being really nice and peaceful. That boy with the short horns has been a real gentleman with Dawnie--even before Spike growled at him.”

“Yeah, about that,” Buffy sighed, “Probably time for a mom lecture and some research tomorrow. I don’t even know what kind of demon that guy is, and if he thinks he can just waltz in on twinkling hoofs and start up with my little sister, he’d better think again! And I cannot believe what I just said.”

“You’re becoming very open-minded.” Tara nodded with a wry grin.

“Hope my brains don’t fall out,” Buffy shook her head in amazement at the change in her outlook regarding demons. “I’m dating my second demon, helping my best guy friend marry an ex-demon and even thinking about allowing my little sister to date yet another demon!”

“Hey, Buffy!” Clem’s loud and cheery voice broke into the conversation. “You look terrific! That electric green really brings out your eyes.”

“And brings up my lunch,” Buffy agreed with a smile. “Nice to see you Clem. I didn’t know you and Anya were close friends.”

“We spent some quality demon bonding time at your birthday party. Say, Slayer, you really know how to throw a shindig. I’ll be talking about that one for years.”

“You’re looking quite dapper yourself,” Tara complimented Clem and tucked her arm in his. “Mind keeping me safe from the big bad Rory monster?”

“Yeah, that guy has no manners! He’s been hitting on all the ladies here like this was a convention instead of a solemn ceremony. Disgusting,” he shook his head in disapproval his ears flapping wildly.

Spike sidled up to his beloved and whispered, “Who’s the old bloke talkin’ to Harris? Looks to be makin’ the boy as green as your dress.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think he’s one of Xan’s family and he looks human. Maybe we should go rescue the groom.”

A slight commotion at the door interrupted this plan as D’Hoffryn and his entourage arrived. Halfrek was dressed in the same blinding green dress that the other girls wore. She smiled a condescending smile at Buffy and winked at Spike.

“Okay, all bets are off with that one,” Buffy swore as Spike laughed at her show of jealousy.

“Pet, even if she wasn’t wearin’ that hideous gown, I’d not look her way.”

Buffy stuck out her bottom lip in a fake pout. “I’m wearing that same gown.”

“Ah, but on you it just looks radiant,” he vowed.

“Radioactive you mean.”

“Either,” he grinned, “I look at you and it’s not the gown I’m seein’.”

Buffy blushed and swatted him. “No naked images at a wedding, Spike!”

He chuckled, “Well, that too, but I just meant you’re beautiful enough to make anything look good. Can’t get past that lovely face, that unbelievable, delectable, angelic woman you are to notice bad fashion. Remember you wearin’ lots of dodgy costumes over the years and you made them all perfect just bein’ in ‘em.”

Buffy melted just a bit more.

D’Hoffryn was handing a large box to Dawn and explaining his greeting to the confused girl. “Hymen, God of matrimony. His salutations upon you. May the love we celebrate today avoid its almost inevitable decline.” Buffy noticed a long tentacle poking out of one of the many holes in the box and grimaced.

“So, Dawnie, how is everything? Going good? Nothing you…um…might wish were different?” Hallie put on her most ingratiating smile.

“For Yek’s sake, Hallie, take a day off! We’re not here to do vengeance; we’re here to mingle,” D’Hoffryn chided his minion.

Clem was keeping close watch on Tara as Uncle Rory descended on the pair with Cousin Carol in tow. “So, circus folk! What’s that like?” Carol had an avid look of genuine interest.

“Yeah, your…er…friend…the fellow with the warty face went off on his circus ‘heritage’ like you folks are all in some kind of cult,” Rory nearly snarled.

Clem quickly figured out the explanation Anya had given for her demon friends appearance. “Well, ours are ancient ways. Clowning as an occupation grew out of the Commedia Del’Arte and ancient sports, of course….”

Rory was growing impatient. “The thing I’m wondering is if you expect Xander to bring his kids up in some kind of foreign-speaking ‘bow to the east’ kinda cult.”

A passing demon interrupted in indignation, “So you think the children should be raised in ignorance of our ways and customs?”

Carol was appalled. “Oh no!!! The Harris family is very broad-minded. We’re Episcopalians!” She clutched Rory’s arm and maneuvered him away from the bristling demon with an apologetic smile at Clem.

“Broad-minded!” Clem muttered. “Drunks for the most part. Look at that, and on his son’s big day too.”

Tara nodded sadly as she watched yet another argument break out between Mr. Harris and his browbeaten wife. It brought a shiver of remembrance as she saw shades of her own family situation.

Clem picked up on her discomfort immediately. “Let’s get some sunshine while there still is some, okay? Nice girl like you doesn’t need to be around that sort of thing.”

Tara glanced at Xander, hoping he was also missing out on his parents’ display but he was engaged in a deep conversation with an elderly man and not noticing anything else at all. “Thank the goddess for small favors. Poor Xander doesn’t deserve it either.”

“Yeah, he’s a nice boy. Sometimes good eggs hatch even from bad birds,” Clem agreed.

Buffy had rushed into the breach to break up the Haggling Harris Show part six and prevent any further damage. One of Anya’s demon friends had finally had enough of the insults and a row to put Willy’s to shame was about to break loose.

“Hey, didn’t you have a small pink purse?” Mr. Harris asked as part of his brain snapped that he had seen this girl the night before at the rehearsal dinner. He had lost his lunch in said purse.

“Yeah, I did,” Buffy said sadly. She had really liked the purse too. It had been one of her new purchases that made her smile, remembering her financial woes were a thing of the past.

Harris leered at the girl guiding him away from his crying wife and several simmering demons. “Thought so! Hey, what do you say we slip into the back room. I’ll show you my….”

Spike strode up then and interrupted, “You finish that sentence, mate, and you won’t have anything to show ever again.” He turned to Buffy and added, “Thought you could use a bit of a hand with this berk. Don’t want to orphan Harris on his big day, yeah?”

The groom in question was still in deep conversation with the old man who now held a purple glowing orb in his hand. ‘Weird wedding gift,’ Buffy mused in passing, ‘but at least that one doesn’t have tentacles.’

Giles too had noticed the conversation and witnessed Xander slump as if in shock. He moved as quickly as possible through the crowd to get to the boy. ‘I certainly hope one of Anya’s demon friends hasn’t chosen this moment to object to her marrying a human. Something is off with this situation.’

Getting closer, Giles was able to hear the old man saying, “You’ll hurt her less today than you will later. Believe me. Sometimes all two people bring each other is pain.” Try as he might, Giles was unable to get to Xander’s side quickly enough to stop the boy from bolting from the room.

“Xander!” The Watcher moved with agility as he chased the fleeing lad. “Wait a moment!” Giles had a terrible feeling that Xander had just made the worst decision of his young life and someone had to take him in hand before it was one with no chance of being fixed.

~~~

“What do you mean Xander’s gone? He can’t be gone; this is our wedding!” Anya looked incredibly fragile and lost, utterly unlike her usual self.

“I’m sure it’ll all sort out. Watcher’s on it, isn’t he?” Spike reassured the girl. “No weeping now, demon girl, you’ll mess that pretty face for no reason.”

Buffy looked out the window at the now rainy gloom and spotted Xander pacing and getting soaked while Giles gestured wildly.

“What’s happening, can you tell?” Buffy whispered as Tara tried to reassure Anya that nothing momentous was taking place outside in the pouring rain.

“Sodding wanker’s pullin’ a runner, so it looks,” Spike spat contemptuously. “Thought I was evil!”

“Giles will stop him, right?” Buffy sounded like she was about to cry and Spike drew her into his arms.

“Sure. Like to see a bloke get away from the Council’s finest,” he quipped. “Rupert will sort things, no need to fear. This dog and pony show’ll just have a slight delay and bit of wet is all.”

Spike spoke a bit louder for Anya’s benefit. “Likely the groom got a bit of the jitters. Thought of marrying such a beauty’s enough to spook anybody.”

That seemed to do the trick with the ex-demon and she began to fuss at her gown again. “Well, he has been a bit nervous. He’ll be fine once we get on our honeymoon. I have some surprises for him! He’ll never look at duct tape the same way again.”

No one had any desire to ask for any further explanation and silence prevailed. “So,” Tara finally said after clearing her throat, “What are those vows you have planned?”

Anya went back to practicing her vows having been mollified by her friends. “And I had seen what love could do to people, and it was … hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and … you knew me. You saw me! And it was this … you make me feel safe and warm.” She smiled in complete happiness, “So I get it now. I finally get love, Xander, I really do.”

~~~

“I’ve seen what love does to people,” Xander was saying to Giles. “It turns ugly and hurtful. You destroy the person you once vowed to cherish.”

Giles had no idea what the old geezer had said to the boy but having seen the Harris parents in action he knew what was on the lad’s mind now.

“You browbeat them until they have no self-esteem and then you actually beat them until they’re unconscious,” Xander was working up quite a rant.

“I love Anya too much to put her through that.” He looked at Giles as if noticing him for the first time. “Tell her that, will you? Make her understand?”

“I’ll do no such thing,” Giles thundered louder than the weather did. “You leave that girl now and you will be destroying something within her that can never be fixed. And you will be shaming her in front of every friend either of you has. No woman-- actually no human being--recovers from something like that, you idiotic boy! Why do you think so many tragic songs and stories involve people being left at the altar? Because it’s highly traumatic and emotionally crippling. It’s the worst form of public rejection by the very person who had sworn love.”
He grabbed Xander’s shoulders and forced him to look at him. “You fear becoming your father? You are well on your way to that if you take the coward’s way this day. If you wish to be a man, you march yourself in there, dry off and marry the woman you claim to love. This is not fate, this is a choice. Are you to be your father and ruin the woman who loves you, or are you to be the Xander I’ve known for years who fights the battles each day and does so bravely? Don’t tell me you can face down any demon but the ones within yourself.”

Xander pondered what Giles had said and his mind flashed to a heartbroken Anya that he knew he’d be leaving behind. “What if I fail?”

“With that attitude, no one would ever accept any challenge,” Giles said in a softer tone. “You take it a day at a time and do your very best.”

“Think this suit will shrink while I’m saying my vows?” Xander shot an embarrassed grin at the Watcher.

One inner demon slayage, one actual demon slayage, and one dripping groom later, the pair were wed and the reception was in full swing.

Buffy and Spike were in a world of their own as they danced to ‘Because You Loved Me’ blaring from the speakers. Spike had been so happy to have his Buffy in his arms that he hadn’t even snarked at the DJ’s choices in ‘perfect’ wedding songs. Having his girl warm and happy and publicly loving him was enough to make even Celine Dion go down well.

Xander had finally dried off enough that he wasn’t soaking his beaming bride so he took a moment while she danced with Giles to check up on his Best Person. “Say, saw you and Tara dancing a while ago. Another celebration in the making?”

Willow smiled happily, “Could be. I think she’s finally coming around.”

Just then, Buffy and her vampire glided into view. Willow narrowed her eyes at the pair. “Something is going to have to be done about THAT though.”

Xander eyed his friend warily. “No poofy stuff at my reception, remember? My family may buy the circus explanation, but if a guest suddenly becomes a toad there will be questions.” He hoped to tease her out of her rapidly worsening mood. Ever since Giles and Spike had questioned her resurrection spell, Willow had been on one large mood roller coaster, one promising plenty of chills, spills and possibly screams. He had also noticed her eyes actually change color and that was something he didn’t want to worry about on his wedding day. “She’ll get sick of him soon enough.”

Willow was already thinking about possible solutions to her vampire problem. “You could be right.” No point in bothering Xander at his reception. Besides, what she was thinking of might require a quick side trip to Rack for a little something borrowed. That was, after all, a wedding day tradition.

Hero's Reward 7/2

2008-05-12T14:05:09Z

A/N: Some dialogue from “As you Were” by Douglas Petrie. Yes, I did change the location for the confrontation with the Suvolte from a dam to a waste treatment facility.

~*~
Chapter 7, As It Could Be
~*~

Buffy woke with a sense of mission. She had planned to tell Spike of her epiphany the night of her birthday party, but the argument between him and Willow had made that impossible. Then it seemed as if everything conspired in the following week to keep her from having any private moments with the vampire to offer him her wary heart, should he still want it.

Spike had been scarce at best and Buffy wondered what could be keeping him from her side. He hadn’t even shown up for help with patrol in several days.

Willow had been keeping to herself as well. Clearly she was affronted by the accusation that she had not properly done the ritual when Buffy had been wrenched from heaven. Everyone gave the angry witch a wide berth.

“Today,” Buffy promised herself. “I’ll hunt him down if I have to and tell him today.” She was pretty sure he still wanted her. Now all she had to do was convince him that it wasn’t just sexual release she wanted but all of him.

“Oomph!” She had been so intent on the words she needed to make Spike believe her that she hadn’t even seen the large, looming figure in her path to the gates of Restfield. “Sorry,” she muttered without looking up.

“You can run into me anytime, Buffy,” a familiar voice sounded with an amused tone. “In fact, you’re saving me from a walk to your house. I was headed there to ask you to give me a hand.”

Buffy stood in gape-mouthed amazement, taking in a person she never had expected to see again in this life. “Riley?” She craned her neck to look at his now battle-scarred face. “Were you always this tall? What…who…how…why?”

“All very good questions.” He laughed outright. “Why don’t we go somewhere and talk, and I’ll explain all.” Buffy let herself be led back in the direction from whence she had just come.

Riley answered his cell phone as they walked briskly and Buffy dull noted the ringtone was the theme from the James Bond movies. Actually, Riley looked like he had just stepped out of one of them with his flak jacket and high tech tools. He was more geared up then he had ever been in his old commando days. She only heard bits of his stilted and short conversation.

“Fine. Operation RTS in place then …. Yes … I have made contact with the operative. …. Roger that.” He replaced the cell on his belt and gave a pained smile to the girl at his side. “Sorry about that. Coordinating a search and capture like this one can be a pain. I always hate it when people take cell calls while talking to me, but this time it can’t be helped.”

“’S okay.” Buffy smiled back in reassurance. “So, on a mission here at the Hellmouth, eh?”

“Tracking a real big nasty. Major mindless killer. We traced it here and think it’s planning to spawn at the Hellmouth.”

“What is it?” Buffy hadn’t heard any rumors of big uglies new to town.

“Suvolte demon. Rare, lethal and nearly extinct. I know I’m putting you on the spot showing up out of the blue like this, but I need the best and this IS your backyard. I need you, Buffy. Can you help me?” He pulled out another device from his belt and flipped it open. There was a radar screen with two large blinking red dots showing. “It’s on the move. We chased this thing all the way up from South America, taking out its nests along the way. You put down one and a dozen take its place. They’re breeders. If it gets out of hand and there’s a war with humans, the humans are going to lose. You’ve seen the Alien movies? Kind of a scaled down version of one of those.”

“Sounds like it’s time for me to slip into my best Sigourney Weaver mode and take this bitch out.” Buffy found it easy to slip into quip mode with Riley now that she knew her own heart. Easy to forget and forgive how Finn had left her to face Glory alone because she couldn’t just get over his dangerous addiction to bities. Knowing she loved Spike took the sting of his abandonment right out.

Riley smiled in anticipation of seeing the Slayer in her natural element once again. She really was a sight to behold, especially when you didn’t have to feel guilty if she got hurt.
“There’s this dealer in town. Sort of a demonic broker of weapons of mass destruction. Calls himself ‘The Doctor’. Think my people may have a lead on him. This guy is buying and selling dangerous demons to unfriendlies. Nasty business.”

“Hmm,” Buffy mused for the first time, “Imagine a government interested in using demons for evil purposes! Who’d a-thunk it?” She saw Riley flinch slightly at the pointed reminder of the underlying purpose of the Initiative.

“Maggie was rogue, Buffy; the government didn’t authorize what she was doing with Adam.”
“Uh huh.” Buffy raised a brow in skepticism. “Well, we’ll nip this one in the bud before it tunnels under all of Sunnydale.”

Riley steered her towards a large black SUV with darkened windows and held the door for her like the Iowa gentleman he was raised to be.

“Looks like command central in here with all the screens and keyboards,” Buffy noted.

“We managed to hit this hostile with a tracker. See that red dot moving near the water treatment plant?” Buffy noted the speed of the dot as it raced on the screen. “We think it’s planning to spawn there. Plenty of organic material to feed young there; not too populated either.”

“Charming. Just where I’d want to set up my nursery.”

“These things aren’t great thinkers. They act on instinct and that food source is a real lure.”

“What, there aren’t sewage treatment places somewhere between here and Paraguay?” Buffy was sick of every demon in existence making Sunnydale the Mecca for all things demony.
Riley gave her a sideways glance and grinned. “We think it’s the Hellmouth more than the climate.”

~~~

Spike sighed wearily and put a bit of burba weed in his mug of warm Wilbur. It was becoming harder and harder to be around Buffy and keep his hands to himself. She had definitely set out lures aplenty at her birthday party.

‘M tryin’ to be good here,’ he silently railed at the Powers That Loved To Torment. He’d spent the better part of the week making sure he had no one-on-one time with Buffy. Still, the urge to say ‘sod it all’ and sweep her into his arms was overwhelming at times.

Thinking about his girl, Spike felt the anger rise. “Bloody witch should’ve known she was riskin’ a mess. Not just what went wrong, but what went right! Gonna call back the Chosen One, you need a big sacrifice, not Bambi. And you have to make sure everythin’s perfect doin’ it. Just lucky Buffy came back with all her parts.” He found his mind drifting to a remembered inventory of those parts and sighed again, this time wistfully. ‘Thought souls were supposed to make all this doin’ the right thing easier!’

“Knock knock,” a voice complimented the rapping sound on his crypt door and Spike remembered inviting Clem over for West Wing. “Don’t want to miss the start. That Rob Lowe is almost as good an actor as David Hasselhoff, but I don’t think he can sing like the Hoff! Now THERE’S a performer!”

“Make yourself at home, Floppy. Got us some wings to go with the Wing,” Spike passed the bucket of still hot chicken wings to his only friend. Remembering what a good friend the dermatologically challenged demon had been right to the last during the previous run of this year from hell made Spike fonder of him than he had been the first time around. Hell, he looked at all of them more fondly with the gift of hindsight…‘well, all but the bloody Watcher.’

Between the conversation and the loud volume Clem insisted he needed to not miss a word of the dialogue, neither demon heard the faint noises coming from underground. The slight scuttling that was too quiet for any but a demon to hear.

“So how’s your Slayer lately? I think she’s kinda sweet on a certain vampire, if you know what I mean,” Clem teased.

‘Yeah, likely the grandsire at this point. She was to the end, after all.’ Spike’s insecurities where Angel were concerned had been the main reason he hadn’t sought out Buffy after his miraculous recorporealization. Angel had managed to find that one spot of doubt and play it to his full benefit.

Watching Buffy dance in abandon with the bloody Immortal had only clenched Spike’s belief that her last words to him had been an act of charity rather than a true declaration. If there were a vampire that she was going to love forever and eventually be with, it would be the Flintstones reject. She had never managed to get over her damned Romeo and Juliet dream.

Angel had taken great delight in letting Spike know that Buffy had as much as promised herself to him. Told him some nonsense about an oven or something along that line. That wasn’t quite what the sod had quoted, but it was lame enough to sound like something Buffy would say. Spike added that tidbit to the tonsil hockey he’d watched that night in SunnyD and resigned himself long before that last death to the old man’s getting the girl in the end.

“Where’d you go there for a minute, bucko?” Clem had seen the vampire’s always expressive face go someplace dark and painful as he clearly checked out mentally. “I’d think you’d be happy your lady is starting to notice the compact but sexy catch in front of her.”

“Buffy sees the package and wouldn’t turn down some cold comfort, but I’m afraid her heart wouldn’t be part of the bargain. I’m a greedy bloke, want it all or not any of it.”

“I think you’re reading her wrong, pal. Looked like it was more than ‘Sexual Healing’ she was singing. More like ‘Love Me Tender.’ I think the girl’s got it bad for the Big Bad.”

“I wish,” Spike said forlornly.

~~~

Buffy and Riley rapidly caught up to the demon being tracked by the red blip on the screen. She was out of the vehicle before it came to a complete stop and ran to the edge of a tank filled with sludge. “Look!” She pointed to a lumbering demon across the tank and began to run around the smelly pool of goo towards her target with Riley hot on her heels.

The demon was seemingly oblivious to its company and came to a stop on the other side of a large drainage pipe that was pouring its contents into the festering pool beneath. Buffy was gasping for breath as she halted a few feet from the creature that looked like something out of a SciFi film.

Wrenching a taser from his utility belt, Riley circled around the back of the Suvolte. The demon finally showed awareness of the humans and lunged at Riley first, as if sensing the girl was unarmed and a lesser threat.

Buffy, affronted, complained to the demon as she attacked in full force. “What, see a small girl and think I’m not a threat? Slayer here. You really are too dumb to be allowed to breed!” Lack of brains notwithstanding, the Suvolte proved to be as tough as a tank and easily tossed the Slayer aside as it continued to launch an attack on Riley, hitting him in the stomach forcefully.

“Riley!” Buffy used her comrade’s prone form for leverage to do a two-legged kick that sent the demon to the ground this time. “You okay?”

Riley wasn’t sure what hurt more: the pain from the demon attack or the portion of his chest that Buffy had used as a springboard for her gymnastics. “I’ll live.”

As the pair took a moment to catch their breath, leaning on one another, a third human clad in black raced to join them. Seeing only a blur of black, Buffy thought, “Spike,” relieved to finally have some help that she wouldn’t have to worry about.

Their back-up, however, turned out to be a rather pretty woman with long hair pulled back in a severe ponytail. “Hey, can anyone join this party?” She smiled with clear affection at Riley before turning to address Buffy. “What exactly are you doing with my husband?”
Riley had the grace to look embarrassed.

“Something you forgot to mention?” Buffy wondered when her ex had planned that little reveal. She turned to the woman with a quirked brow, motioning between her and Riley while asking, “Husband? Wife?” The evident Mrs. Finn nodded. “And those aren’t code names like Big Dog or Falcon?” At the woman’s bemused look, she concluded, “I didn’t think so.”

Riley put on an air of nonchalance and did the introductions, “Buffy, meet Sam…Sam, Buffy.”
Sam gave the Slayer a broad grin and offered her hand in greeting. “Pleasure.”

“Demon,” Buffy replied, not looking at Sam at all but behind her at the now rising Suvolte.

Sam threw herself into the fray before either of the demon hunters could make a move. She was holding her own with well-placed punches and kicks, so Buffy took the opportunity to ask, “How long have you been married?”

“Four months,” Riley replied sheepishly.

‘Huh, not too hard to replace, was I?’ Buffy felt peevish. “Mazel Tov. Any children?”

It wasn’t hard to tell Buffy was miffed, and Riley hustled to make peace. “Buffy, I meant to tell you when the time was right…you know, after we had the hostile neutralized. Sam caught up to us a hell of a lot faster than I would’ve guessed.” He smiled fondly at his wife while making sure she was still more than holding her own.

“So she’s a soldier too? You’re an army of…what…two?”

“Not a soldier, a demon hunter. It’s what brought us together.” He noticed that Sam had finally been felled by the large demon and moved toward them, taser at the ready.

Buffy shoved him to one side and grabbed the demon by its head. “Call this your wedding gift,” she offered as she twisted and snapped the demon’s neck, killing it.

Sam looked more shocked than grateful as Buffy gasped out, “Guess that’s mission accomplished then.”

Riley knelt and checked the Suvolte’s vital signs and sighed wearily. “She killed it.”

Sam put a sympathetic hand on her husband’s drooped shoulder and offered a whispered, “It’s okay.”

Buffy caught on that something was amiss and ventured a guess: “You didn’t want it dead then?”
Sam rolled her eyes at Riley and tried to placate the Slayer. “Let me guess. Mr. Operation here forgot to mention that little bit?” Riley looked even more embarrassed than before. “It is nice to finally meet the legend though.” She reached out a hand for the knife that Riley had removed from his belt and knelt beside the Suvolte, neatly slicing it open to reveal a thick yellow substance that trickled slowly and pooled on the ground.

“I should have explained,” Riley admitted.

“That might have saved me some trouble, yeah,” Buffy agreed.

“Maybe we could talk about this at your house?” Riley suggested. “I’ll fill you in on everything.”

~~~

Lights were already ablaze on Revello. Between Dawn cunningly inviting Tara over in hopes that her sweet disposition might defuse the walking bomb that was Willow and the Xander and Anya pre-wedding show, the house was lively. Giles was holed up in the dining room writing notes about Willow’s botched ritual so he would not forget any details for his upcoming his meeting with the Shaman.

When Buffy and the Finns walked through the door, Dawn was already on the defensive, having seen them come up the walk.

“Hi, Dawn! Wow, you’ve sure grown in the last year.”

“No thanks to you! Some people just left when the kitchen got too hot,” Dawn grumbled with a narrowed glance.

“Uh…,” Riley was surprised at the hostility in the teen. “Guess lots happened after I left. Sorry?”

“You knew there was an uberbitch after Buffy and that Mom was still recuperating. You sure picked one hell of a time to get huffy and leave,” Dawn accused.

“DAWN!” Buffy was appalled at her little sister’s lack of tact.

“Well, it’s true. If Riley had sucked it up and stayed, maybe you wouldn’t have died.” Dawn folded her arms across her chest and glared daggers at the soldier. “Guess he didn’t love you as much as Spike does.”

As if on cue, Xander wandered in from the kitchen, Anya in tow. “Hey, it’s the man! Back like the prodigal son?” He eyed Sam with interest. “Recruiting looks like they upped their standards.” He put out a hand and introduced himself. “Xander Harris, man of many trades, bon vivant, and provider of sustenance for the troops. This lovely maid is soon to be my blushing bride Anya.”

“You’ve been hanging around Giles too much,” Buffy commented with a slight giggle.

Sam shook his hand firmly. “I’m Sam. Sam Finn, actually, and Riley’s blushing bride. Nice to meet you.”

“Wow, that was fast,” Dawn snarked. “Oh yeah, broken heart, my….”

“Dawn, enough!” Buffy ordered and her eyes flamed with anger. “I’ll talk to you later. Isn’t it time for you to work on that term paper, preferably in your room?”

Riley and Sam pretended to not hear the less than friendly mutterings of the snarky teen as she stalked her way up the stairs.

Xander had been watching Buffy for signs of a broken heart and was glad to note she seemed okay with this bit of news. “Congratulations! Well, this is just like old times, except with all the married and soon to be married additions. Nice to meet you too, Sam. You’ve got a great guy there--a real, long haul keeper.”

Anya had already corralled Sam and was peppering her with questions about all things weddingish. “So will you be staying for the wedding?”

“I doubt we’ll get to stay. We’re here for a capture-and-contain mission and then they’ll probably send us to some far off corner of the world right after.” Sam looked genuinely sorry to miss the event.

“We’ve been tracking a Suvolte demon through most of Central America and Mexico. Finally cornered it tonight with Buffy’s help, but I forgot to tell her we wanted it alive. My bad.” Riley grimaced and shrugged. “Now we just hope we can track this demon weapons dealer called ‘The Doctor’ and put him out of business. He’s got the Suvolte’s eggs and the bidding has probably already started.”

No one noticed Giles, who had heard the commotion and moved into the doorway of the dining room. “I doubt they would fetch much. Suvoltes are large and lumbering creatures, but if their nesting places aren’t threatened, largely harmless. They tend to keep as far from humans as possible unless forced to defend their young. The young are rather skittish but not dangerous. Rather like crabs on steroids, although I suppose if you were to get pinched with their claws, you might not view them as harmless.”

Riley looked utterly shocked, “Giles! I thought you were in London?”

“I was. Now I am not.”

“He’s going back after the wedding though, at least for a while,” Anya added. “Before he goes, Giles is going to give me away!”

Not to be distracted by Anya’s obvious glee, Giles was interested in more information about this supposed broker. “Why don’t you tell us about this Doctor then, and we can sort it all out. Truthfully, I’ve heard nothing about any such organization or person. The Council keeps close watch for any sign of trafficking in demons.”

Riley looked flummoxed and actually stammered a bit before replying. “Well, this guy is new to the scene. Probably an idiot looking to make some quick cash.” He looked pointedly at Xander, “We all know…people…like that, right, Xan?”

“Oh yeah. Hey, you don’t think it’s Spike, do you?” Xander took the bait as Riley had hoped.
“Sounds like his style. We’ll have to check it out,” Riley rushed to agree.

Buffy furrowed her brow and immediately rejected the idea. “I can’t see Spike calling himself ‘Doctor’ after what that demon called Doc did last year, and he’s not looking for money all the time anymore. In fact, since Dawn and I have free reign at his crypt, I can’t see him having anything like demon parts laying around for us to stumble over. Besides, didn’t you say this Doctor is some big shot international dealer? That is SO not Spike!”

Giles was thinking of the money Spike had available to him and doubted his involvement as well. “As much of an idiot as Spike can be, I must say I agree with Buffy. This is the Hellmouth, however, and there may be any number of demons seeking a path to riches by preying upon other demons.”

“Maybe we should pay Hostile 17 a visit, just to be sure. Want to come along, Buffy?” Riley put a hand under her elbow and urged her to the door.

Sam was looking at Giles oddly. “Are you sure about the Suvoltes? Ri said they were nearly unstoppable and really deadly.” She turned to her husband with a question in her eye. “That IS what they said in the briefing, right?”

“Um, yeah. Maybe they got their facts wrong though. Military intel isn’t perfect. Sometimes we’ve had false information about weapons that looked pretty convincing. Giles knows his stuff, so I’ll take his word for it.” He smiled ingratiatingly at the Watcher. “Spike--or whoever this Doctor is--might not know that though. Or it could be a scam and this broker knows he’s got duds on his hands. Either way, he’s bad news. Evil. Needs to be stopped before he gets his hands on something that really is deadly.”

~~~

“Okay, Doctor, where are the demon eggs?” Riley demanded as the trio crashed into Spike’s crypt. Buffy had the decency to look at Spike with a silent apology for the harsh entry and words.

“Well…Cardboard and…,” he tilted his head in curiosity as he spied Sam. “Got yourself a groupie then.” Spike looked at Buffy to see if Finn’s surprise bride produced the same amount of hurt as it had last time. She didn’t seem nearly as concerned about her ex-boyfriend’s having moved on though.

Sam Finn held a crossbow pointed in Spike’s direction. Buffy noticed and carefully placed herself in the line of fire, as if by accident.

“I’m chipped, luv, or didn’t Tweedle-Dee tell you ‘bout the first chapter of our little story?”

Buffy turned to Sam and agreed, “It’s true. You don’t need to worry about Spike. He can’t hurt humans.” She winced slightly at the memory that he could hurt her, if he so chose.
Sam kept a tight grip on the crossbow but did stop pointing it at the vampire.

“Now what’s this about eggs? Don’t generally eat ‘em myself. Prefer a nice rare steak or some spicy wings,” Spike quipped. He hadn’t let G’Rogrik talk him into egg-sitting this time since he neither needed the money nor was deluded enough to think that he wasn’t being set up. Clearly Finn hadn’t gotten that memo.

“Hey, Spike, what’re these giant eggs doing in your bedroom?” Clem popped his head up from the trap door, narrowly missing Sam’s left foot. “You’re out of Cheese Whiz too, by the way.”

Spike looked at his wrinkled friend like he had lost his mind. “What the hell are you going on about? Don’t have any stinkin’ eggs, with or without Cheese Whiz.”

“Sure you do. I don’t recognize the kind, but they look about to hatch.”

Spike couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There couldn’t be demon eggs in his basement. He had known well enough to steer away from doing that little favor.

“Stand aside,” Riley ordered and muscled his way past Clem and into the basement.

Buffy looked at Spike in confusion and noted the look of real puzzlement on her vampire’s face. Something wasn’t right here…a whole lot of somethings.

“Spike, Riley says you’re this international demon broker and you’re selling these Stewbolt demon spawn. I told him there was no way.” Buffy looked at him with a plea in her eyes.

“Damn straight there’s no way! If Clem’s right and there are eggs--even chicken eggs--down there, I sure as hell didn’t put them there! Got more bloody sense than that. What if the Bit dropped in? Only demon I let come over’s Clem and that’s ‘cause he’d never hurt either one of you.”

“That’s pretty much what I said,” Buffy nodded in agreement. She believed Spike. Something was fishy about the whole deal. “I believe you, Spike.”

His eyes softened into awe at her avowal of trust. ‘Lots different than last time. She wouldn’t even listen to me then.’

Riley shouted up to Sam and Buffy, “They’re here! We need to blow the whole nest before they hatch!”

Sam detached a grenade from her service belt and moved toward the trap door.

“Whoa, sister,” Buffy laid a hand on Sam’s wrist before she could touch the detonator. “Let’s just check this out a bit before you go blowing up my friend’s home.”

Spike was struck dumb in amazement at the Slayer’s attitude. She might not love him, but she evidently trusted him and that was something he could build on.

“Hurry up, will you?!” Riley yelled up at the women overhead.

“No rush. Remember what Giles said…cranky lobsters even if they do hatch.” Buffy reminded Sam.

“This Giles, can his information be trusted?”

“With my life,” Buffy reassured the other girl.

“Wow, sorry, Spike. I didn’t know anyone else was here,” Clem whispered.

“No problem. See anything else while you were poking around the tunnels?”

“Just your stash of Weetabix and burba weed. And like I said, you’re out of Cheese Whiz.” Clem looked fairly crushed at that thought.

“Only keep that crap in for you, so if I’m out you’ve got no one but yourself to blame, mate,” Spike snarked. “I’d rather eat paste.”

Buffy and Sam had already joined Riley below when Spike headed down. “What the hell are these?” he demanded when he reached the bottom of the ladder. “I can guarantee they weren’t here when I rolled out of bed after my afternoon kip.”

“Yeah, like I’d believe that,” Riley said at the exact time Buffy was reassuring Spike with, “I believe you.”

Sam merely looked from her husband to the Slayer and vampire and back again, trying to puzzle it all out.

Buffy began to do her best Jessica Fletcher imitation and looked toward the tunnel entrance to Spike’s underground. Faint tracks that were visible in the dirt floor looked fresh. “Looks like this is how the eggs got in here. Did you hear anything, Spike, or did you go out earlier?”

“No, Clem and I were watchin’ the telly. Daft bugger can’t hear worth shit, even with those long ears, so the volume was loud enough to wake my dearly departed neighbors.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy noticed Riley squirming and began to get a picture. It wasn’t pretty. “I’m not math girl, but I think I can put two and two together pretty good. Riley, what do you know about these eggs? And if you want to leave the Hellmouth in one piece, don’t give me the line of bull you did earlier. You know I can just have Willow do a truth spell on you. She’s mega powerful now that she’s brought me back from the dead.”

“You were dead?” Sam looked horrified. “And Willow is a witch?”

“Yes and yes, but no time for chit chat at the moment, Mrs. Finn.”

Riley sighed and gave it up. “I wanted to protect you, Buffy. I know Spike; he’s up to no good. Told me he was going to make a play for you, and when I found out you were back and vulnerable, I just knew he would get around to taking advantage. We really did have to track this thing and it seemed like a good way to beat him to the punch, prove he’s still the evil bastard he always was.”

‘So THAT’S what happened!’ Spike let out a derisive snort as he contemplated this new revelation. ‘Didn’t take the bait like last time and accept the buggers for some dosh, so he just had ‘em put in my crypt anyway! Gotta give it to him for creativity.’

“Who I chose to be with is MY business. It stopped being yours when you decided to get on that helicopter and fly out of my life,” Buffy fumed.

“But I still care…you know, as a friend,” Riley quickly amended after catching the glare of death he was getting from Sam. He glared at Spike, “I told you I’d not stand by and let you hurt Buffy.”

“Yeah, I remember you makin’ that…point.” Spike glared right back. “Still carryin’ that plastic stake?”

“WHAT?” Buffy shouted. She gaped at Spike in horror at the implications. “We WILL talk about this later, Spike. For now,” she returned her murderous looks to Riley, “I want you to explain to me just why you thought it would be a good idea to set it up for me to have to kill Spike. You KNOW the story of how killing Angel broke me and you were setting me up to go through that again! WHY? Because you don’t approve of my choice in boyfriends?”

Sam added her own question: “So what exactly was operation RTS?”

“Nothing important. Just dealing with a dangerous hostile.”

“Hostile 17 maybe?” Buffy guessed correctly. “I mean it, spill or I’ll get Willow involved.

“All right. Stands for ‘Remove the Scum.’ That’s what I was doing, Buffy, nothing wrong with that. Technically, Spike’s government property anyway…just because he escaped…. He’s not even real, Buffy! He’s a vampire, a monster, a killing monster without our chip.”

“I know who and what Spike is, Riley. Chosen One comma The, remember?” She was utterly disgusted.

“Why does everyone think they have a right to tell me who I can and cannot love? Who made you my keeper? I don’t remember you asking me if Sam was an okay choice for you. Xander never cleared Anya with me and Willow never got around to that, ‘hey, is it okay with you if I decide to be gay?’ speech. NO! Everyone else gets to love who they want to, but when I do, you all think you know what’s best for Buffy. Well, you don’t!”

Spike had been in a fugue since Buffy had called him her boyfriend and was rattled back to awareness when the ‘L’ word popped up. “Pet, just what are you saying? Please spell it out.”

“I’m saying what I wanted to say to you on my birthday, you dope. But no, you had to go get into a fight with Willow and ruin my chance. Then you avoid me like the plague ever since! I love you, you idiotic vampire. And I don’t just want to jump your bones; I want a relationship!”

For once, Spike’s crypt was as silent as the grave it had once been.

Hero's Reward 6/12

2008-05-12T14:00:59Z

A/N: Some dialogue from “Older and Far Away” by Drew Z. Greenberg

~*~
Chapter 6, Older and Coming Closer
~*~

Dawn watched as Willow conjured up yet another birthday cake, the fifth thus far. Each time she decided it had some defect that had to be improved on. “Geez, Willow, Buffy won’t care as long as there’s ice cream to go with it!”

“NO!” Willow exploded in exasperation. “It can be perfect. I can make it perfect. Buffy deserves perfect. This is the first birthday since….” She paused and a fleeting look of guilt crossed her face before it was replaced with determination once more. “Besides, how often do you get to turn twenty-one?”

“Well, if you count my time I don’t remember as a ball of green energy, I might get to twice,” Dawn giggled. “Don’t think I celebrated with booze that first time though…or at all. I mean, what do you get for a key anyway?”

“Maybe a lock?” Tara had just entered the kitchen and joined the conversation with a smile. “I thought you could use a hand getting the party ready for tonight.” She peered at Willow with a hint of her old shyness.

“I could always use your hands,” Willow whispered.

“Okay, kid here and that’s just way TMI for me,” Dawn rolled her eyes. “Why don’t I just go shopping and leave you two at it.” Realizing how that could be taken, she revised, “To the party stuff, I meant, not any other ‘it’.”

“Do you need some money for the gift?” Tara knew things were very tight in the house before she had moved out. She had felt guilty not contributing to the household expenses but had tried to make up for it by playing cook and housekeeper.

“Nope, Spike’s got me covered.” She didn’t notice the grimace the vampire’s name caused on Willow’s face. “He slipped me enough I can get something really nice for a change.”

Willow’s hard look was out of place under the circumstances. “Where’d HE get the money? Stole it from somebody? I’d say killed someone for it, but that chip makes that impossible…now.”

“God, what’s your damage?” Dawn immediately felt defensive for her surrogate brother’s reputation. “Spike’s been good for a long time now, you know that! He doesn’t even steal from the Magic Box anymore.”

“Not since Anya threatened to neuter him for real,” Willow snarked.

“Even before! Really, what’s the reason for the Spike hate?” Dawn hadn’t expected this from Willow. She had never been anti-Spike like Xander or Giles and had appreciated Spike’s help all summer long.

“Not hate, just sick of hearing about Saint Spike,” Willow said in a tone of voice that contradicted the words. “Buffy’s always over at that crypt listening to his poison. Half her problems adjusting are probably his fault. Who knows what he’s been saying to her. When she’s not there, Spike is over here with his head next to Giles checking on things that aren’t his business.”

“Whoa! Sorry I asked,” Dawn said as she backed out of the kitchen. She turned to Tara and snarked, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the caldron this morning.” She glared a threat at Willow. She knew that Willow did NOT want Tara to know the current birthday cake candidate had been thin air only moments before.

Willow met the stare with defiance. “Didn’t you say you were going to go shopping for a birthday gift?”

Dawn raised an eyebrow in a decidedly Spike-like way and retorted, “You finally settle on that cake?”

“Yes. I’m not going to bake another one, that okay with you?”

“Is…everything all right between you two?” Tara had watched the exchange and knew there were undercurrents that she was not picking up on.

“Fine,” They answered together.

“No problem,” added Willow. “Is there, Dawnie?”

“Not with me. Buffy’s even been paying attention to me lately so it’s all good,” she smiled at Tara, her contentment showing through.

“Be careful at the mall,” Tara warned. “No picking up boys!”

“As if!” Dawn snorted out as she left the house.

“So…um …been baking all morning?”

Willow gave a slightly guilty start before lying, “Yup. Dawnie’s irritated that I went through a few boxes of cake mix before it turned out right.”

“Oh, well, that happens. It is a special birthday after all.”

“You betcha,” Willow beamed, “That’s exactly what I said to Dawn. I want it to be perfect.”
“It will be, just because we’re all together. Even Giles is here.” Tara knew how the loss of her Watcher had hit Buffy and how glad she must be that he’d returned.

“Yet another ‘yay Spike’ issue,” Willow muttered bitterly. She wished she had thought to urge Giles to return before the vampire had lured him back.

“Huh?” Tara hadn’t been able to hear the comment but could make out from the tone of voice that Willow was either angry or frustrated.

“Just irritated that I didn’t get pink frosting for the roses, that’s all.” Willow was getting too good at the smooth lies. “Buffy used to wear a lot of pink and I think she’d really like that.”

“I’m sure it will be perfect no matter what color you have.” Tara could feel the pent up emotions in her former lover but wasn’t able to pinpoint what they were exactly. Her aura was all over the place looking more like chaos than anything Tara could put her finger on.

“Think I’ll let this cool longer anyway.” Willow hoped to mojo the finished product after Tara left but was in no hurry for her beloved to leave. She placed the cake in the nearly empty refrigerator and turned a smiling face on Tara. “Want some tea while we figure out how we want to decorate?”

“I got that vibrator for Buffy’s back aches as our gift,” Tara ventured. It had been so long since they had a normal conversation that it felt strained.

“Great! I was going to ask if you had the chance to pick it up.” Willow thought how well it was going. Before long, Tara would be home where she belonged, as long as she didn’t know that the magic use was still an issue. “Xander and Anya are bringing a blind date for Buffy. Some guy on Xan’s crew. That should perk up our favorite Slayer.”

Tara bit her lip and looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know about that. Seems like it would be a bit awkward to have some stranger for a date on your birthday, especially with all your friends there.”

“Trust me, this is just what Buff needs. A new boyfriend will be just the ticket to stop all those crypt visits. She needs to be back in the land of the living. Hanging around a cemetery, you know, when not patrolling or anything, is not what she needs to feel all alive again.”

“If you say so,” Tara said uncertainly, still thinking it was not a great idea.

~~~

“I’m telling you Richard is perfect for Buffy! He’s a really nice guy, normal in every way. He’s got one of those California pretty boy looks--kinda like Val Kilmer--you girls always seem to find strangely appealing.” Xander hadn’t introduced his co-worker to Anya yet and she wasn’t sure if Xander had a clue about Buffy’s taste in men. “He’s buff too, with all the construction stuff and all.”

“He sounds nice enough, but I still think Buffy has a thing for Spike.” Anya didn’t notice Xander flinch at that thought. “What if she’s invited him to the party. It could get awkward is all I’m saying.”

“Undead, Jr. may be at the party, but there is no way the Buffster is interested in him except as extra muscle now and then.”

“Yes, but just which muscle?” Anya had to get a glass of water to stop Xander’s choking fit at that.

“I’m just saying that you all thought Riley was ‘the one’ for Buffy and she never really sparked with him, except that one time in the frat house and that was ghosts.”

Xander regained his breath at last. “They sparked plenty! If Buffy had just run a little faster, he’d he here sparking right now. Speaking of Ri, I need to e-mail Sergeant Rock and invite him to our wedding.”

“Who is this sergeant, and you do realize that I’ll have to rearrange seating again if you keep adding people,” Anya huffed.

“Sergeant Rock was a comic book…oh, never mind, I meant Riley.”

“Why didn’t you say so?” Anya put down the dry erase pen she had grabbed intending to alter the white board schematic of the reception seating. “I have him at the table with Hallie. I thought it would be amusing to have him partnered with a demon. I plan to tell her to keep the human face on to see if he can figure it out.” Anya chuckled at her own private joke.
“About this friend of yours…,” Xander began hesitantly. With all the demons on the guest list and now this one in the bridal party, he was sure the whole day would be a giant fiasco. It was a near guarantee just with his parents in the picture.

“Did someone mention me?” The doe-eyed vengeance demon appeared in a poof, startling Xander into dropping his empty glass.

“Hallie!” Anya threw her arms around her oldest friend in delight. “Actually we were just talking about blind dates. I think I have one for you at my wedding, but you’ll have to act human.”

Halfrek tossed her head imperially and sniffed. “Is he a bigot? Too good for a mere working demon?”

“No, well, he might think he is, if you get down to it. He was with that group that kidnapped and experimented on demons a couple of years ago.” Anya had always held that against the soldier on principle.

“I can bring my own date,” Hallie decided.

“He’s may be an idiot, but he’s a hunk of yummy manhood,” Anya tempted. “Just think of the fun you could have before you let him see your real face?”

“Well…maybe,” replied the suddenly avid-faced demon. “There could be possibilities. It might just educate him to his blindness. I’d be doing a public service to the whole demon community!”

“That’s the spirit,” Anya smiled back.

“So what’s the other blind date?”

“Oh, it’s a guy Xander’s decided to hook up with Buffy at her birthday party tonight. I think we should just put a bow around his neck and make sure she realizes he’s part of her gift.” Anya smirked at her fiancé.

“Hey, the Buffster has been all doom and gloom since her return ticket to planet earth. She deserves some love action,” Xander defended. “She hasn’t had time for any of us because she patrols too much and when she’s not patrolling she’s looking for work. She needs cheering up and some serious down time.”

“So,” Hallie said in a calculated manner, “She’s been neglecting her friends? Her little sister?”

“Not neglecting, just busy. I wish she’d just take some time for nothing but enjoying herself, like at this party,” Xander said.

“Wish granted,” Hallie whispered as she turned her back on the pair.

~~~

Spike was mentally preparing to face the party from hell. ‘Maybe this time Cecily won’t keep us locked up since the Bit isn’t being neglected.’ The last thing he wanted was to be forced to watch that William-like boy Xander had dredged up as Buffy’s date trying to make time with the Slayer. ‘Can’t even corner her for a little tease this time.’ Really, this keeping his hands off was harder than he had thought it would be. For some reason telling Buffy ‘no’ and sticking to it had set something loose in her. Buffy had been using every excuse to touch him, attempting to seduce him more than once since his return to this time and place. He’d need more than Tara’s ice offer to get rid of his ‘cramp’ this go-round if Buffy tried that at the party.

Thinking back to that endless party, Spike remembered the uninvited demon and determined to drop by early to remove the sword from Buffy’s house so that part of the nightmare wouldn’t repeat. “I might not mind the pretty boy meeting the sharp end of a sword, but Buffy wouldn’t like it much.”

He and Giles had all the official paperwork done to gift Buffy with the end of her financial woes. Of course Spike wouldn’t be mentioned as a benefactor, so he did battle with the tape dispenser as he wrapped his official gift for the love of his life.

He had selected one of the pieces of jewelry from the cave that didn’t have any magical attachments and was not as gaudy as some of the big items. It was a delicate gold chain with a small but perfect emerald pendant. It brought to mind the shade of Buffy’s eyes when he looked at it. Those orbs were changeable but the green moments had an emerald quality to them. The pendant would look lovely against her skin.

He planned to lie and say it had been in his family so Buffy wouldn’t reject the gift out of hand. Make it seem a trifle. Sadly, the humans seemed to think him incapable of being sentimental and it should be an easy sell.

It was wearying to have to explain every single thing he did, or had, to people, but the assumption that everything in his possession had to be ill-gotten still prevailed. This time around wasn’t any easier than the first in getting the group to see him as anything other than just another evil demon. ‘Forgot to add the soulless part. Always callin’ me everything I’m not anymore.’ Strangely, ever since he had resisted Buffy’s advances she had kept from name-calling.

~~~

Buffy prepared to go be the star of the hour with a bit more care than of late. ‘Really, I’ve let myself go. I haven’t been this unfashionable since those horrible overalls back in High School!’

She ran her fingers over the soft fabrics of her more carefree life when her mother had still been there and the future was full of possibilities. The clothes were a couple of years out of date, but most didn’t show it. She selected a lacy black off-the-shoulder top that clung to her curves beautifully and paired it with tight black leather trousers and boots. She gave her reflection a critical go over and decided she might still turn a head or two yet! She felt her eye drift to a long strip of red leather and artfully tied it around her neck in a makeshift necklace before applying more make-up than she’d worn since her return from heaven.
A full hour after she had gone into her room, Buffy was satisfied with the final product. The red of her lips and necklace were the only real color and it was striking. ‘Spike colors,’ she thought to herself and rolled her eyes at her own subconscious choice. ‘Like he’d notice. Not anymore.’

She had been thinking a lot about the vampire lately. It seemed a bit strange that in all the years she had known Spike she had spent more time trying NOT to think about him in some way. She had always directed her thoughts toward him being irritating or evil or some other unpleasant description. It was safer that way. The truth, she had to finally confess, if only to herself, was that Spike had barreled into her life and fixed himself in her thoughts in one way or another. On the most basic level, she knew that he had fired her up from the beginning. Dusting him had seemed like destroying a lovely piece of art and she had done all in her power to avoid doing it. He was funny too, quick witted with a delicious side of snark. As for his fighting form…. She drew in a sigh and realized that he could hypnotize her if she let him. Ever since Willow’s spell two years before, she had become even more conscious of his lips and hands as her body demanded she remember the feel of them on a regular basis.

All of that she might have admitted to herself even before, but since her resurrection there was more to her attraction than those superficial things. He was loyal and strangely honorable. From the time Glory had tortured him mercilessly, she had realized he could be trusted with her very life and the lives of those she held dear. He had been willing to die for Dawnie. It had been the easiest choice she had ever made when she entrusted her little sister to his protection that night before she died. He had not disappointed her either, having stayed to care for Dawn and even watch out for her friends and do her duties with slayage. Since she had been back, he had been gentle and concerned with her best interests, even passing on her many offers of sex because he thought it wasn’t something that would be good for her! He had said he loved her and his actions had proven it over and over.
Spike was one of the only men in her life not to leave. Looking at his long affair with Dru, he wasn’t likely to leave in the near future either.

She had to really try hard to find a reason not to let herself fall in love with him. She had told herself that he was evil, a mass murderer on a leash, soulless. She had tried to picture the carnage she had read of in his past and seen in vampires every day and had no trouble developing a sense of disgust. Then she’d see his so expressive face as he watched her come down those stairs the night she returned, or his battered countenance after Glory had him, or the awkward but sincere caring the night she found out her mom was ill and she couldn’t stay disgusted. Truthfully, she had to work at it to bar him from her heart. Then, when she finally gave in to the physical desire and he took the high road, she had to look at what she really was feeling beyond lust and was startled to find he had already found a place in her heart while she wasn’t noticing. ‘Not sure when that happened, but I think it was that day in his crypt when I was pretending to be the Bot. It sorta grew on its own after that.’

Each step he had taken toward the light had served to shine that light on parts of his basic character all the blood of his past couldn’t cover. There was good in him that had never died and Buffy knew that there would be more if he were given encouragement. She wanted to be part of that process.

She looked at her face in the mirror and smiled weakly, “Now that I want him, he may not want me back. Way to go, Buffy!”

That was the thing she had finally admitted to just that day: she wanted him…not just in her bed and life, but in her heart. She knew her friends would throw a fit and as for Giles… well, that was a storm waiting to break, and possibly break her or Spike for that matter.
“I’m twenty-one today, all legal and adult. I’ve got the responsibilities of an old person, even if I’m not likely to ever live to be one. Time I start acting like it, suck it up and make my decisions based on me, not my friends or Watcher. I’m the one that has to live my life, not them. Xander never asked me if it was okay to marry ex-demon Anya and Willow never came to me to find out if it was okay with me if she switched teams for Tara. Why should they have veto power on who I love?”

Somehow, during the party, she hoped to find out if Spike might still have a strong enough interest in her to give it a try. With that resolve, she straightened her shoulders and headed downstairs to party central.

“Free, legal and twenty-one…here I come!”

~~~

Willow looked fairly smug. She had managed to get everything just so even with Tara nearby. It had been so simple to ask her lover to pick up a few last minute items while she used a spell to decorate that final cake and get the house decorated. By the time Tara had returned with the extra sodas and dip everything was just as it should be. ‘What’s wrong with using magic to make sure everything is perfect? I have power; I should use it! No wrongs there. They’re just jealous of my power, that’s all.’ Her eyes flashed black as thoughts of her power filled her.

“You did such a nice job, sweetie.” Tara smiled at her. “Everything looks so pretty. I know Buffy is going to be really touched.”

Giles entered the room and Willow felt a surge of annoyance. ‘I hope he isn’t planning on another round of Salem Witch Trials, Sunnydale Division. That was already old when he called me an arrogant amateur.’ She pasted on her widest grin and turned to face the man she had once so admired. “Hello, Giles. Glad you’re here for this birthday.”

“As am I. I really shouldn’t have left in retrospect,” Giles had taken Spike’s words to heart about the trouble he had left in his wake.

“Well, I’m always willing to forgive mistakes, and so is Buffy,” Willow made no attempt to hide the double meaning. Giles understood her point even if he saw her misuse of magic as far more than a simple error in judgement.

“Yes, well, mistakes often have consequences, some not easily remedied.”

“And sometimes things work out for the best,” Willow answered quickly, her eyes narrowing in silent warning.

Any further snarking was put to an end by the appearance of the birthday girl. Buffy had a glow about her that had been missing for a long time, even before her death.

“Buffy, dear, you look lovely. Very grown up.” Giles smiled fondly on his charge.

“Thanks, Giles. That’s me: Buffy Summers, all growed up and womanly,” She ended that on a slight giggle.

Xander and his small entourage hustled through the door, chattering like mad squirrels. His arms were laden with bags of snack foods. Besides his ever present fiancé, there was a strange woman and young man, both looking a bit uncertain of their welcome.

“Guys,” Xander did the introductions while putting his bounty on the already filled table, “This is Richard--he works with me. A real craftsman and a gentleman.” He looked pointedly at Buffy, trying to convey Richard’s suitability to his old friend. With a slight fading of his smile, he pointed to Hallie next. “And this is one of Anya’s old pal’s, Halfrek.”

“Hallie is my oldest friend in the entire world. She’s going to be in the wedding party and I thought you should all get to know each other before the big day,” Anya’s delight was fairly beaming at the thought of the upcoming wedding.

“The more, the merrier,” Buffy said, patently ignoring the obviousness of Xander’s matchmaking attempt. “I don’t mind another couple at the party.”

Xander’s face fell slightly at Buffy’s assumption that Richard was Hallie’s date. “Well…um…Richard and Hallie aren’t a couple, except in the ‘there are two of them’ sense. I kinda thought you and Richard might like, you know, meeting each other?”

The man in question looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

Buffy was bemused and it showed. “Oh, if he’s a friend of yours, I’m sure he can become a friend of mine too.” She put out her hand in welcome, “Nice to meet you, Richard. Goodies are on the table, help yourself.”

Before Xander could make his meaning embarrassingly clear to everyone, he was saved by the bell, or rather the entrance of Spike and an odd-looking demon. “Hope you don’t mind, but I brought Clem along for the ceremonial first legal drink of liquor. Since the first time he met you was the night you were illegally sloshed.” He grinned at the memory of a charmingly drunk Buffy.

“I remember you! Kitten poker. You were the one that said my skin was too tight,” Buffy smiled at the affable demon.

“Kitten poker?” Richard was looking at the floppy eared, loose-skinned man with the red tinted eyes in complete confusion.

“Skin condition. Doesn’t like to talk about it,” Buffy whispered to him before saying in a normal tone, “Kittens, chips, pretzels…poker works with about anything, right, Clem?”

Clem nodded, his ears flapping with the movement. “Hope you still like the little grey ones ‘cause that’s what I brought for your gift.” Dawn squealed and grabbed the grey bundle of fur before Buffy could even get a look at it.

“Oh, Buffy, she’s precious!!! Can she sleep in my room? I know it’s your kitty, but just for tonight?” Dawn hadn’t looked so excited since she had been nine.

“Okay,” Buffy was really thinking about how she was going to add cat food and kitty litter to her already impossible list of things to buy when Clem dragged in a cat bed that had a bag of each in it.

Tara whispered to Dawn, “Be sure all the crossbows are put up. I’d hate for another innocent to meet with an accident.” She had always regretted letting Miss Kitty Fantastico spend that tragic last night in Dawn’s room.

It was all Spike could do to keep from growling at the vapid youth standing at Buffy’s side. The boy did not improve on second viewing. ‘Wish she’d see that another couple of words for normal are ‘ordinary’ and ‘common.’ Silly chit deserves better than that.’

Buffy was delighted to notice the stiff posture in the vampire as he looked at Richard. Maybe it wasn’t too late after all, maybe he was still interested. “Glad you could make it, Spike, and yes, Clem’s always welcome too.” She smiled her most engaging smile and was rewarded with a look of awe from her vamp in shining leather.

“Looks like everybody’s here. Let the party begin!” Willow gestured to the decorated living room with its pile of presents. “Dawn picked out some games and I’ve got the CD player all queued up with the tunes. Everybody already knows where the food is, and the drinks and ice are in the kitchen.”

Spike raised his eyebrow sardonically at Willow’s acting as woman of the house. ‘Made herself right at home, hasn’t she. Sleepin’ in the master bedroom and takin’ charge. Rent-free too.’
“Yes,” Buffy urged, “Everybody make yourself at home. Very casual around here.”

Hallie had already zeroed in on Clem in a moment of demon solidarity and led him to the snacks. “So how long have you known William?”

Spike heard his name mentioned but realizing the vengeance demon was present didn’t distract him from heading straight to Buffy’s side in the living room. “Well, pet, how’s it feel to be all adult-like?”

Buffy laughed in genuine pleasure. It was amazing how freeing it was to stop fighting her feelings. “Feels the same and completely different at the same time. It’s nice that I can make my own choices now,” she hinted.

Spike grinned at her happy mood. He’d been right to hold her at arm’s length if it had this result. She looked at peace, the dark cloud that had accompanied her since her mother had died wasn’t around, at least not at the moment. “That so? What are some of these choices that have your pretty eyes dancing?”

“Maybe later I’ll tell you a few, when it’s less crowded,” Buffy said, playing the coquette. If Spike hadn’t already given her his heart and soul, he would have been completely smitten by this version of the girl he had known for years. She was flirting! With him!

~~~

“Ooh, prezzies!” Buffy’s eyes gleamed as she looked at the booty just waiting to be unwrapped.

“Mine first,” Dawn insisted. She lay the gaily wrapped present on Buffy’s lap and bit her lip in anxious excitement. The money Spike had given her had allowed her to buy what she really wanted and now she was going to see if Buffy would love it as much as Dawn hoped she would.
The paper flew and box was wrenched open with the sound of popping tape. “Dawn! God, this is beautiful! Do I want to know where you got the money for this?” Buffy looked slyly at her Watcher in question. To her surprise, Giles seemed as clueless as she was. She rubbed the buttery soft leather of the black coat in delight. She hadn’t had a new coat in ages and this was far too good for a cool night’s patrol. “Thank you. This is for my ‘not going out to slice and dice’ moments; it’s too pretty to risk ruining it.”

Dawn was thrilled that she had nailed her sister’s taste so well and handed Buffy a second package. “You might want these to go with it then.”

The boots were of matching leather and the heel made them impractical for patrolling. The box showed them to be from a discount shoe store but the quality looked excellent. “You’re spoiling me! New boots to go with the coat. I’ll be stylish Buffy again before you know it!” She threw her arms around her little sister and thanked her again. Leave it to Dawn to realize that the best way to cheer this girl up was a new pair of shoes.

Tara shyly handed Buffy their gift as Willow hovered at her side. They had talked a lot while getting the party ready and Willow had high hopes that her girl was close to coming home! The joy nearly counterbalanced the undercurrent of anger she felt each time she looked at either Giles or Spike.

Buffy looked at the gift in a bit of confusion. It looked like the head of ET the Extra-Terrestrial, in a way, with the two large protruding balls that could be mistaken for red eyes in the grey alien-like mounting. “It’s a vibrator,” Tara explained. “It does deep massage. You know, for your back when you’ve been fighting demons and it’s too sore for you to rest well.”

Spike hid a smirk as Buffy blushed. Clearly the word vibrator caused his Slayer to go someplace where bad backs didn’t exist or at least didn’t matter.

“That’s really thoughtful, thank you.” Buffy wondered how she was supposed to contort herself to use it on her back and then had an image of long talented fingers attached to a yummy vampire doing the job for her and valued the gift even more.

Xander and Anya hauled in a large and welcome weapons chest that he had lovingly made and carved with clever designs. It had been hand polished to a high gleam and lined with soft material. “This is beautiful guys and means even more because you made it for me yourself. Thank you.”

It was turning out to be a lovely birthday after all.

Giles cleared his throat and pulled out an attaché case.

“Um, Giles I don’t think I’ll be getting any job that needs a briefcase,” Buffy teased.

“Indeed,” he began unable to stifle his wide grin. “I believe what this contains may well make any job hunting unnecessary… well unless you have a strong desire for a career, of course.”

“You got the council to pay me!!!!” Buffy fairly shot off the couch in excitement.

“Not exactly. Those prats don’t part with a farthing without getting a pound out of it somehow,” Giles said in disgust. “No, this is yours by right. In our grief and desperation to cover up your… passing…we neglected to remember your mother’s Gallery. I took it upon myself to have an appraiser come and look over her inventory after I checked her records and determined she had ownership of it all and was not holding anything on consignment. What I have here is an offer from a rather prestigious auction house to handle the sale of all the items. They were very impressed with your mother’s good taste and wise investments. Some of the pieces have nearly quadrupled in value since you mother purchased them. This is their estimate of the base amount you will likely receive from auction. The final figure may well be more. If you agree to allow them handle it the money could be in your hands within a month.” He handed her the proposal and sat next to the shocked girl. “All you need to do is sign this agreement. The percentage they will take as a fee is minimal and they have an impeccable reputation for both honesty and success.”

“God, Giles, did you see that figure? I can pay off the house, not just play catch up on the mortgage. I can go back to college. DAWN can go to college without a student loan! This is….” She began to cry, suddenly feeling the weight of the non-supernatural part of her world lift from her shoulders.

Thanks to Spike’s bequest, Giles was able to give her some immediate relief from her financial woes. “There is also a good-will check enclosed to tide you over until the final sale,” Giles handed her a check that would get everything caught up until the larger amount was in her possession.

Buffy took the check and thought of the groceries she could buy after all the urgent bills were paid. There would even be enough left to get a few new items to wear with her new coat and boots, some things for Dawn as well. It was a generous enough check to let her at least entertain the idea of finding a counselor like Spike had suggested too. Maybe dealing with losing her mom and all the baggage left behind by Angel would make this new life one to enjoy instead of merely trudge through. Spike had a point that not all her troubles began with her resurrection.

“If you will trust me to act on your behalf, I can make the final arrangements for you when I travel to London after the wedding. I have a bit of business with a shaman there that requires my personal appearance,” He hastened to reassure Buffy that he was not deserting her once again. “I shan’t be gone longer than a couple of weeks and then I can look into some property to settle in here properly.”

“You’re staying?” Her small voice betrayed just how much she wanted him to stay in her life and nearby. Having Giles there was just the security she needed to start to feel like she might just make it after all.

“As long as you need me or want me…yes.”

Buffy flung her arms around Giles and nearly knocked him from the couch. “Yes, well,” he responded in embarrassment. He looked toward Spike in desperation. “Um, Spike deserves some of your thanks. He’s the one who reminded me of the Gallery and set this all in motion.” Giles was so relieved to have Buffy turn her gratitude toward the vampire, allowing him to return to some sense of decorum, that he didn’t mind in the least sharing the glory.

Buffy launched herself into the surprised vampire’s arms with a muttered “Thank you so much”.
Spike wasn’t sure quite how to react to a grateful Buffy. This was a new beast entirely, so he merely replied with a whispered, “Didn’t do much. Just ran my mouth is all.”

Finally, the sight of Buffy in Spike’s arms managed to make Giles more interested in parting them than in preserving his own dignity, and he reached for his own birthday gift. “I did actually bring a gift, however.”

Buffy reluctantly released Spike and turned back to her Watcher. She radiated joy as she took the proffered package. Tonight was turning into a dream come true with Giles staying, her financial woes at an end and Spike returning her embrace. The gift was a small, delicate-looking dagger with a jeweled hilt. “I thought this might be easily hidden if you need a backup weapon.”

“It’s beautiful,” Buffy ran an appreciative finger over the blade. “I don’t think I want to have to bloody it up, but it really is lovely.”

“I had it enchanted as well. It can never be used against you.”

“That is always of the good,” Buffy grinned.

“Guess that leaves me,” Spike reached in his inner pocket for the gift he had rewrapped ten times until he had been satisfied with the look. “’S not much, an old piece from my human days,” he offered the lie he decided had the best chance for winning acceptance.

Buffy looked at the lovely if small emerald and gasped. “Oh, Spike, are you sure you want ME to have something from your family?”

“No other, love. You’ll do it justice.”

She lifted her hair and tore off the leather strip at her throat as she spun her back toward Spike and asked, “Please, I’d like to wear it.”

He fumbled a bit with the clasp but finally secured the necklace his fingers lightly grazing her skin as he worked the catch. Something about this girl could turn him back into a nervous youth in the space of a breath. As she turned back to face him, he congratulated himself on having chosen wisely. The piece looked like it had been made to flatter her. “Gorgeous,” he rasped softly, clearly not only meaning the jewelry.

Buffy blushed, pleased at both the compliment and the present. “Thank you again. Part of me wants to say this is too much, but I like it, and am going to let myself be selfish Buffy and keep it. Thank you for everything.” She was thinking of his every kind and thoughtful act since her return as she said the words.

The room was filled with awkward silence as each of her friends tried to process the subtle undertones of the exchange. Xander finally cracked a joke that neither Buffy nor Spike heard but it served to break the tension.

“Time for cake!” Willow headed to the kitchen with Tara in tow to light the candles and bring in the dessert.

“I already have all I could wish for right here,” Buffy looked pointedly at Spike as she said it causing his dead heart to leap in his chest at the possibilities.

~~~

Richard had grown bored before the cake had even arrived. Clearly any thought that Xander’s friend might be a good hook-up faded the moment the too pale punk arrived with the freak show guy with long ears. Buffy Summers was constantly shooting looks in the Brit’s direction when she thought no one was looking. There was more subtext between them than in an indie film. He yawned and checked his watch before announcing, “Well, it was nice meeting all of you, but I have an early day on the site tomorrow.”

Halfrek had been huddled in a corner with Anya discussing the upcoming wedding, but she turned when the young man headed for the door. This was the first person to try to leave the party and now was the moment of truth for the revelers.

The door opened but Richard found himself unable to move forward through the opening. ‘Come on. Don’t need to hang around like a fifth wheel. Scoot!’ Still his body refused to respond to the orders his mind was shouting to it.

“Hey,” called a giggling Dawn, “Just ‘cause big sis is soon gonna be rich doesn’t mean we can afford to heat the outdoors.”

“Dawn!” Buffy felt bad for having virtually ignored the young man all evening. He was probably very nice…in a rice pudding way. “Thank you for coming, Raymond. Sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk a little.”

“It’s Richard,” hissed Xander.

“Of course I meant Richard!” Buffy was mortified at her mistake. First she ignored him then didn’t even remember his name. “It’s been a long night for all of us, I guess.”

“Yes, I should be going as well,” Giles agreed. “I just can’t see myself sitting on the floor being trounced by Anya at Monopoly when I could be comfortably sipping a nice single malt and reading a bit of Proust.”

“Yeah, I’d rush home to that,” Spike chuckled.

“Once upon a time,” muttered Hallie.

Now both Giles and Richard were standing at the open doorway, unable to cross the threshold for unknown reasons. “Well, this is simply…unexpected,” Giles declared as he tried to get his feet to respond yet again. “I don’t seem to be able to actually leave for some reason.”

“Yeah, me either,” Richard said with a spooked look. “Is this some kind of trick maybe? A hidden camera?”

“Magic, possibly,” Xander glanced at his oldest friend who had claimed to have sworn off the spells. “If anyone actually did that kind of thing, that is.”

“Not me!” Willow hastened to reassure Tara with a squeeze of her hand. “No cameras either.”
Soon everyone had attempted to exit the Summers home with no success and puzzled looks were exchanged among the partygoers.

Spike looked at Halfrek knowingly, having already figured out that someone had to have made a fateful wish just as before. He doubted it was Dawn, however, as the teen had been quite happy tonight. “Somebody here make any wishes lately…other than Buffy’s when she blew out the candles?”

Hallie was pretty certain she didn’t want her demon nature exposed this way and immediately sought to deflect the conversation. “Well, William, maybe Buffy wished for her good time to keep going?”

“William?” Xander jumped on the name. “You’ve met Spikey before?”

“You could say he and I go way back,” Hallie hinted.

Spike narrowed his eyes and did his best to look threatening.

“Hey, how nice to meet old friends in Sunnydale, of all places,” Clem stepped in and tried to maneuver Halfrek back to the snack table.

“What was that all about?” Buffy knew there was more to the story than just a chance encounter with an old friend. She could see from Spike’s face that the word friend didn’t even enter into it; he was fuming. “Never mind, I probably don’t want to know. But I DO want to know why you think Anya’s friend might know why no one can leave my party.”

“Bint’s a vengeance demon. Seems like a good bet she’s up to her oversized ears in this little problem.” He glared at the back of Hallie’s head. ‘Can’t believe I ever thought her the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen!’

“Oh, all right! Yes, I’m a JUSTICE demon.” Halfrek blurted out, much to the confusion of Richard. “I thought you said Buffy needed some down time with her friends. I was only trying to give her a nice evening that lasted longer than just a quick cake and presents sort of thing.” With that, she transformed and ended the magic.

“You can leave now if you want to abandon the birthday girl,” Halfrek said sarcastically.

“What is a justice demon?” Richard looked from one face to another searching for some sign of sanity. “Magic…demons….” Then he looked pointedly at Clem and added, “and I’m not buying that bit about a skin condition either.”

Anya decided that her little group should call it an early night before Hallie dug a deeper hole for herself. “I mean it, Xander, I won’t have my maid of honor killing off my bridesmaids. We need to just wish Buffy a good night and leave before she tries out some of those weapons she put in your nice chest.”

~~~

The tension seemed to leave the room with the exit of Xander, Anya, Richard and Halfrek. Clem and Dawn began a game of Hearts with Tara and Willow while Buffy settled on the couch between Giles and Spike. “So you’re going to London right after the wedding. Isn’t it usually the bridal pair that go someplace cool?” Buffy teased.

“I believe Anya is holding out for a Honeymoon lodge at Niagara Falls, one of those with heart shaped beds and fake champagne glasses for a bathtub. She showed me a picture in a magazine. I think the red walls are way too much.”

Buffy looked at her little sister in horror,“PLEASE tell me she didn’t go into details about all her honeymoon plans with you!”

“As if!” Dawn laughed. “I plugged my ears and sang all the ‘N Sync songs I could remember. That usually works to shut her up.”

“I loved ‘Gone’ by them! They’re really good singers and they dance well too,” Clem nodded enthusiastically.

“Nice guy, but I can’t seem to teach culture and taste to the bloke,” Spike shook his head in despair as Giles snorted in derision.

“So what’s with this shaman visiting?” Buffy had a feeling it had something to do with her. Most of Giles’ actions seemed to be about her lately.

The mood turned somber.

“As you know, I returned because Spike called to let me know there was something amiss beyond mere depression with you. I’ve researched the ritual used to return you to us and am fairly certain that between the poor choice of words in the ritual itself and the interruption that took place during its performance may have caused a flux that is the root of your difficulty in readjusting to life.” He gave a stern look at Willow, noting the way that girl’s eyes narrowed in anger at the very suggestion that she had erred in any way. “If I am correct, there may need to be mystical intervention to set you to rights.”

“I came back wrong,” Buffy slumped in her seat, looking defeated all over again.

“No, love, not wrong, just not completely right,” Spike tried to clarify. “May not sound like it, but there is a difference.”

“What was it that we did wrong?” Tara was shocked to realize that the interruption of the ritual hadn’t even registered with her until now. She had trusted Willow implicitly at that time.

“Willow chose to call back the ‘warrior of the people’ as opposed to Buffy Summers,” Giles explained.

“SO!” Willow sounded indignant. “Buffy is the Slayer, and that’s the warrior of the people. It’s semantics.”

“Actually, Buffy is far more than merely the Slayer, Willow, and you know that well. It is clear to me that you didn’t think it through fully.” Giles reminded her.

“I checked and double checked everything. All the details were exactly the way the books said they had to be to bring her back to us and here she is,” Willow stubbornly insisted.

“And she’s been bloody miserable ever since, not even able to know what she’s feelin’ and mostly not feelin’ a thing!” Spike had risen and faced the witch full on. The animosity was palpable.

“She’d be fine if you’d just butt out! Every time she starts to get back to normal, there you are making her question everything--herself, me, her friends,” Willow accused. “You’re the one luring her to a crypt all the time. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much time she’s been spending there not patrolling. How’s that healthy?”

“Least I don’t ask anything of her or add to her load. Let her be and feel whatever she wants and don’t make her pretend to be happy when she’s not.” He was full steam now and in the old days would have gone for her throat by now. “Don’t eat her food and use her electricity and water without giving her any help either. You lot handed her that stack of unpaid bills and skipped off to your own interests, not me. Notice you only buy groceries you like for yourself too with nothing for Buffy or the Bit.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I’m using Buffy, is that it?”

“Your words, witch. Got yourself a nice setup here too. Living in the master bedroom like the woman of the house, go to your classes and out to the Bronze and wherever else you’ve been gettin’ to with that ex-rat friend of yours while Buffy’s worryin’ and patrollin’ and feelin’ numb.”

Spike saw the eyes go black as his words hit Willow. The energy fairly crackled between them. “I think you have too many opinions for a dead man.”

“That’s right! You don’t like to hear anyone else’s opinions, do you? Think you know best for all. All last summer you were the one givin’ the orders and expectin’ even Rupes here to follow ‘em.”

“Hey, guys, can we not do this?” Buffy looked desperately between her oldest female friend and the vampire she wanted to have at her side. It was going to be one of her regular birthdays after all at this rate. “Please.” That last word was a near whisper, but it got through to Spike nonetheless. How could he deny her anything?

“This isn’t finished. You’d best hope whatever the Watcher finds out helps fix your mess,” Spike threatened and headed to the door.

“Or what? Last I heard you were toothless or is the part about it only being Buffy you can bite a big lie. Hate to have to see you dusted--oh, wait, maybe not,” Willow seethed.

“Just watch yourself,” Spike countered then turned to Buffy with, “Sorry ‘bout this last bit, pet. Hope you had a good birthday,” and left.

“I think I’d better get going too,” Tara bit her lip and looked at her love with worry. She had never known Willow to be as harsh as she had been lately. All that anger was toxic and Tara just couldn’t deal with watching her Willow so filled with it.

With Tara going without so much as a hug, Willow felt the last straw had been laid upon the camel’s back. “I’m going to bed. Happy birthday, Buffy,” and headed upstairs.

Clem looked around nervously and realized the party was well and truly over. “I’ll just be going then too, Slayer. Thanks for having me.”

Dawn saw Giles out while Buffy picked up the grey kitten and rubbed her tear streaked face against its soft fur. “Spike left before I could even tell him.” She knew there should be more than that bothering her but somehow all those decisions she had made before the party had started had made her feel so connected with the world again that not being able to clue the vampire in to her feelings just made everything else less important. After all, Giles would figure it out and fix whatever needed fixing and Willow would just have to deal. “I guess I’ll just have to go by in the morning and talk to him, hey, kitty? You need a name and I’m thinking one word will work for both of us. How about I call you Hope?”
All things considered it hadn’t been a bad birthday at all.